Do you judge a book by its cover? Do you need tears to convince you

Question

that someone is grieving?

Many people vilify Kate McCann for not falling apart. What most people don't know is that she was advised to keep a stiff upper lip by 'experts' who reasoned that if she wept publicly, the abductor would get a kick out of it. Kate McCann, herself, on seeing images of herself admits how unbelievably cold she was made herself to appear.

Can you just imagine how difficult that must be?

A grieving mother should at least have the luxury of giving vent to her grief & trauma. Madeleine's Mum was not given that luxury. And to add salt to her wounds, she was then blamed & accused for it.

Answer 1

People were against the McCanns long before the four month period after Madeleine was abducted.  Long before Kate McCann refused to answer the questions put to her, long before the cadaver dogs, etc etc.  They judged her on the fact that she did not show emotion.  People on this site wrote that there was something wrong with her, that their gut instincts told them she was a murderer, etc etc.

There are two sides to every story, and some people are unable to see any point opposing their "gut beliefs".  Even the little missing girl Shannon's mother (surname escapes me - but the fake abudction) was held up as an example of what a grieving mother should look like.

I'm not here to judge - that isn't my place.  I leave that to the police and courts.  They don't have enough evidence to charge the McCanns, they don't have any more leads.  After the Barry George story this week, I can only say how important proper evidence is.  We must never be ruled by our emotions, which can lead us into any direction.

The missing point in the whole story is "Where is Madeleine McCann?" - solve that mystery and the whole story might be clearer.  

Edit:  Simm - I'm sorry to hear about your story, but your brother was dead, your parents had the full facts.  They weren't desperately trying to save their child, and you have no idea how anyone in that situation would behave, when they are faced with such uncertainty.  Neither Kate or Gerry mcCann knew their daughter was dead, they thought she was kidnapped and they did what they had to do on the advice of professionals, to try and save her.  Aparently, too, after the discovery of their daughter's loss, Kate was hysterical.  Too bad there weren't cameras around to record the moment.

Answer 2

No.

Never judge a book by it's cover. EVERYONE knows that. Surely?

You can find the most beautiful person on the outside with a heart of stone inside.

I agree with you Faith. Just because the public have not witnessed Kate McCann distraught with grief (which wanting to see that in itself is slightly sadistic) does not mean she is not feeling that way. I admire hers and Gerry's unfailing strength. I couldn't do it. I'd be a heap on the floor. Useless to my missing daughter...IF that was me.

Answer 3

No, I go by facts, which are clear and evident in the 'Official Police report',which are sickening to say the least and no one would be able to advice me how to react. The thought makes me want to die. Read it for yourself and then you can decide. The Police have said it was impossible for an abduction, based on the many inconsistencies from the parents and their cronies. There is a lot more involved to this case and it is being covered up but the truth will come out in the end. And it's not just the ice maiden image that she is slated for, it's because of the fact she lied and ran away from helping the Police, not the actions of a loving caring innocent mother.

Answer 4

No I dont need tears - after my mum died it took me ages to be anything other than matter of fact about it most of the time.

Answer 5

Hustler you can.

Answer 6

However well meant the advice to show a stiff upper lip so as not to give the kidnappers any pleasure, it is not so easy to do that.  I don't think I could do so, therefore, I would not place myself in the position of being in the glare of the Press for weeks on end.  I simply cannot remember any similar case where the parents have allowed themselves to be paraded in this way.  It was incredibly bad advice because it generated a great deal of bad feeling towards the McCanns.

Their tragic loss is something that is never going to leave them because they must know, in their heart of hearts, that they should not have left their children alone at night. They can never escape that so, in all humanity, they deserve pity.

Answer 7

No Faith people vilify her for leaving 3 toddlers home alone in an unlocked foreign apartment while she went out on the p**s.  

Answer 8

no i don't need tears to convince me, and I don't ever judge a book by its cover, i flick through it or read a bit too see... I sat on the fence for a long while in the McCann case, and yes I was baffled by their actions, but their own words condemed them (for me) ..I listened to Kate on an interview not long after Madeleine had gone, and she was saying how she has "come to terms with her guilt" ..surely if you had left your babies alone in a unlocked apartment, and one was taken you would carry that guilt forever? (or is that just me?) my jaw also dropped when she told that she could sleep well, that she was tired at the end of the day? ..how do you possibly 'sleep well' when a part of your very being has been taken from you? I would be distraught!! (again that could just be me?? anyone else???)

Also yep they may have answered 200 questions when Madeleine first went missing, but what exactly is the problem with answering MORE questions? can you honestly think of one single question you would not answer if your child was missing? I would answer a million questions, no matter how insulting/ boring/ irrelevant.. I would answer any question, any amount of times..

As for the Portuguese police, what questionable history do you refer? have you ever had any dealings with them? If you thought you where going to be made a scapegoat, then surely you would do everything possible to actually clear your name ...stay and fight for your child and your reputation? Portugal is not a third world country like some of you seem to believe, in fact the ones that slate it.. I would love to know how many have actually been there... and how many have actually had dealings with the Portuguese police..  

Answer 9

A real hard thing to say if it was a good thing are not. One thing these experts may not have thought of do is this. The person that took Madeline could have been some mother that lost a child. She could be saying things like this to her "Look your mum doesn't even care she is not crying"  

Answer 10

Actually if she bothered answering the questions police put to her, I might be more sympathetic ........

The fact she excercised her right to silence speaks volumes.

Ive only known guilty people who do that. As for this quote.

