Do you have any funny farm stories?

Question

Just wondering if any fellow farmers have funny farm stories. I'll share two of mine.

I just had two goats butchered the day before. I was walking down the driveway with a severed goat head in each hand. I was going to bury them in the ant mound so I could collect the cleaned skulls in a while.

Just as I'm strolling down the driveway, head in each hand hanging by the horns, two ladies in their Sunday best from my Church drove up. They sat in the car, eyes HUGE like they'ed just seen Bigfoot. I could see them talk about whether it was safe to get out of the car, without turning their heads.

The other story, I was going to re-breed my mare on her foal heat (30 days after giving birth to a foal). I had the mare tied and ready, with her foal running loose.

I went to fetch my young stallion (his very first breeding). He was excited, but being a gentleman. I'd already teased the mare, so he knew for SURE she was in heat. I'm walking down the driveway with the hormone

Answer 1

This Wasn't funny when it happened, but it is funny looking back on.

When I was in school, we had a pig that could get out of anything. Mom would yell PIGS OUT! and we would all run chasing him, we never could catch him, but finely when he had had enough, he would, looking very pleased, jump back over the fence, and grunt. If we wern't home when he got out, he would turn on all the outside water spickets, then let the chickens out of there pin.

Enjoyed your stories, hope mine made you laugh as much as yours did me.

Answer 2

Those sound like some funny times!

My second time of showing calves at the fair was interesting.  I was down there feeding it early in the morning at around 6:00 and I was walking my calf around, neither of us were ready for this when some random person took a picture (it was a little dark yet, still visible though).  My calf took off running, me getting rope burn, but I hung on the calf 1100 pounds and me only around 100 pounds!  I held on the whole way, it was so scary yet embarassing because some other showers were there and were laughing!  

Another time my dad and I were checking the cattle shed for some baby calves when we notices some pheasants were in there.  We thought nothing of it and all of the sudden the bird flew, hit the electric wire, broke the wire and died!  That was funny, that pheasant had not a bee- bee in it! (that just recently happened too)

Thanks for sharing the stories with everyone!

Answer 3

http://www.indiansummeralpacas.com/funny...

http://trueshortstories.net/

http://www.asurifarm.com/index.cfm?fusea...

I have a little story that I hope will brighten a few faces. This is something that happened on our farm just before Christmas. I've told this story now a couple of times and I've been convinced to put this on alpaca site. This is more of a lesson of what NOT to do, but it does present a funny situation.

One day before Christmas our dogs in the house started going crazy. I have two Akbash and one Jack Russell. I put them all out assuming they were fussing over the squirrels again. Then I heard a gun shot.  It sounded closer than usual. There is a rifle range a few miles away and when the wind is just right you can hear the shots. I decided to head for the barn and just check on things.

I went out into one of the pastures in the back of the barn and notice two orange hunters hats in the distance on our property. Our property, all 30 acres, is dually posted "No Hunting" allowed. It's pretty common knowledge in this town that hunting is NOT allowed near our alpaca farm. In Rhode Island you must get permission from a land owner to hunt even if the land isn't posted. Our neighbors also posted their property to help keep hunters from getting too get close to the farm. As you can probably guess we aren't exactly a "hunter friendly" kind of place. I also happen to know Deer season ended December 1.

I decided to leash up our male Akbash, his name is Kahuna. He's big even for an Akbash. Kahuna is roughly 220 pounds. He thinks he's a lap puppy, much to my husband's dismay, and is normally a very happy go lucky kind of dog. He's so happy that I've found myself wondering how effective he'd actually be guarding and protecting anything.

We meet up with the hunters. If they had licenses they didn't display them as they should have done. So, I decided to ask for their names and phone numbers so I could turn the information over to the police.  Hey, you can always try. I told them we have a coyote pack that visits from time to time. I told them that my husband was thinking of hiring a hunter or two MAYBE to help with the predator problem. The guys ages 30+ get all excited. They said, "Yeah lady we'd love to come blow them away for you!". I said, well could you give me your names and phone number so my husband can get in touch with you? They said sure and gave me their names and phone numbers. I didn't bring any paper so I wrote it on my hand.  Well, that was easier than I expected.

