Do you know anyone who put their child up for adoption?

Question

How did it affect them? Were they depressed and how did they get over it?

Answer 1

I'm in the link

Answer 2

It is neverending grief.

Answer 3

yes, she is depressed even though it is an open adoption, she still gets pictures and updates but she wonders all the time what if her daughter were still with her & not someone else.... I feel bad but she wasnt NOT ready to have a child. You need to do whats best for the baby. I dont think she'll ever get over it.

Answer 4

yes I do, she was sad but she knew it was the right thing to do and got on with her life.  had two kids later in life and they're wonderful.  really, back then it was not cool to be a single mother plus our family was seriously dysfunctional.  I don't think anyone is doing the baby a favor by being a single mom.

Answer 5

I put my son up for adoption he will be 17 in four days.  It was an open adoption and I picked his family. I have never gotten over it.  I think about him all the time what he is like, what kind of man he his becoming.  I still feel the pain of the choice I made but I never regretted my decision. It was the right one for me at the time.  It was painful to make that decision and yes I was sad and missed him,  I cried a lot the first couple of years but I moved on with my life because I feel I made the right decision for him and for me. But you never forget. Talking to someone that you trust and that will not judge you is important. My sons name is Kevin and I hope he has a great 17th birthday.  

Answer 6

I know several people who have.

And while I wouldn't say they were depressed in a clinical sense, they were definitely sad about it, and regretted the circumstances that led them to having to make that decision. (None of them had the ability to parent at the time regardless of available support, so unfortunately relinquishment really was necessary. I won't get into why for privacy reasons, but you'll just have to trust me that it was the case.)

Time passing helped them to make their peace with it. Not be happy about it, they'll never be happy that it happened, but not to be overwhelmed by the sadness. I think they'll always have regrets and will never be without feeling about it, but time has brought healing and made the loss seem less raw. They also all eventually got counseling, which I think helped them a lot.

Answer 7

Yes, my mother, and my son's mother both gave up children , as did a couple of friends.

Yes they were/are depressed, though some had chronic depression long before their pregnancies.

You don't "get over it" you learn to live with it.

Answer 8

My Grandmother........

She is bitter about the whole thing.  The girl found her and wanted a relationship with her and she refused.  To this day she wants nothing to do with her "daughter".  Very ugly situation.

My Aunt.........

Bothered her for years but she knew she did the right thing.  She did not regret her choice but missed her child.  Reunited when the boy was an adult and they have a wonderful relationship now.  He completly understood why she made the choice she did.  

Answer 9

yes... and each one of them regretted it.

Answer 10

I know quite a few of them, but I'll focus on my first father.  According to him,  his wife of over 30 years and the rest of the family, he was depressed about it and searched for me throughout the years.  When my father and I reunited 7 years ago, he said that it finally got rid of the big hole in his heart.  According to family members, reunion has made such a positive change in him.  He is no longer feeling that hurt.

I can't say how it affected my first mother.  She died before we could ever reunite.

Answer 11

Yes.  I know some of the million and half of the "Girls Who Went Away" during the Baby Scoop Era.  A few years ago, my daughter's friend gave her baby to some horrible people (lied about open adoption to get her baby).

How did it affect them? - they feel that it is worse than if their children had died.  They grieve in private and without support or sympathy.  One described it as having been buried alive.

Were they depressed?  Yes, deeply and permanently.  They never got over it.  One of the Baby Scoop Era moms has never been able to find her son and fears she will die never seeing him again.  She was "allowed" to hold him for 5 minutes in the hospital.  My daughter's friend was in nursing school.  She dropped out and is fighting alcohol addiction.  She cries every day for her son.

Answer 12

Dear Chanice,

I asked this question, these are all First Mothers who lost a child to adoption.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

I hope it helps.

Answer 13

Yes, I do know someone. Though she regrets the circumstances , she still feels that she did the best thing for her child. She regrets having to make the decision, but doesn't regret the decision, if that makes sense. It is an open adoption and her family gets lots of pictures and updates and phone calls, with visits thrown in wherever possible. She got to spend her child's first birthday with the family that adopted her child and her child. She says seeing that family makes her realize she DID do the very best thing possible for her baby.