Do you have to raise your kids catholic in order to be married into the Catholic church?

Question

I am catholic but my fiance is non denominational. I am a little nervous on going through pre cana and my fiance isn't too keen on the idea of getting married in the catholic church ( he doesn't believe some of the things we do are right) I was hoping someone could give us a bit of insight on what to expect so it may be easier for him to get used to the idea... I wasn't raised a proper catholic and don't know all the answers.

Answer 1

I am going through the exact same thing.

Actually, we have already done the Pre-Cana classes and are doing the NFP classes now.

You, as the Catholic, must promise to do your best to raise the children Catholic, it is something that you sign when you ask for a dispensation. The priest will push to have the children raised Catholic because we understand the fullness of faith we receive by going to Mass.

Does your fiance also have to promise this? No. Only you, as the Catholic, must. But this will mean infant baptism, first communion, confirmation, confession and daily Mass. The best thing to do is talk to your fiance about it, learn all you can about your religion and why we believe what we do.

A great site is http://www.scripturecatholic.com, John Salza has quite a few books that are ver helpful. My fiance is reading one of them now about the Biblical Basis for the Catholic Faith.

Set up a time for both of you to discuss why you believe how you do, but you have to be prepared. Some of the reasons they have seem great, unless you understand Catholicism and our approach to the Bible.

As it is, for a Catholic to marry a Non-Catholic, this is what must be done:

--Talk to a priest, he has to approve your marriage and receive a dispensation from the presiding bishop.

--Take the Pre-Cana Class (this was a lot of fun! They go over everything without holding anything back)

--Must be open to life (this means no abortions, no sterilizations, no mutilation of the genitals and no contraceptives.)

--Must be married by a Catholic officiant (priest or deacon)

--The Non-Catholic will not try to stop the Catholic from attending Mass

--Any children will be raised, to the best of the ability of the Catholic spouse, Catholic.

Send me a message if you have any questions, I'm going through the same thing you are.

Answer 2

God bless you in your journey of love.

The Catholic Church recognises the danger to Children in a "mixed marriage" (A marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic) of them falling away to another religion that does not possess the fullness of truth.

Therefore, she lovingly mandates that in all mixed marriages the children must be raised Catholic (Both spouses must agree) in order for it to be a marriage in the eyes of God.

There is a whole section on mixed marriages in canon law here:

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__...

I suggest you go speak with your local priest for a better answer but here is the relevant section.

Canon 1125

1/ the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;

In love,

JD

Answer 3

In order to get married in the Church, you and your fiance must be open to children - which it appears that you are.  You must promise to do your best to raise your children in the Catholic faith.  Your fiance doesn't need to promise to raise your children Catholic because he isn't one.

You must have made some steps to approach a Catholic parish in order to get married in the Church - or you wouldn't be worried about attending pre-cana (or marriage preparation).

I wouldn't be nervous about the marriage preparation.  You will learn more about your faith and they will focus on the skills needed for your marriage to survive.  It is not a painful process if you are open.

Your fiance doesn't need to believe in what he believes in wrong, but there will be an expectation that if you are getting married in the Catholic faith that you do believe in the basic tenants of its faith.  More than likely, it is a lack of understanding of the Catholic faith by your fiance and why Catholics do what they do.

Assuming your immediate and extended family are Catholics, you will be attending a number of Catholic services over your married lives together - other marriages, funerals, baptisms.  It is probably time for him to join your family and understand a little about your faith - just like it is time for you to join his.

God Bless and Good Luck!

Answer 4

No, if you get married in the catholic church you are not required to raise your kids as Catholics, that is your perogative. I am a former catholic so I know the rules. You and your husband really need to sit down and discuss whats going to happen between the two of you. its not fair to make him marry in the catholic church if his beliefs do coincide with the church. And later on down the road fights are going to happen, whether you like it or not, He will resent you, and you both will fight over who is taking the kids to church this sunday. Not pretty.  

