Do you know anyone who chose not to adopt after researching adoption issues?

Question

When I was an adoptee growing up there were some very special adults who had a positive influnces on my life. (Here's where I must insert the disclaimer that my adoptors were good people, i had pets, shelter, lots of toys they always told me they loved me; no fault on them) I didn't click with my adoptive parents, they didn't think, act, look or talk like me. I was lonely for something I didn't understand.

What helped me a great deal were certain adults - particular neighbors, an 'old maid' auntie, a certain family friend..... that made the effort to spend a moment with me, or share a story, or play board games with me. I credit these special mentors with greatly helping me through my childhood just by being there for me at certain times.

What all of those special adults had in common was - none of them had children, yet the impact they had on my life was priceless to me.

Don't people realize that there are always children around who would benefit from their time?

Answer 1

I know a few adoptive moms who adopted infants domestically, who have now chosen to go foster-adopt for their second children, because they've realized all the ethical problems with infant adoption in the U.S.

I also know a couple adoptive moms who started out doing domestic infant adoptions, but researched the issues while in process and thus switched to foster-adopt.

Answer 2

Myself. We wanted to adopt and did some research and decided against it based on the horror stories from adoptive mothers how they suffered greatly from the loss of their child.

Answer 3

Yes.  I know of a few people who decided against adoption once they had thoroughly researched it's effects on the mother and child.   They decided on helping mothers and children in different ways. It's rare though, not everyone has such altruistic motives, unfortunately.

Wow, Mikey I really appreciate a prospective adoptive parent who listens, thanks so much

Answer 4

i certainly do wish they'd realize it. It would end alot of the self entitled madness going on in the adoption industry, thats for sure. Wake up people, its not about havingyour name on a fake birth certificate so it "looks" like you're a mother, its about teaching a child they can trust you and being there for them regardless of what you're called and who you are in that childs life. love is love and theres always enough to go around the secrecy surrounding the origins of many of us, and our right to ourselves being denied, has got to stop.

Answer 5

Do I know anyone who has chosen not to adopt because of these issues? No, I can't say that I do.

But I can say that I for one am carefully weighing all of the pros and cons of adopting before proceeding.

Obviously, experiences such as yours and so many others must be considered.

Answer 6

I didn't have this experience but I do know people who have decided to NOT adopt OUT their children after researching adoption issues.

Answer 7

Yes, I do know someone who chose not to adopt after having researched adoption issues.  

A friend of mine who was struggling with infertility came to this conclusion on her own after research.  She and I had never discussed adoption, so it was quite interesting to me to hear how she was coming to terms with not having a child.  She does not live in the United States, though, and the country where she lives does not have the same kind of adoption industry as in the U.S., so perhaps that is partly how she came to peace with her decision.  She does have children in her life (relatives) and was beginning to explore ways she could spend time with them and other children (mentoring, coaching, tutoring, advocating, etc.).

She's the only one I know of personally who chose not to adopt after researching adoption issues.

Answer 8

I don't want children of my own, but I do enjoy interacting with them.  And I teach college, so I hope I provide guidance in my own little way.

To answer the question, my adoptive cousin and his wife can't have children.  They were considering adoption until his father, a child psychologist, talked them out of it.

Since nobody in the family has any idea this info got back to adopted me, I don't know how my cousin and his wife feel about this.  I do know they use the money they might have used to raise a child to travel the world.  They seem happy, and they have plenty of nieces and nephews to enjoy.