Now I have to admit I felt pretty guilty because I just basically lied to these guys. We really did think about hiring some hunters in the beginning, but since the coyotes never became a problem we just let them be. As guilty as I felt, these guys are still hunting on my property that was posted and I know they didn't miss the signs. So I decide to proceed further.

I asked one of the guys if I could see his gun. My husband has been trying to talk me into getting one.  (This was true.) So the guy gives me the gun! Then I asked the other guy if I could see his gun too, so I could compare them. He also gives me his gun. Now, I'm TOTALLY amazed. I now have both their guns. Not that I would know how to use them. This was totally unexpected. Now what do I do????

I look at the guys and tell them to follow me up to the house. They look around in total confusion. I told them I was going to keep their guns until the police arrived. I told them they were hunting illegally on my property and I wasn't exactly pleased by it.

As you might guess, they weren't happy about the sudden change in the situation. One of them started yelling and made a move toward me. Now I'm thinking, maybe this wasn't the smartest thing I ever done (Understatement!) As the guy takes a step and reaches at me to retrieve his gun, mild mannered Kahuna has decided he has had enough with these guys. He steps in front of him and gets between us with teeth bared growling in a way that even scared me! Kahuna had NEVER done anything remotely close to this in his entire life.

I can only imagine what the hunters were thinking considering I was about to soil my own britches!  Then I got even more scared when I wondered how in the world I'd ever be able to stop Kahuna if he did decide to go for these guys. He outweighs me by at least __ pounds. (Sorry, I'm not going to give out my weight!)

The guy backed off, luckily and Kahuna settled down but his eyes never left them. I turned and started for the house. During the trip back to the house, any time Kahuna thought the hunters were getting too close to me he'd stop dead in his tracks and just do a low sounding growl.

I was still feeling guilty that I lied to the guys. On the way back to the house I asked them if they'd like some coffee or Hot Chocolate, sort of a piece offering. They weren't interested.

We got back to the house and Kahuna is still pretty upset with these guys. I asked them again if they'd like to come in for some coffee. They both looked at Kahuna who was looking back at them and said no. So Kahuna and I when into the house. Kahuna is now in the house just watching them through the window. The guys decided to have a seat in the lawn chairs on the front porch.

I called the police department and asked them to please hurry over to pick-up these hunters as I had to get the kids to school. The officer on the desk asked where the hunters were. I told him they were on the porch. "The hunters are just sitting there? Why would they be just sitting there?" he asked. "Well, because I have their guns" I said. He said, "you have their guns??!!". I said yeah. So I related the story to the officer. When he stopped laughing he said he would send up a car.

About 10 minutes later two officers pulled up. One stayed with the hunters and the other came in the house. You can hear one hunter saying to the officer outside "That dog was going to kill us! It should be put down, it's vicious!" He was saying this as the other officer was in the house petting and being licked to death that mean and vicious dog. Kahuna was back to his happy go lucky lap puppy personality.

When I related the story to these officers, they both just started laughing. They kept looking at the

hunters shaking their heads and saying, "Guys, you gave her your guns?"

As the officers were putting the hunters into their police car, they just kept repeating "you gave her your guns? I can't believe you gave her your guns!"

Even though the police officers were laughing almost uncontrollably, they did manage to give me a lecture about the perils of doing this sort of thing ever again. I got another from my husband, Floyd.  Floyd wasn't quite as amused.

The hunters were charged with hunting without a license and using high powered rifles which is illegal anywhere in this state. The police have called since then and asked me to consider not pressing charges for criminal trespassing. They felt the humiliation of being disarmed by a woman was enough of a punishment.

So now I have to ask myself who has the higher IQ? The hunters who gave up their guns? Or the dog who protected its owner from a lapse in judgment?

I vote for the dog....

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I hope this will brighten someone's day....  It's just another silly story.  

