Do you have any Comments and/or Critiques???

Question

Under a full Autumn Moon,

The heat of the day remains,

Crickets singing. Stillness.

Chipped whitewashed windows – open wide

Faded blue-lace curtains seldom move.

The electric buzz of a rotating fan.

Rust covered screen-an open door.

Fallen golden leaves cover the ground,

stealthily crushed with each step taken.

Creaking hard wooden floors.

Slumbered dreams violently awaken.

Darkness.

Answer 1

A long time ago, and far away you described my home and a day in my life.  Thanks for this well written work.  Rust covered screen...once upon a time I thought I'd never miss it.

Answer 2

I liked the imagery.  I could really picture it in my mind.  Jen

Answer 3

Is that yours ?  

Sounds scary but good...if it's yours, keep it up. You may be on to something with your writing. It's descriptive and eery.

Answer 4

Amazing!! Wow. love it. have you written any more?

Answer 5

I like it, but the wording is a little off. In my opinion.

It could flow a little better.

But overall I think it's very good.

Answer 6

I did something here I usually don't do, I read all the previous answers before answering myself.  You have created something here to be proud of, and there seem to be no end to those who want to pick it apart.  The hazards of sleeping with air conditioning in the summer heat was not lost on me, as I grew up in the scenario.  We never locked a door, didn't even have locks on them, and they only got closed in the winter.  The world was different then.

Answer 7

I'm having trouble with the word "stilthily", meaning and spelling.

The poem takes place in Autumn, so the leaves would be dried-out, even in the South, which would cause them to make a crackling noise, when stepped on.

The word "stealth" denotes silence.

Perhaps "heavily" would be a better substitute.

Too many stanzas; the meter, rhyme and the number of lines are inconsistent.

Answer 8

I usually like smaller simpler poems but this is great! Good job! True artwork!

Answer 9

You used beautiful descriptions, but only descriptions, which made your poem a little flat.  I saw that you hinted that there was something more behind this quiet picture you created, but this was at the end.  (And a little bit in the last line of the second stanza) You need to incorporate that into your descriptions, as well as glue it all together with some more varied sentence structure.  My favorite part was when you talk about the window and everything about it in the second stanza.  Wonderful :D

Answer 10

absolutely gorgeous...I have come to really appriciate poetry and this particular poem is special and amazing

Answer 11

critiquing poetry is overrated.  the art of poetry is entirely expressive way to show your side with perspective and interpritation. i really like this poem, it's interesting and has great sensuous imagery. i learned that term in creative writing class, ha.