Do you have any really fuuunnnny quotes?

Question

Do you have any really fuuunnnny quotes?

Answer 1

"children in the dark cause problems, problems in the dark cause children"

"don't have s*x because you will get pregnant and die!" - the dad form ten things i hate about you.

Answer 2

"HAHAHAHAHA . . Dave, that apple juice is urine!"

but you really had to be there I guess.

Answer 3

"I see dead people."

"So? I see your mom.

And zombies.

At the same time.

giggidy giggidy."

Answer 4

my quote I say randomly is "Internet is like traveling around the world in your seat XD" Or repeat the c**p and call myself a c**p screamer -_-

OR "Candy taste like chicken if chicken were a candy" o_o

Answer 5

Make something foolproof and they invent a better fool.

(this might be a bit unsavory for some)

Arguing on the internet is like running in the special Olympics, even if you win, you're still retarded.

Answer 6

"I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get all the blame."  Laurence J. Peter

"I love mankind.  It's people I can't stand."  Charles Schultz

"Being in politics is like being a football coach.  You have to be smart enough to understand the rules, but stupid enough to think it's important."  Eugene McCarthy

"I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education."  Wilson Mizner

Answer 7

I don't know if anyone thinks it's funny, but I like the one I have on my MySpace page.  "If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos.....then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation."

Answer 8

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

Answer 9

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'...

= Homer J. Simpson.

Answer 10

This girl called me and said "Come over. Nobody's home." I went over, and nobody was home.

Rodney Dangerfield

Answer 11

"Don't worry, I'll still be your friend, no matter what you put in your ***."

Answer 12

Early to bed and early to rise makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes.

Orson Scott Card in Ender's Game

Answer 13

Besides that Mrs. Lincoln....how did you enjoy the show?

Answer 14

for when you're using the bathroom=]

Here i am broken hearted

tried to S**t

but only farted.

Answer 15

Free Advice, Is Worth The Price...

Answer 16

"Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things!"

" The girl with the best junk in the trunk will bunk with the best hunk."

" I'm a musician, not a stripper!"

"I love choir, I'm a choir nerd."

"Inspiration always comes in the middle of the night, when you should be doing your homework."

"People told me I can't dress like a fairy. I say, I'm in a rock band and I can do whatever the h**l I want!"

"Some people at the shows are yelling, 'Marry me!' or whatever. And I'm like, 'Guys, let's just stop it.'"

"Everyone on the bus can laugh at me, and I'll be like... s***w you guys, I look good'"

"The more skin I show, the less people think I write my own songs."

"It's ok - it's a big word. Americans, it's cool, whatever. I'm not gonna say anything, people should just read more books."

"I am a little death obsessed, I always have been."

"Sometimes I pick my nose. There you have it."

"He's full of c**p. He signs everything."

"That was real. I climbed up that stuff. And I fell. But there's this shot where's this really really big fall and a girl with an unattractive @ss. That's not my @ss. I've got a way better @ss than that girl."

"F*ck you, pal."

Said to someone who kept yelling at Amy Lee to take off her shirt during a concert in London.

"Kiss my f*cking @ss in D minor!!"

"I wanna see all your hands in the air, I don't care how stupid you think you look. Rock and roll is about looking stupid. I mean- look at me!"

~*~ Amy Lee Hartzler of Evanescence.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

You laugh because I'm different...........

I laugh cause I just farted!

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?

'Hold my purse.'

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."  

He who laughs last didn't get it.

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Answer 17

These are all Oscar Wilde, British writer, 1854-1900:

"I never travel without my diary.  One should always have something sensational to read in the train."

"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."

"Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die."

"Really. .. if the lower orders don't set us a good example, what on earth is the use of them?"

And these are from Mark Twain, American writer, 1835-1910:

"Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough..."

"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated." (from a cable sent to the Associated Press)

"It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no native American criminal class except Congress."

"Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits."

"When angry, count four; when very angry, swear."

"Always do right.  This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."

"I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey."

"Man is the only animal that blushes. . . or needs to."

"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that the cat has only nine lives."

From Queen Elizabeth I of England, 1533-1603:

"I will make you shorter by the head."