This story isn't as good as the Akbash and Hunter story.  But I thought it was a good one to tell for all of us who were "City Slickers" turned "farmers"...    Since Birdzilla has now returned, it's just reminded me of how truly "green" we use to be.  We've come a LONG way....   This story starts back just about three years ago.  

Here's a mini story of how "city-fied" we really were.  Our oldest child at this time was 8 years old.  For the first month we lived in this house he would sleep under three blankets at night.  The weird part is that it was summer and 85 degrees outside.  I finally asked Ryan one night why he was doing this.  He replied with, "Mom hear that noise?"  I said, "yeah just the sounds of nighttime in the country...”   "No mom those are pee frogs...” I said, "yeah...????".   He said, "Well, if they pee on you it's poisonous and you'll die!"  I had a hard time keeping back the laughter but he was genuinely afraid...  I said, "So why are you under three blankets...?".  He said, "So the pee won't soak through the blankets and kill me... ".  I said, "Ryan they're PEEP frogs not Pee frogs....  They won't kill you". There was no question...  We were city slickers for sure.

The people who owned this property before us use to allow hunting frequently.  When we first moved into this house/farm it was noticeable that very little of the natural wildlife would venture around.   It wasn't until we started talking with neighbors that we found out about the history of hunting on this property.   As I'm sure most of you have heard by now, our farm isn't a "hunter friendly" sort of place.  It now seems most of the animals in the woods have kind of caught onto this fact.  We have all kinds of wildlife that visits now.  Remember we're the "mush" family when it comes to animals and children.  

Well, the kids were playing in the fields one day and we were doing some of the jobs necessary to get the property "up to snuff" for alpacas to be able to come and live here.  We noticed this grouse/partridge was coming very very close to where we were.  It was very unusual and totally fascinating to us city  

Answer 4

lol! goats heads.... a witch!!!

i had a similar one with a pheasant, driving down a lane. the car in front ran over it and injured it, i stopped and chased it into the verge, caught it, and was emerging from the bushes, hair all wild and tangled, wringing its neck, just as a shiny volvo filled with ma pa and 3 immaculately tidy kids drove past.... the looks of horror on their faces! well, people, if you come to live in the country what do you expect!

Answer 5

Don't s***w around with pigs... they will squeal on you every time.

Answer 6

My grandmother had a hen that use to get her attention by pulling at her dress with her beak.  That hen waddled when she ran because her legs where short and she was chubby.  She was cute.

Answer 7

I spent a spring setting up an aquaponic greenhouse that was to be used for some minor production and some major classes, night class for adults. At this small farm there was a little pot bellied pig in a shady little pen overlooking the pond right behind me. I'd show up early, lunch bucket and all and every time I sat down for a break to grab a bite to eat, that pig would start making a huge fuss. It didn't take long for me to figure out it knew I was having lunch and it really wanted to be sure I knew I was not alone. Even a hundred feet away, I would smile, take out a sandwich and try to unwrap it as quietly as possible, but no matter how silent I tried to be, at the first little crinkle of plastic wrap, you would have thought the pig was going to die a horrible death, until of course I went over to share. Then it would settle down knowing that lunch was done and the tools were out again. Fantastic hearing that lil' pig!

Answer 8

well about a month ago i was riding my cow and my dad got ready to feed them and she started to trot and i had a hold of her just like i always do and then i put one of my hands behind me and she bucked me off into the mud lol my mom and two sisters were laughing their heads off but i was not until later (and yes it was a cow i ride her just like a horse)

Answer 9

You must live near a church I take it?

I have a funny farm story I worked for this huge farmer who was pretty lazy and was a huge butt head, and one day he walked into the parlor and was being a prick as usual and as he started walking down the stairs he slipped and fell the rest of the way down the steps lol it was great I swear even his cows were laughing

Answer 10

here's two for you :

i had a few of my guinea hens get out , wandered thru the woods to a new housing development. followed the noise, found them and a poor guy fresh from the city (nyc) sitting in his car screaming into his cell phone " no i cant come in the house !! there are prehistoric bird things all over my car " he was talking to his wife who was in the house afraid to come out.

