Do you have limits for your children when it comes to their "freedom of expression" ..........?

Question

..........with the cloths they choose to wear, color and style of their hair, etc...........

Answer 1

Our kids are only 9 and 7, so we haven't gotten there yet, but we have talked about it.

We decided that the first thing that needs to happen is our children have to be old enough and mature enough to understand that while it may not be fair, people do judge you based on your appearance.  

Once that is established, if they really feel the need to dress a certain way or do their hair a certain way, then the limits are this:  You don't show any body parts in public that are meant to be private, and you don't do anything that is permanent (like piercings, tattoos, etc).  

If they think through their decisions and make a choice to reflect themselves..and hopefully not just because all their friends do it, then we really don't care too much.  Our thoughts on the subject is if the worst thing they ever do is dye their hair purple then we are pretty lucky.  Heck, they could wear a chicken suit to school for all I care.

Answer 2

My oldest is 16 so with her the rule is if it is allowed at school then I say nothing.  During the summer when school is out then she has a little more room for argument but honestly as long as it isn't way to skimpy or inappropriate then I let her wear it.  The latest was bright red streaks in her hair, compromise was it was done with spray in color spray that washes out she gets her bright hair and I get a nice girl for church, family dinners etc.

You can allow your child to be free in expressing themselves and still have some say in how they do it if you are willing to compromise and find solutions that work for both of you.  Now my son on the other hand is 8 and one who refuses to match his clothes, thinks boots with shorts is a fashion statement etc.  Again I let him go and warn him the other kids are going to make fun of him but they don't they think of him as the leader of the pack, however he knows if it is for church or something important then he will dress in nice clothes that match and no boots allowed.

Compromise is the key

Answer 3

We do have limits.  We base our standards on the Bible.  We follow that as our guide.  For example, the Bible teaches up to be modest.  It doesn't specify what "modest" is, so we have to use our own judgment.  If my daughter (who is only five, so we haven't had this happen) wanted to wear a shirt that showed her midriff, she wouldn't be allowed because in our opinions, that is not pleasing to God.  So in that situation, she wouldn't be allowed to "express herself" that way.

We do try to find a way to not have to say no about everything they want to do, though.  But some things are non-negotiable.

I know not everyone agrees with that and I can respect the right of others to feel differently.  This is just how we live our lives.

Great question!

ZAZA...Thank you.  :-)

Answer 4

Yes somewhat.

I have all boys, and they are all under 5yo. So they basically get told what to wear, but I do try and buy for their personalities. If I don't think something is suitable for them, I don't buy it. If someone buys them something unsuitable I give it back to them.

With their hair I am fine, but they won't be having shaved heads any time soon. I don't care if Daddy had no hair, they were all born with hair, and that's the way I like it.

Answer 5

yes but i never really have to get on to them cause they know what they can and can`t wear

Answer 6

Absolutely.

Although my oldest is only ten, I have let her know that, too.

I've also started setting rule for clothing, etc. regarding modesty and my husband and I explained to her that at ten years old, she is normal to think nothing of running around in her bathing suit sans cover-up, but a 10-11 year o d boy is becoming a totally different creature and quite possibly *will* think something of it, that that is normal, and natural but that we are above animal 'peacock display' type behavior..  As my husband put it, 'even the nicest boy in the world is a raging pervert in adolescence. No need to be their practice targets. There are other types of women and girls for that sort of thing'.

Of course, I also live by example, my daughter knows I value both style and modesty and that the two can, indeed, be combined.  I expect the same of my younger children, but the ten year old is the only one we've actually begun to approach the topic with, in a formal 'discussion' of 'this is how things are, and this is what we expect of you' manner.

Answer 7

Guidelines

Limits

Rules

Structure

Responsibility

Values

     &

LOVE......Children thrive in this atmosphere. My kids are now 17 (senior in high school), 14 (freshman in HS) and 12 (8th grade), I am a single-parent  and have been for almost 13 years...2 girls (17 and 12) and 1 boy (14). I do have limits on their "Freedom of Expression" because I'm the MOM and this is part of my job to set Ground-Rules and Limits in the areas of Social Behavior,Good-Taste,Grace and Morality...if not from ME, where will they learn it? We all know the answer to that. I don't treat my Son differently either in this area...my Girls are not allowed to wear things that show too much skin (Too short of skirts nor too short shorts, no midriff tops) they can dress Cute and Fashionable but do so Modestly...the same rules apply to my Son...he cannot run around with his pants down so far that his butt and half or his Boxers shows(a BIG fashion statement in our area) and his pants are to fit him properly (it is a little easier with boys I will admit) LOL...I think so many parents just give in to fashions that are immodest because they feel their children won't fit in with other kids if they don't...this is sooooo NOT TRUE...my 3 are extremely popular and have many friends (I also watch their associates) My Son is a two-time MVP in Football and Wrestling and both of my Girls Cheer and have for years...Children Crave Guidance and Loving Discilpline, PARENTS you are NOT going to alieanate your children by giving them limits...you will gain their RESPECT and they will feel Secure.

Answer 8

I think I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.  I'm willing to make compromises, but I don't particularly want my daughter dressing like a s**t and I don't particularly want my boys dying their hair all the colors of the rainbow.  That being said, most things are just temporary and a phase, so.... compromise, compromise, compromise.  We'll see how it goes.  lol

*Yes.  Hats off to her!  I have to make myself stop and say "our" children sometimes or "we".  I'm particularly bad about it right now because my husband is deployed, so it's literally just me for now.

Answer 9

my daughter is one n a half , but she still wants to wear a particular dress or shoes,,, but we have started to check her on this cause we think it's now that we sow the seeds for the rest of their lives! of course we have to have limits for them ,,,we are parents they are our responsibly ! we do have experience on our side and if we do not teach them from our experience's and let them make there own mistakes we would only be xeroxing our lives!

Answer 10

My mom is limits me and my sisters----"expressions"------but not in a bad way, I mean we still argue sometimes about certain clothing issues, but not alot, I guess because my mom started letting me choose my own clothes since I was little and would "ok" them before I left the house. She doesnt do that any more but if she thinks that something is inappropriate then we talk about why and i have to change....we fight about many things, some things are worth fighting for, since i know i am gonna lose anyways.