Do you know any funny adult jokes?

Question

heres mine.

Two eggs got married, on the wedding night, he disapeared into the bathroom and was gone quite a while. When he re-emerged he had a crash helmet on. "Whats that for?" asked his bride He replied ,"Well, the last time i was this hard some B***** hit me over the head with a spoon."

Answer 1

once there were 2 ants that lived in a pair of panties, they both decide that staying there is boring so they decide to go separate ways, a day later they meet back. One ant says, my adventure was all warm, but it started getting all brown and dirty. the other ant says you have it good, cause at first it was all pink and warm, it was alllllll great till some bald guy started head butting me and spitting on me

Answer 2

A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together, when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler.

The little boy asks: "Can I have a beer Grandpa?"  

Grandpa replies: "Can your p****r touch your butt?"  

The little boy answered "No Grandpa. It's just a little p****r".  

Gramps says: "Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer".

A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.  

The little boy asks: "Can I have a cigar Grandpa?"  

Once again, Grandpa asks: "Can your p****r touch your butt?"  

Once again the little boy replies, "No, it's too little".  

Gramps replies, "Then you're not man enough to have a cigar".

A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some cookies.  

Grandpa asks, "Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?"  

The boy asks, "Can your p****r touch your butt?"  

Gramps replies, "Why yes, my p****r can touch my butt".  

The little boy replies, "Then go fu<|< yourself - Grandma made these for me".  

Answer 3

3 g*y guys were taking a bath. They were in the same bath when suddenly a condom floated up to the surface. Then one of the guys said "Who farted?

Answer 4

So there is a little girl with her mom and dad.

She takes a shower with her mom.

The little girl asked ''mom what are those things on you?''

The mom answered ''those are my light bulbs and grass.''

And they finished taking a shower that night.

The next day the little girl took a shower with her dad.

She asked ''dad what is that between your legs?''

He answered ''that is my snake.''

That following night the little girl came in her parents room and said ''mom,dad, your snake is in her grass.''

Answer 5

there are two sisters called milly, molly and f***y. these three sisters have massive feet. one night, milly and molly go to a ball. there boyfriends say, oh my word, your feet are hugee ! , they reply, if you think ours are big, you should see our ******

Answer 6

VD Chain

"Doc, I think my son has VD," a patient told his urologist on  

the phone. "The only woman he's screwed is our maid."

"Okay, don't be hard on him. He's just a kid," the medic soothed..

"Get him in here right away and I'll take care of him."

"But I've been s******g the maid too, and I've got the same

symptoms  he has."

"Then you come in with him and I'll fix you both up," replied the doctor.

"Well," the man admitted, "I think my wife has it too."

"Oh c**p!" the physician roared. "That means we've all got it!."