"McCann family spokesman Clarence Mitchell said last night: “Kate was well within her rights not to answer if she didn’t want to.” "

Uh huh .... so why are you complaining then Clarence about the police not making progress when the KEY witness refuses to answer their questions???

Answer 11

To be honest the are to many pro McCanns answering with their hearts and not their heads, take all emotions away and you are faced with the events of that night, the McCanns neglected that poor child and it is through this that people will judge them, if it wasn't for these actions the child would still be here :)

Answer 12

Quite frankly my dear, I don't give a d@amn.  There are hundreds (possibly thousands) of children go missing every year but do we hear about them?  No.  The McCanns milked this far too much and many people are sick to the hind teeth of seeing their faces everywhere.  Yes it's sad that a child has gone missing, but I can't feel too sorry for them as I have my own life to lead.

Answer 13

Yes people on here need tears,  they all know how they'd reactin every single situation imaginable, they have a wealth of experience about them to be able to judge everyone that doesn't conform to their 'ideas'.

And if she had broken down in tears you would have people writing 'she's only crying for herself because she knows she's guilty'  

It's a horrible situation to be in for any parent, I can't say what I'd do if it were my son, I just know you find ways to exist somehow

Answer 14

I wont judge them as that pleasure is yet to come.

On the subject of the lack of tears, I thought I'd heard it all, but no I've been proved wrong. When my elder brother was killed, I'll never forget the image of my father trying to carry on whilst tears ran down his face. No he wasn't weeping openly, he just could not controll it. My mother was inconsolable and you tell me that she was told to keep a stiff upper lip! I'm sorry but my parents came from a time where that was the way and were strong in their resolve. No grieving parent is capable of simply turning off an emotion that would surely have to show. If you are a parent ask yourself if you could, how do you think you'd feel if "heaven forbid" your child was taken from you. Your answer is there.

Answer 15

Well ,I hope not!  Because if that is the way the world judges me and my brothers, they have another thing coming!  We got whipped with board strapping when we were kids for things like a sock on the floor and we were whipped for reacting facially emotionally(either smiling or crying) when others were whipped!  This trained us to not have expression.  We probably make excellent poker players!  lol

But it is very difficult for us to cry and laugh and it is exciting to me to witness either of these behaviors in any of us....just so human ....coming from the likes of us.

So when emotional things happen to us, things that would cause others to cry out, for instance, we don't, unless, of course, you want to wail away on our buttocks and backs with boards.....(I think that is labeled cruelty to humans?)...  jail time and such?

So, people who have had horrible childhoods in this respect, who might treat their children with utmost respect....(sometimes after a little counseling to get them on the right track), might still not be able to show emotion where the judgers might like to see it, in cases of emotional subjects.

I try to enjoy movies that make me cry, like I did "Mamma Mia".....after my daughter died of breast cancer at 30yrs old.  But it was not easy, but I cried like a baby!

Life does not always seem FAIR!

Hi!  I am a Forgive Affirmed Spirit and this is what I profess and try to act like.

Forgive Affirmed Spirit is the belief in a way of life that is a method of grief resolution and functional communication processing involving active listenning, sympathy, empathy and affirmation of shock, denial, anger, guilt, depression, loneliness and hope...a kind of ego-equilibrium seeking methodology.

A Greater Works of communication and action, a way to learn to love your enemies "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you AS IF YOU WERE THEM!"  



And nobody is perfect!  NOBODY!  We are all judgeable, hopefully in a graceful discerning way!   We are all doing our best every moment!

Humans judge everything  as we are a part of it.  Without difference, we have nothing to live for, nothing to witness.  Sin is difference, the relative seriousness with regards to law and survival of other beings, is punishable by the courts. The best way to judge is with as much graceful discernment as one can muster in a given moment!

Life is the question(uncertainty) asked by the exhaling infinitely compacted imagination invention, or no thing, which is completely certain of everything, completely omniscient or all knowing.

When I die, I believe I will be in a new state, aware of all that is and yet divided into the nature of dust that I am in, whereupon my dust shall fall.  My being will remain an infinite part of an infinite being and infinite knowledge without my material human being status of now. So there will be a change.



But my soul, my passions and discompassions, will move on to infinite places of comfort and challenge.  Able to return to this state of uncertainty and free choice illusion for another ride when it is called effectively to do so.

So that the children of God, the creations of God, .. are actually part in parcel of that God or Creation Energy!

This  life is a roller coaster ride. Enjoy your passion within it and whatever gathering of two or more in Forgive Affirmed Spirit to make it better can garner.

Healing be unto you and yours and me and mine in

Forgive Affirmed Spirit

Answer 16

The fact is Faith that she shoulders a huge amount of the blame,if she had protected her children in a responsible manner Maddie would still be with her today.

Answer 17

Very true, don't judge the book by it's cover.

They say that, blood is thicker than water. Hope this is the case for the McCann's.  Honestly, Gerry and Kate doesn't look like innocent to me.

I believed, that the truth will always come out sooner or later.

Justice will prevails.

The poor little girl is gone. We need to find out and bring to justice the people who are responsible for her death.

This case is so sad indeed.

Answer 18

It's not about tears, there are some people who find they cant cry due to shock  But the McCanns seem too cold, I would love to sympathise with them for going through this, but for some reason my gut instincts stop me .  Its not that I expect continual tears.  I just trust my gut instinct on these things, I dont read tabloids etc.

Answer 19

It is a well known fact that grieving mothers are held in contempt by all and sundry in current events. Personally I think this is a deploarble attitude. People do not need to express their grief in public to prove they are grieving. Grief is sometimes kept private because it is not necessary to share something so precious, with those who seek to destroy it.