Do you have to be "in love" ?

Question

I am supposed to marry my fiance in four months and i was wondering whether or not it was important that we be "in love" with each other. I mean yeah we love each other and all that mushy stuff. But i don't have those "birds chirping and air smelling sweeter and all that fuzzy stuff"! But aren't I supposed to be head over heels and all that stuff?

Answer 1

no duh, you're getting married because ur inlove with each other...

Answer 2

If your not  " In Love " then maybe you should wait a little.. he may not be the right one. ( just an opinion ) Good Luck and I hope everything works out just perfect for you!

Answer 3

Real love isn't always like that. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 6 years (and the wedding hasn't come up yet since we're both still busy with getting our degrees), so obviously the giddy head-over-heels stuff will have settled down long ago by the time wedding talk starts. The only people who think love is like that all the time are the people who meet, date, get engaged, and married way too quickly. Being in love doesn't necessarily have specific characteristics to look for...if you're happy, healthy, strong, and can't imagine being or feeling any better with another person, that is plenty reason to say you're "in love".

Answer 4

When you marry, you should feel like you cannot live without that person by your side....muchless, you should not have any doubts.

Answer 5

No, you're not "supposed to" feel this way or that way. What works for one person doesn't work for somebody else. Burning passion and chirping birds exist for only a short time out of the total lifetime of a relationship anyway - if you are married for "the rest of your life", it could be 50 years; the birds will not be chirping this whole time, I assure you. Most of your marriage will be spend not chasing the butterflies, but building a stronger bond based on deep love and friendship. If you feel that there's a potential of this strong bond to emerge, you're in the right relationship. Not everybody has the butterflies, but the deeper bond is absolutely essential to a healthy long-term relationship. The "head over heels" feeling is temporary, and not everyone you are "head over heels" about is suitable as a long-term partner. Dig deeper. Does it feel right to you to be with this person? Can you picture yourself in this relationship a year from now? 5 years from now? 10 years? Can you put up with each other's quirks without much trouble? Do you enjoy your relationship, are you happy? Just as you don't have to be drunk to have fun at a party, you don't have to necessarily have the "birds chirping" to have fun in a relationship.

Answer 6

I personally would like to feel that way about the person I was about to embark on a life journey with, but by no means do you have to feel that way. You maybe better of, because those feelings wear off over the years and you start to experience what true love is. So you may have the recipe for success my friend!

Answer 7

In some cases love will come later that is if you are doing it for your kids. But you got to have some type of love for this guy right? If not do not do something that you will hate yourself for and then start mistreating him so do it because you know you love him .

Answer 8

not necessarily

as long as you love him, or are in love with him.

and not in love with the concept of a wedding

you'll be ok

Make sure you do love each other

adn you want to get married

or you'll waste time money and lots more

goodluck

Answer 9

yes you need to be "in love" but you dont have to be all mushy all the time. the way you know if your "in love" is when it dosent matter what anyone says and he is the only one that matters in your life

Answer 10

don't ruin your life if you are not sure take some time to figure it out if he loves you he will understand and wait

Answer 11

h**l yeah you are supposed to be in love.  Marriage is much more of a commitment than something you can just wait to develop.  If you don't have legitimate feelings for him both on a passionate and committed level than you need not get married.  More than 50% of all marriages end in divorce nowadays.  I guarantee if you get married now, you'll be one of those divorce statistics.

http://www.digitalfuntown.com/homepage.p...

Answer 12

"In love" has different meanings to different people. In my definition, yes I think being in love is important, not just loving the person. I love my brother, but I am in love with my husband.

Part of the being in love is the spark, the chemistry, the butterflies/hormonal stuff. Yes, you need that - because honestly it lasts - because it's not just lust, it's what makes each day and year exciting and important. My husband and I still have that after almost 19 years (I can't believe it's been that long!). He still gives me the shivers, and all it takes is a look between each of us.... if you know what I mean.

Over the years the love has deepened and grown, and it's wonderful. It has matured with us, but something our son said recently to me really stuck with me and touched me. He's 16, and we were just talking 'about nothing' and it turned to talking about love - and I asked him if he knew how much me and his dad loved each other. He said - "He's still so crazy about you - don't you see his eyes when he walks into the house after work? No matter how tired he is, they still just light up when he sees you!" I just thought that was so sweet. Currently, he's prone to saying, "Just get a room, you two." - not that we do anything inappropriate in front of him, we just bug each other a lot, and get to tickling sometimes while watching tv, for example.

So, in my books, to summarize - in love is where to be!

