Do you know any jokes or riddles?

Question

Any type of joke or riddle. make jokes appropriate and give answers to riddles.

Answer 1

You want to hear a dirty joke? The Horse fell in the mud. Do you want to hear a clean joke? The horse took a bath with bubbles. Do you want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a guy.

LOL! ROTFLOL! LMAO! XD =)

Answer 2

okay, here's my riddle: You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?

answer: A telephone

Answer 3

what does the g*y horse eat?

hAaYy

Answer 4

A Plane Trip

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Answer 5

Why did the ant cross the road?

A truck just crushed the tunnel under it.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cause he couldnt fly! Duh!

Answer 6

I have a heart of stone, but if you cut me, I shed tears as red as my flesh.  What am I?

Answer:  a cherry (heart of stone = the pit).

Answer 7

When Casey stated he was getting married, his pet parrot was very upset & insisted on going on the honeymoon with the couple. "Okay, okay", his owner agreed to the bird, "You can come along, but I don't want you looking. You gotta promise that you'll look the other way when we're making love...and if you break your promise, you'll get nothing to eat!"

Not wanting to be left at home, the parrot readily agreed.

Before leaving on their honeymoon, Casey & his new bride were packing their suitcases, the man, out of breath, says to his wife, "I can't get it all in honey, you'll have to sit on it."

She says, "No, that won't work, I'll get on top and press down."

"No that's not gonna work, why don't we both get on top?"

It's then that the parrot thinks to himself, "Food or no food...this I GOTTA see!"  

Answer 8

Stinkin' Proof  



  One day, an old lady went to the store to get some food for her dog.

When she got to the counter to pay, the cashier said she needed proof that the old lady had a dog because some old people have been known to just eat the animal food themselves. So she went home got her puppy, bought it to the store and purchased the dog food.

One week later, she went to get some cat food. Once again the cashier needed proof that the old lady had a cat. So she went home, got her cat, came back and purchased the cat food.

Two weeks later, the old lady walked in the same market to buy something . She held a bag in front of the cashier and told him to put his fingers in the bag and then smell them. When the cashier did, he said, "It smells like p**p!"

The old lady replied, "Can I buy some toilet paper now?"

Answer 9

well....

Well a preist and a rabbi are talking and the preist said OMG