Do you have any amusing or entertaining work place stories?

Question

Need not be confined strictly to railroad sotries, any workplace will do.

This is strictly a legitimate question and should not be construed as "chatting" in any way. I am doing research, for a . . . . . .

for a book, yeahhhh, that's it, a book, I am doing research for a book, the Great American Novel.

Answer 1

I was walking by my a co-workers office, and there was my friend (guy) and another co-worker (gal).  The gal was one of the pretty and friendly girl in the office. The guy was facing the computer and the girl was standing just behind him -  both focused on the problem.  

So I sneaked up and quietly winked at the woman co-work to signal I was about to play a trick on the guy - so she didn't know what but kept quiet.  Then I took her place behind the chair and I started to erotically play with the guys hair.

The room became really quiet as the guy was all of a sudden thinking SHE'S coming on to me!!!  The more EROTIC my touch become the more frozen he became.

Then in about 5 seconds (before it got too embarrassing) me and the girl broken out in laughter - then joined by the guy.

===

We laughed for like 10 minutes.

Good Luck...

Answer 2

Why that was brilliant, way to go old chap, wish I'd have thought of this.

Bob's comment last week about head nodding on your chest as you struggle to stay alert going up a long grade brought to mind an incident from the past.

A fair number of years ago we had an engineer here, I believe his first name was Norm, nice guy, good engineer but seemed to have some sort of sleep disorder, honest to gosh you could be talking to him, and in mid sentence he would nod off and 10 or 15 minutes later wake up and continue the exact same sentence as if nothign had happened.

Just west of town here is Evaro Hill, 2.2% grade with lots of curves, both sides with a  saucer-shaped dip several miles long at the top. With a tonnage train at 12-14 MPH it can be a real pull.

Grinding up the hill shortly before daylight can be burtally boring, conversation is almost impossible without shouting, the noise level in the cab of an SD-40 at full throttle is almost deafening, (in fact if you ask my wife she would say it HAS deafened me but that is somewhat selective and a subject for a different day).

Anyway, Norm and his partner apparently nodded off grinding up the hill, and when they got to the depression at the top didnt notice the speed picking up. It's gently downhill for a ways and picked up a LOT. when they started down the main grade they were moving way too fast and hit the first curve, (10 degree curve rated for 25 MPH) at 72 MPH and literally flew off the track, the power landed on it's back at the bottom of a steep grade. It was a mess, the first thing Norm said he noticed was the engine leaving the rail at about a 45 degree angle on it's way over. Can you imagine how that would have felt, definitly an "ohhhhshit" moment.

His partner had apperently gone back to the second unit not long before and smoked a joint because his blood was way hot.

Neither one was seriously hurt although I beleive Norm had a messed up shoulder.

Of course railroaders being what they are spawned a lot of jokes about it, the long depression at the top  is now known as "Sleepy Hollow"

The curve is known as the official headquarters of the Brown and Hawley Flying club.

"What has 3000 horsepower and sleeps two comfortably?" "An SD-40-2!"

They were both terminated and lost their appeals, havent heard anything abut them for a long time.

Answer 3

Well, actually I do have one.  Last year I worked in a company where they played an online version of Risk.  Its a divide and conuquer game.  So I signed up for and I quickly became hooked.  And I was so into the game, that I began playing frequently.  Anyway, there was a user that I played against quite a bit, and he always beat me.  So I became frustrated with him.  I asked a fellow co-worker if he could help me beat this person.  The person that was always defeating me taunt me.  So I got help from the co-worker who was a so called master at this game.  Well, long story short, little to my knowing, the person that was always beating me was that co-worker and I had no idea.  He was just using another username.  He told me it was him, and I was annoyed yet, it was a good joke.

Answer 4

Ahhhhhhhh very tricky! Ummm Rangos c are you by any chance related to a guy here named Rango?LOL

Ok i have one for your "book".

Back before everyone had a pack set glued to their hand we did everything by hand signals(as you know).I was sitting in the yard waiting to depart and being bored i was watching a work train crew that was getting ready to dump ballast on a new industry spur.The engineer on the job was notorious for liking to read and not pay attention to the job at hand.They were ready to shove to the end of the spur to spot the first ballast car.They had 10 ballast cars.As they shoved in the engineer was doing what he did best...reading a newspaper.The crew was giving him wash outs and BOOM.Right through this nice new hydraulic cushioned bumper and on to the ground with one axle on the car.I couldn't hear them but the foreman seemed a little perturbed judging by his hand gestures.Well they put down frogs and re railed the car.The bumper was a write off but hey might as well still dump the rock.Mr engineer was back to reading his paper.They did the chains and put a tie under the first car.The conductor walked up and told the engineer they were ready to dump.Gave him an ahead sign.He starts moving and they bang the dogs off the car.he moved about 5 feet and stopped.He got to something very interesting in the paper i guess.Well they dumped about 40 tons of rock all in that one spot!The MOW foreman was really worked up this time!He gave some very rude hand signals to the engineer.He didn't see them though...he was busy reading!

I had to depart so i didn't get to see any further mayhem!