Answer 13

There shouldn't be questions like that in your head. You should love him in every sense of the word

Answer 14

just by reading this i can tell you should not marry him.

Answer 15

Yes there is a difference, you can love someone and not be IN LOVE with them.  If you aren't IN LOVE with him, then don't marry him!

Answer 16

everybodys different,not every1 feels the same feelings,they express it differently.if u can see a good future with this person,and u love him ,maybe ur just more reserved or quiet,thats ok.

Answer 17

If by "in love" you mean flowers and bird chirping and fireworks all the time, then no.  That stuff is nice, but it's not realistic to expect it to be a part of the relationship all the time.  Real love is a lot less exciting, but a lot more secure.

Answer 18

All I can tell you is how I felt when I got married. I know I was "in love" not because of birds chirping etc, but instead because my husband made me a stronger person, made me happier than any other man could, and I felt that life would not be the same or as good without him. You know what's in your heart.

Answer 19

I would have thought if you were going to marry you should be in love yes! Why marry then, if you are not sure. Why not just carry on as you are.

When I married my husband I was head over heels and still am. I can't imagine that we would have been able to overcome all the problems that a normal marriage throws up if we hadn't been in love. I'd say, don't marry any one you are not 100% certain you want to spend the rest of your life with. It'll only end in divorce.

Answer 20

You should.

But you shouldn't be with the guy you can live with, you should be with the guy you can't live without.

[Just[]Justine]

Answer 21

I understand what you are asking. Basically, you mean that want to know if its okay to get married if you are in love but don't feel all that mushy-first dating-heart racing stuff? Am I right? Yes, this is perfectly normal and it actually means that you are probably really in love and not lust and are mature and serious enough to get married. Those mushy things, bells and birds and things like that are often not signs of love, but signs of lust and infatuation and the excitement of a new boyfriend/girlfriend. Most of the time those feelings fade if you have been together for a long time even though you still love each other. It's practical too. It would be hard to get anything done if you were hearing birds chirping when you were discussing paying the bills, or whether to call a plumber for the broken toilet. :-> This is often a sign that your relationship is in a deeper and more serious place. No, you are not supposed to be head over heels. I love my fiancée to death but we are childhood sweethearts and I don’t think the air smells sweeter when he's there. In fact sometimes I tell him he smells funny and needs to take a shower? But that's love and that’s life. You can still love someone and think they have a bad case of BO and the fact that you can do that means its real love, not lust or a crush or anything like that.

My mom always said that real love is not flowers, love letters and gifts, its holding back someone’s hair while they throw up and being kind and good to them in the good times and the bad. My fiancée held my hair back when I threw up and I have a feelings yours would too.

Answer 22

if you have to even question it...

Answer 23

Well, you should be in love with the person you are going to marry, absolutely.  But you don't have to be in the giddy high school phase where you are completely smitten with eachother and nothing else in the world matters.  If you love and respect eachother, both in a romantic AND realistic way, you are all set.

Answer 24

OMG......you soooo don't wanna do it!!!!! Gurrrlllllllllll you better get out of it while you still can!!! You know he krazy!!!!! It's alll about luvvv! You have to be in luv....what's wrong with you???LOLOLOLO

Answer 25

I was. Why are you getting married if you aren't in love. You can love someone without being "in love". You may as well marry a cousin!!

Answer 26

its dangerous to be fixacted into this who *rose colored glasses* ideal... when u see nothing but that u are very likely to be infatuated... marriage and love is not all about that....but remember that there IS  a difference between  simply lovin someone and being in love with someone... make sure u are in love.. being in love is based on respect, motives and tender sentiments... not based soley on passion and *aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwww* moments (although that IS important)

best wishes

Answer 27

Please be truthful to yourself and don't become another statistic.

I hope this helps you...

My favorite quote of all time from Captain Corelli's Mandolin: "when you fall in love"

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is! "

Answer 28

Not really when i got married i wasnt but it would come in time  but if u feel its not going to last then u probably want wait a while longer

Answer 29

You might not feel the birds chirping if you have been with him for a long time and are now just getting married, however even if you have been with someone for 10 years and you decided to just get married, I think there would still be excitement. Also, you love your mother and you love your friends, so you need to be very sure that the love you have for your fiance is not the same love you would have for a friend. Make sure you know what you want and that you are not just settling because it would be unfair for both.

Answer 30

it helps...

but keep in mind the "flutters" fade... and the ability to make each other happy is what lasts.

good luck :o)

Answer 31

Can you see ur future without ur fiance? If not then your ready but if you can or you have doubts about it then maybe your not ready... I would say yes you have to be "in love" to marry someone.