2. my daughters pony named "jesus" got out one night and wandered down the road , i went looking for him , yelling "jesus, jesus " like a total idiot, and the cars would stop , finally some woman who i guess thought i escaped my keepers stopped and tried to get me to sit with her and wait for the police ( whom she called)  when they showed up they started asking me all kinds of "are you on any medication" type questions  jesus came wandering over out of the woods right up to me and her car. needless to say the next time he took a midnight stroll i didnt go out looking for him - i sent the kids :)

Answer 11

LOL! funny stories.

I don't think I have one. I've always been a suburban guy.

Answer 12

I have a few you might get a kick out of.

When my sister and I were kids, on summer vacation we loved to play with the barn kittens.  We would take them up to the front porch and put our doll dresses on them, and never played with the dolls.  There was this wild beautiful calico kitten and one day I finally caught her.  She got the fancy red dress because she was the prettiest kitten.  Then she got away from us.  Kitten and red dress flew to the barn.  We tried for 3 days to catch her again.  One morning Dad was milking and had caught the kitten and was standing in front of the barn calling for us to come and take the dress off and then our favorite neighbor pulls in.  He teased Dad for quite awhile about his "creature comforts."

One time I had my horse out on a picket line.  He had eaten the grass around all the handy trees, fences, etc.  So I got the bright idea of tying him to 2 cement blocks so he could eat more of the grass.  Then my friend pulls in the driveway with her horse trailer.  My gelding got all excited (he wouldn't have been out there if I knew she was comming out) and comes running up to the trailer, first cement block exploding with the bounces, then he comes around the corner of the barn, remaining cement block swings wide, bounces, and breaks the tail light out of my old car.  Horse stops at the trailer to see who's in there.  My friend gets out of her pickup and makes some comment about it never being boring out here!

I worked for a neighbor guy during harvest and we were moving to a different field.  He tells me to back the tractor up with those 2 wagons (that was a sight in itself!) and hook up to those other 2 and save a trip.  I had to take one mile of oil and then a right hand turn onto gravel.  As I turn on the gravel, I look back to see the wagons and behind them was a cop with his lights on!  What the ....?  My drivers liscence was in my pickup, and luckily, he was a pretty nice guy.  I now know it is illegal to pull 4 wagons at a time.  The worst part is that my boss and the other hired help drove by us on the gravel to get more equipment!  They all had big smiles and waved at us.  All I got was a warning from the cop, and the boss bought my beer that night.

Last one-same boss rented this ground for years from a retired farmer.  It was verbally agreed that boss would have first dibs on buying the land but it was never put in the will.  So when the owner died there was an auction.  When it was time to sell the land, my friend (the one with the horse trailer in previous story) and I sat on the edge of the box of her pickup to see over the large crowd.  It was so cool, all the bigger farmers didn't bid because they all knew of the verbal agreement and wanted the boss to get this land.  The only other person bidding against boss was city guy and his bo-toxed wife.  Bidding is reaching the boss's limit and things are getting intense (you know how auctions can get) and all of the sudden my friend sitting beside me screams!  I look to my right and she had lost her balance and did a nestea plunge in the pickup box!  I asked if she was ok and she was giggling.  I look up and the whole crowd was looking at me!  Her feet were sticking up but that is all they could see of her!  Guess you had to be there cuz it doesn't sound so funny reading that.

Oh, one more-the boss had the land for the following season one last time.  It was a wet spring so boss tells me and another guy to stay close to each other in the field in case one of us got stuck.  The feild was way to wet, and all morning we bogged through this mud and pulled each other out.  I ended up getting my tractor good and stuck, buried up to the transfer case.  I called up boss cuz all I was doing was getting it in deeper.  He comes out with this mischeivious grin and agrees that the field is too wet.  Gets my tractor unstuck, and says to head to the shed, gonna rain tonight again.  Then he winks at us, and says when you drive through the farmyard, don't be afraid to throw a little mud.  Our tractors were so muddy you couldn't see the duals, so as we pull out of the field and go through the yard, I kick it up.  Mud and last year's manure are flying, and as I get up to the house, this van is unloading new furniture, oops, had mud hitting their new couch!  And their fancy sports car, big camper, etc.  That made the boss's day!  He was also renting the ground on share, and we just never got that field planted so the city slickers never got any income from the land that year either.