Answer 5

Oh yeah. I used to work in a factory. A real nightmare, but some funny stuff happened. One time at lunch, I had to poo really bad. I ended up clogging the toilet causing it to run over. I booked it out of there before anyone could point the finger at me. It was the talk of the factory all day! I never fessed up...lol

The women that worked there were quite nasty, too. They would take food into the stalls and eat while using the bathroom. You'd walk in and see Little Debbie wrappers and Dorito bags on the back of the toilet. Gross. Then they wouldn't wash their hands when they walked out. The worst thing of all was the odor. These ladies had some nasty smelling feminine parts. The whole bathroom smelled like tuna. It was so disgusting. One night I took the box top off of a Summers Eve box and glued it to a small poster board. In big block print I wrote...

"Contrary to popular belief....it is NOT a self cleaning oven!" and I hung it on the door so everyone would see it going in. Not sure if anyone got the hint or not, but it was hilarious. I admitted to that one.

Answer 6

I worked in a shop with a young guy who had bushy hair. One day, he walked in with it divided into two sections and made into two golf ball sized knots...... When he walked out to lunch, two construction workers stopped me, looked at the kid and asked, "Are they control k***s for a c....sucker?"

Couldn't pass that one up.

Answer 7

I agree with Rango.  Simply smashing idea.

The following is purported to be an acutal conversation that was heard as described, but it was way before my time and on another railroad than which I worked.

Of a time, not too, too long ago, in the grand scheme of the universe, it is said a Dispatcher, one Mr. Keys of the Rock Island, who examined all applicants for positions in train service, had the reputation of being very particular in the matter of employing trainmen, desiring only those who had considerable experience in that branch of the service.  The following is a conversation said to have been overheard in Mr. Keys’s office, between that gentleman and an applicant for the position of Passenger Conductor :

Q:  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€ÂœWhere did you come from?”

A:  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€ÂœFrom General Manager St. John of the Union Pacific.”

Q:  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€ÂœWhat did you come here to do?”

A:  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€ÂœTo learn to subdue my energies and improve the railway service.”

Q:   “Then you are a railroad man, I infer?”

A:   “I am so taken by all officials who know their business.”

Q:   “How may I know you to be a railroad man?”

A:   “By looking over my letters and examining me in the signals.  Try me.”

Q:   “How will you be tried?”

A:   “By the punch.”

Q:   “Why by the punch?”

A:   “Because it is the emblem of honesty and the principal working tool of my profession.”

Q:   “Where were you first prepared to be a railroad man?”

A:   “In my mind.”

Q:   “Where next?”

A:   “Upon a farm adjoining the right of way of a regular railroad.”

Q:   “How were you prepared?”

A:   “By breaking in upon a threshing machine for six months, after which I went into town and bought admission to the Trainmaster’s office.”

Q:   “How gained admission?”

A:   “By three cigars placed in the open hand of the Trainmaster’s clerk.”

Q:   “How were you received?”

A:   “Under the sharp gaze of the Trainmaster applied to my physiognomy which was thus explained: As it is always a source of great pleasure to the Trainmaster to receive callers, I should drop in on him and chat with him a little upon every occasion possible.”

Q:   “How were you then disposed of?”

A:   “I was seated in a chair near the Trainmaster’s desk and asked if I put my trust in safety coupling devices.”

Q:   “Your answer?”

A:   “Not if I know myself, I don’t.”

Q:   “What was then done to you?”

A:   “I was led up and down the yard three times to accustom me to the noise of the train, and then to the Chief Dispatcher’s office.”

Q:   “How were you then disposed of?”

A:   “I was seated upon a brake wheel before a train box and forced to take the following horrible oath: ‘I, John Smith, do hereby and hereon most everlastingly and diabolically swear by the great horned spoon, that I will always remit and never conceal any of the cash collected by me as a conductor, and that I will not cut, make use of, remit or collect any cash fares less than those found in a regular tariff book.  I furthermore promise and swear that I will never carry on my train free any railroad man’s wife, mother, sister, daughter or widow, or permit any other conductor from doing so, if I can prevent it.  I furthermore promise and swear that I will freely contribute to all subscriptions circulated to buy my superior officers a token of esteem so far as he may desire and my salary will permit; to all of which I do solemnly swear, binding myself under no less penalty than that of having my salary cut from year to year, all prerequisites taken away and expended for sand ballast to put under the McKinley extension, where the trains come and go twice in twenty-four hours, so help me Bob Ingersoll, and keep my back stiff.’”

Q:   “What did you then behold?”

A:   “The Trainmaster’s clerk approached me and presented me with a Bishop’s Safety Coupling Knife and instructed me to take it to the yardmaster who would show me how to use it.”

Q:   “How was the Bishop Safety Coupling Knife used?”

A:   “By sticking it in the lefthand hip pocket with the blade turned up.”

Here, Mr Keys informed the applicant that he was convinced he was a railroad man and asked him if he would be “off” or “from.”

A:   “I will be off from here, if you’ll give me a passenger train.”

Q:   “Have you any cigars?”

A:   “I have.”

Q:   “Will you give them to me?”

A:   “That is not the manner in which I got them and I cannot so dispose of them.”

Q:   “How can I get them?”

A:   “I will match you, heads or tails for them.”

Keys: “I will go you, you begin.”

“You begin.”

“No, you begin, you have the cigars.”

“Board.”

“All.”

“All Aboard !  You are O.K.  Come around tomorrow evening and if the road is not in the hands of a receiver I will send you out on No.7 in the place of Conductor Reilly, who recently fell down while taking the examination...”

Oh!  I almost forgot.  As a title for your new literary endeavor, how about "Rails Can Go Around Anything." ?  It kind of sings, don't it?