Answer 5

A catholic if married to a non-catholic must do everything to raise their kids Catholic, and your future husband cannot have any objections. If he does and the Church doesn't recognize your marriage, one it will be a mortal sin and two you would be playing roulette with your kids salvation. No offense, but before you get married I would seriously consider it. "Marry your own" is not  bad advice. I am worried your kids won't get the rich traditions, the unity of the family rosary, of everyone going to church together on Sunday, you might fight over catholic school vs protestant school, you might fight over having Catholic Art or Crosses in your home, what happens at Christmas, Easter, Good Friday, Pentecost, the Assumption. Surely your fiance and you have disagreed on views of Mary and the Saints, and you will be at fault, if your children will not be raised to love Mary and honor the saints. You will not have the backing of your fiance, or if you do, he is trapped. Your fiance will be trapped, conflicted. I would do all in your power to get him into an RCIA program at a Catholic Church, if not, consider the children. I'll give you some websites, so you can learn more of the faith, help your husband and where you can buy books about marriage.

Here is a cite that should help your fiance, but you must read THE WHOLE THING

http://www.sspv.net/flash_paper/articles...

http://www.catholicapologetics.info/

http://www.acts1.info/e_books/THE%20HAPP...

http://www.acts1.info/e_books/A%20Letter...

http://www.angeluspress.org/oscatalog/de...

And this cite has a lot of good articles and the store has cheap books:

http://www.olrl.org/

Answer 6

I was raised Catholic and I have only one thing to say:  you're kids would be blessed to be raised Catholic.

Answer 7

You could always get married a park or a romantic place, doesn't exactly have to be in a church.

Still counts as being 'married'.

Goodluck with your marriage also ;)

Answer 8

Get married wherever you decide between you,

But sort out the children's intended upbringing asap.

Answer 9

I believe you have to promise to raise to raise them Catholic.

Answer 10

You, as a Catholic person, would have to promise to raise your kids to know and understand the Catholic faith. Your fiance does not. He's free to raise the kids to know and understand his faith, too. It's equal.

It's good that you two are talking about all this now. Many non-denominational churches teach their followers a lot of lies about Catholicism. Going through pre-cana -- and you should probably both go to RCIA, too -- will help clear up a lot of misconceptions that your fiance probably has about Catholicism. For example, if he believes that Catholics don't follow the Bible or if he believes that Catholics worship Mary and don't have a personal relationship with Jesus, or if he believes that Catholics can sin all they want because they can just go to confession and get rid of their sins, a little education into what REAL Catholicism is all about will help immensely.

After he learns what Catholicism REALLY is, he will surely have a much easier time with being married in the Church and enabling you to raise your kids to know and understand Catholicism.

You might want to pick up a copy of "What Catholics REALLY Believe" by Karl Keating. Or even the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, which is a simple, Q&A version of the Catechism to help your fiance get a leg up on Catholic Theology. The Compendium is available free on-line.

BTW, I'm sure he'll appreciate pre-Cana when you are done with it. Most non-denominationals don't do much marriage preparation because marriage is not a sacrament for them. When your fiance is exposed to the beautiful interpretation of Holy Matrimony in the Catholic Church, he will become quite inspired!  

Answer 11

A Catholic marrying a non-Catholic must state their intention to do "everything possible" to raise their children in the Catholic faith. The non-Catholic party does not have to make any such statement, but must be made aware of the promise made by the Catholic party. He should also understand that you as a Catholic do not have options other than marrying in the Catholic Church. Any other type of "wedding ceremony" would not result in a valid marriage.

Answer 12

I would suggest since you really arent a practicing or proper catholic, that you get married at a non-denominational church.

Answer 13

I was raised catholic. I only have 1 thing to say:

RUN!!!!!!! RRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!!...

Answer 14

The answer to your question is yes, and it will be explained to both of you in the marriage preparation (Pre Cana) class.  It may help if you understand that before Christ elevated the dignity of matrimony to a Sacrament a bride was literally purchased by the bridegroom from the bride's father and a marriage contract was issued.  Very seldom did the bride have any say in this as marriages were 'arranged' and frequently the most attractive brides went to the 'highest bidder.'  

Today so many marriages end in divorce because the couple fails to understand that Marriage is a life-time commitment between two consenting adults who are not coerced by any means into matrimony.

In a nutshell what you are looking at is this:  When a Catholic Christian wants to marry a non-Catholic Christian the Bishop of your Dioceses has to 'sign-off' on this.  To do so your fiance must be willing to raise any children you may have together as Catholic until they reach the age of accountability.  You will be told about artificial birth control, abortion, etc.  

