Do you have time for five lines?

Question

"Cost" - oddquain

Blood

on your lips,

red rifts in your heart.

A terrible price paid for

love.

Answer 1

Hey Evadne,

Nice crisp image. I like the way this reads. One minor suggestion:

Unless this is a form that requires a certain syllable count per line, you may want to drop "for" down to the last line. Breaking on for takes away some of the drama from the final line. I think doing the break on paid may have more punch.

Whatever you choose to do, these are some nice lines.

Answer 2

d**n, that was amazing. I like it a lot! It is so much more than 15 words.

Good Job!

Answer 3

nhhhhhhhhhh a terrible price is it ? Depends on point of view I suppose...Probably in the long run it would be terrible

Answer 4

I always have time for five lines from you...and these are some powerful five lines!

Answer 5

"Hi!",

Wow, That was so creatively done for such a little poem.

"Small, bitter sweet and BRILLIANT!"

WELL DONE!

Cheers  : )

Answer 6

Wow.  It seems to pack a lot of meaning in 5 lines.

Answer 7

a terrible price paid for love really sticks. It is a strong use of words.  Good job.

Answer 8

I loved this poem... the title didn't do it any justice!!

Very lethal..

Temari

Answer 9

I like your oddquain .. it is a challenge to keep to a specific syllable count.  This poem is powerful, and your juxtoposition of blood love-- the cost is high indeed.

T.

Answer 10

I am becoming a very big fan of your shorter works... not that i do not like the longer ones but this is where you shine... one of the places you shine... when a poet is able to place such depth in such a small space....... you and Amy are the goddess' of this power... I need long series'... but we all shine in our own light...

Answer 11

Ferds wail me. And thus, just one more WOW!!