Do you have college age or adult kids? Help me understand?

Question

after struggling to finish school for a few years, my mom offered to help me pay my tuition, she claims that i never told her that i had financial problems, but that is not true, she knew that i was having a hard time paying tuition, tha financial aid wasnt enough, and that i was having to take crappy jobs to make money and survive. she knows i was going into credit card debt becuz of school and when i told her i was defaulting she never offered to help. she says i can call her anytime but i dont think she is sincere, i asked her for help once and she acted annoyed, and i wouldnt have aske her if i didnt really need it. i dont ask her for money usually, she offered to pay, but then tries to make me feel bad for not being done with college yet when she knows i am struggling. i had to call her out on her b.s. which she will never admit to, but i feel like she doesnt care because all this time i was stuggling, it could have been prevented because she had the money to help me, she let me default on things, and take crappy jobs and deal with sh*tty people, when she could have helped me from the very beginning. she has made me feel ashamed by lying and telling people that i am working on my masters, i'm on my bachelor's, but she wont admit why she said that. the question is, i dont know if she just didnt pay attention when i said i was having trouble, and now she realizes that i am mad, and that this is serious, or does she not care. how do you deal with your kids when they left the nest, did you help them through school, did you notice if they were struggling or if something were wrong? i'm looking for some insight.

Answer 1

Get a student loan,or see if you qualify for a Pell grant.Just explain to people your poor old mom wouldn't know a bachelors degree from a p.h.d. if it bit her.Then do the best you can without any help from her.At least you can say you put yourself through school and will appreciate what others go through who have to work all their lives without a degree son.Remember them.

Answer 2

Sounds like you think your mom owes you something. She really doesn't. I was surprised to learn that parents are not required to pay for a child's college education. They can help them get a loan. Our kids got scholarships, so the bills were minimal, but they also worked part time during school, and all summer long.

If you are really that bad off you might look into a school like Berea College in Kentucky. They are there to help families with low incomes. If they can't help, they might tell you another school that operates on the same premise. At Berea, instead of tuition, you must have a job on campus. Every kid does.  

Answer 3

I understand your anger towards your mother, but you have to understand that she is no longer financially responsible for you.  I don't know her background, but perhaps her parent(s) dropped her like a hot potato the moment she became of age, forcing her to fend for herself.  She would then assume the same for you.  This is not an unusual mentality among adults.  

The jobs are not the best, but you need to take them.  You are a grown person now and therefore must act like one.  Hoping mother will bail you out of life's problems will not teach you a thing.  Maxing out credit cards, defaulting on payments and rolling pennies for gas, however, will.  

This is the time of your life.  It sucks real bad and you'll want to give up on it everyday.  But at the end of this college road, when all your bills are finally paid, you will smile to yourself knowing that it was YOU who got you through it; not your mother.

Good luck to you!

Answer 4

My kids aren't college age yet but while I was in school and working,  I too got into a bind every now and again. My parents did help me but I had to repay them. The hardest thing was giving all credit cards, including my gas card to my dad so I could not use them. He was there to help me out and lend more moral support than finicial support. Only when I was close to filing for bankruptcy did he bail me out. It was a hard lesson to learn. I have since made sure I never get in that position again. Best thing you can do is contact a credit cousling agency (most are free of charge) and get help from them. They can help you work with your creditors and get you lower interest rates, or remove in the interest completly. Most Companies don't want to deal with the individual card holder, but when you have someone else call from so-and-so agency, they tend to help out even more. Have you looked on line for pail grants and other schloarships to help you through college. Even though you have already started, there are some out there that you can still get.

Now with your mom, she's making you see life for what it really is. She shouldn't be "snotty" about it and could help you if she so chooses but why she's not, I don't know. I can't even imagine not helping my kids if I am able to. Hopefully I won't have to.

I hope one day that the high schools will make taking a personal finacnce course mandatory, to prepare students for the real life and what kinds of trouble you can get into with credit cards.