Honestly, it can be disconcerting for a non-Catholic but  Marie, the reason for the marriage preparation classes is to hopefully prevent your marriage from ending in a divorce.   You know that so many marraiges nowadays end in divorce.  In the Catholic Church you are entering into a Sacrament rather than a 'contract' as you would today  in a civil ceremony.  And so your marriage is expected to be until Death do you part. I've known of couples who have amiably broken-off their engagements after the marriage preperation classes.  They realized that they were not meant for one-another.

I hope that helped and let me wish you and your fiance the best.

H

Answer 15

Hi, although the priest would expect you to do it, we cant make you, in Canon Law it allows a non Catholic to marry in Church, so that's good, but the best advice i can give you is to just be good parents, love each other like you do, and try your best to have strong family values. many priests have lost direction slightly, but some of us are trying to be more understanding to Gods wishes and not just being Catholic. Believe me, every sunday i see fake christians attend, at least you have a good heart and want the best for your children. work with your husband and decide everything together, and God will always listen to you both and understand. where as we priests at times can be set in our ways, and i do understand not every situation is the same. good luck and be happy. In Domino

Answer 16

You and your fiance need to talk about this further. Is he baptized? If not, he needs to be baptized in any Christian religion. My husband is Methodist and I am Catholic. We actually were married twice - in the Methodist and the Catholic churches.

When you are married in the Catholic church, you need to do your best to raise your children in the faith. You make that promise when you are married.

Regardless, you and your fiance really need to discuss this at length before getting married. It is really vital that you are both on the same page as far as your faiths and the raising of future children.

Answer 17

It used to be that the non-Catholic spouse had to promise to raise the children Catholic. I believe that has changed to something like the non-Catholic promising not to hinder the Catholic education of the children.

I am very happy to see that you want children as part of your marriage. Congratulations! That is what it is all about!

I know you say you are not a proper Catholic, but at least you are thinking of getting married in the Catholic Church. If you feel strongly enough to get married in the Church, then you must feel strongly enough to raise your children Catholic. If you do not feel that the Catholic Church is the Church that Jesus established, no reason to get married in the Church. But if you DO know that the church Jesus established is the Catholic Church, then naturally you would want your children to share in that wonderful knowledge as well.

Answer 18

I married an agnostic and I'm Catholic. He had to say we would raised the kids Catholic. I have three from my first marriage, so that was a given. But they threw the just in case you have more in there. But yes, he has to agree to raise them Catholic. He can talk to your Priest about the things that he "finds wrong" in the Church and your Priest can straighten him out. Congratulations on your new life together.  

Answer 19

<<Do you have to raise your kids catholic in order to be married into the Catholic church?>>

The Church expects Catholic parents to raise and educate their children in the beliefs and practices of the Catholic Church, yes.

<<I am catholic but my fiance is non denominational. I am a little nervous on going through pre cana and my fiance isn't too keen on the idea of getting married in the catholic church ( he doesn't believe some of the things we do are right)>>

All the more reason for BOTH of you to attend pre-cana. They address issues such as inter-faith marriages, and how to deal with the issues that are likely to surface during your marriage.

Your fiance does not have to believe Catholic Doctrine in order to be married in the Church. What he WILL have to tolerate in his/your children's Catholic Faith formation.

Non-Catholics who marry Catholics agree to see their children educated in Catholic beliefs and practices by virtue of the fact they marry a Catholic. If they are adamently against this, they best think it over, carefully, before walking down the aisle.

<<I was hoping someone could give us a bit of insight on what to expect so it may be easier for him to get used to the idea...>>

You both need to attend Pre-cana. There, you will both see this issue addressed, and have the opportunity to ask questions and even speak with inter-faith married couples to see how they cope.

<<I wasn't raised a proper catholic and don't know all the answers.>>

Get yourself a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and read. Learn your Church's beliefs and practices, at least, if for no other reason, because you will someday be teaching this to your children.

Answer 20

If I recall correctly, the catholic partner had to make a written promise to uphold their faith and bring up any children as catholics.  If your fiance is opposed to this, it can be referred to the bishop.

Why not compromise and marry in a registry office?

Answer 21

Whatever faith you follow, raise your children in a way that they can cross the world without any assistance. If they go for assistance anywhere there the trouble comes.