That is just a few off the top of my head.  Hope you enjoyed them.  Yours were great!  Severed goats heads-that's funny!

Answer 13

Yeah, actually I do.... I actually visited a farm a few years ago and got chased by goats. I was so scared that  I started to jump in the pen with the pigs but that didn't look safe either. Anyway, I ended up leaving and I never went back.

Answer 14

Funny Stories!

The only one I can think of off the top of my head is this last winter we sadly had two cows walk out onto an iced over pond and fall in. They died before we could get to them. The funny part of the story is that people kept calling 911 and telling the dispatcher that there where cows swimming in this pond. It was obvious the things where dead when all you could see was a little bit of their butt sticking out of the water.

We now have the pond securely fenced off to keep them from walking out on it. Farm animals are very curious and its always hard to predict what they will do next.

Answer 15

Haha I love your stories.  I don't really have anything that interesting other than being shocked by a couple of horse and cow fences.  Made my arm jump haha.  

And this isn't really a farm story per se, but relates to ag so I'm gonna post it.  Me and my FFA chapter were working the Children's Barnyard at our state fair last year, and the Holstein bull (Grande, had been the barnyard bull since he was a calf) tried to mount my friend...a couple of times.  It was her "time of the month" so that probably had something to do with it...funny as mess.

Answer 16

That is funny,

I remember when we were young my parents breed and sold goats to a local livestock dealer. This one time he was wheeling and dealing with my dad leaning over the fence holding money as he talked, one of the goats came up and snatched his money out of his hand and ate it.

Answer 17

No such funny stories to my experience or to my knowledge.

Answer 18

no

Answer 19

When we were kids our grandad git very upset with us.

We wanted to rodeo and we were small. The pigs were the right size. we would push a hog out of the barn and the grab an ear and a tail. YEE HAW.

When Grandad finally caught us doing it he was real upset.

Not only were we running the fat off his hogs, he was afraid we might get bit or break an arm.

Hogs try to turn every way including inside out, then they just lie down. But it is a pretty wild ride while it lasts.

He did not mind us riding the cows.

Cows are pretty docile once they are broken, and will even come to be ridden, like a pony, but we never told him about riding the bull.

We were just small then.

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We also had an old shetland pony. Her name was Toots.

She liked little kids and a little kid could not fall off of her.

She had a few quirks.

To catch her you had to have an apple, If you did not have an apple she would not let you get close. She would just walk all over the pasture just far enough away that you could not grab her halter.

If you had an apple she would wait until you got real close. Then if you held the apple out on the palm of your hand she would reach and grab it.

When she did that you could grab her halter.

You had to be quick though and you had to keep your fingers out of the way of the apple.

She struck like a snake.

Once you had her everything was good and you could saddle or harness her with no problem, she would even help.

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Now about her and bigger kids.

My little brother and I were riding her around , both together, she liked little kids, and our 15 year old cousin Ted was there.

Grandma told him he was to go down the driveway to get the mail. (about 200 yards).

He ordered us off Toots and got on, turned her down the drive and kicked her in the ribs.

She broke into a full gallop. Her mane was flying in the wind.

I did not know she could still gallop like that.

Ted was leaning back and yelling WHOAH, trying to get her head back with the reigns, but she had the bit.

Just before they git to the wire gate at the end of the drive Toots put her head down and planted her hooves. The gate kept Ted from going across the road into the ditch.

Toots turned around and trotted back up the drive to the yard, then stood beside the porch so we could both get back on.

We were just small and needed the step up to reach the stirrup.