Do you know or have kids like this?

Question

My bf has 2 girls, 10 and 4, when they are here with us they cling to us. They want to know what each of us is doing at all times. Most of the time they are worse with me. They follow me around ALL the time! If im sweeping the floor, they have to help, loading the washer, ect ect. When I was either of their ages I was NOT like that at all. I wanted to be outside playing, riding my bike, goofing around. I know all children are different but, I have friends that have kids and I have a younger step brother and brother, this is a first that I have seen this behavior. Any ideas ?

Answer 1

well you should be flattered ...kids are extremely honest and if they didn't like you they wouldn't care what you did, take advantage of their willingness to help. if you don't want them around too much then give them a project in another room. maybe their mom doesn't have time to spend with them and they are looking for attention, the 4 year old is too young, but try talking to the 10 year old and see if you can find out any details as to why they behave that way. good luck

Answer 2

They've just been thru the trauma of their parents breaking up. They need reassurance that you won't desert them, too.

I'd be curious to know what their home life with Mom is like. bf needs to have a talk with her and see if there is any other reason for them being so insecure.

Answer 3

well all those kids know is that daddy isnt around all the time and neither are you, so clinging to you while they have you is very normal, how do they know how often they will get your company.

Answer 4

It's obvious that they are not getting the attention they need from their mother so they are looking for it from you.  Be careful not to reject their affections.  Show them that you are there for them.  You need to goof off with them, and show them that you are still there for them if they go out to play.  Try to set up some play dates with other kids so that they don't get so clingy they have problems.

Answer 5

I'm a stepmother whose stepkids are really hateful to me.  No matter what I do, I am lied to, stolen from, yelled at, and have even been kicked.  I've done everything I can for those children and I don't understand their absolute NEED to hate me.  I wish my step children were like yours.

Sounds like these girls want and need attention.  Encourage them to do things on their own, give them craft boxes and such and let them make things.  It wouldn't hurt to do it with them either.  Allow them to help you if they want.  If you give them the loving attention they want, they won't feel like they need to beg for it all the time and so it will get better.  I was like that with my stepmother.  I wanted her to love me.  When I was certain that she did, I backed off and as I got older, backing off was natural.  

Think of it this way.  By acting like that towards you, you have gotten their love and seal of approval.  It takes a bit to get use to but the rewards of seeing them grow up and being a part of their lives are great.

Answer 6

My sister in laws are 8 and 9 and at first when they didn't know me well, they would literally wrap their arms around my legs and pull on me until I actually fell onto the floor and bent my toe to the point where it felt broken. Their mother wouldn't say anything to them until AFTER she saw it was bothering me.

I think it has to do with the kids wanting to show off and the parents not correcting it.

I think they look up to you being their older brother's girlfriend. My husband is 20 and anytime he has anyone older near them, they cling and jump all over them. Someone even said something to my husband's 16 year old sister hinting that they were a huge pain in the @ss because they wouldn't leave the kid alone. My mother in law was mad and said, "IT's their house, they can do what they want."

Set some rules and if you have to, have your bf discipline them around you. It's not all fun and games. Someone can get hurt. I almost had a broken toe. It hurt like h**l and they kept doing it. Now sometimes these girls (they weigh a LOT for their age.. almost 80 lbs.) wrap their arms around my waist (I'm 120 lbs.) and pull me down to the ground and literally drag on me. So Please, NIP IT IN THE BUD! It will only get worse! Good luck.

Answer 7

Unlike those who are quick to blame the mother, I believe that they are probably used to helping out with chores. Kids LOVE to help out in the house!

What I don't understand is..........what exactly is the problem? They want to help out. They do not see you very often and they probably like you and enjoy helping you and spending time with you.

If that is the only complaint that you have about this situation, I would say you are really lucky. Many children do not even like their fathers girlfriend!

Answer 8

they want you to love them and praise them ..that equals acceptance..be nicer

Answer 9

One of the kids is 4 - this is normal.   Four year olds like to help.  Same with the 10 year old.  If they have a mom, maybe she doesn't pay much attention to them.  If they don't have a mom, hence you are the mom figure.  Be nicer to them, and stop complaining.  I hate see you as their step-mom!  "Quit talking to me" "Go away" "Don't help me in the kitchen" "Go do something" "No, I can't help you".  This is what I imagine you being like.  Here's one from me to you "GROW UP".

Addition to your comment:  EXACTLY what I thought - their mother doesn't pay attention to her children.  Hence, I repeat that you should grow up and be an adult - be the mother figure.  Again, what are you complaining about? Obviously you can't tell their mother what to do.  So why don't YOU step up?  You obviously never raised children - you don't even know what to expect from a little 4 year old.  By the way, I don't answer questions about parenting or children, unless I have them.

Answer 10

10 and 4 is a pretty big age difference, so they may have trouble finding things to do together that interest them both.  Where are the other kids for them to play with?   There should be kids in your neighborhood for them to play with.  If not, then maybe you can import some.   Let them each invite one friend over.  I'll bet that would get them out of your hair, fast.     One of our neighbors had kids like that.  They were very over-protective.

Show them real affection.   Make a point of setting aside some time, each day, to just sit down, and do something with them.  My kids and I have "snuggle time" on the couch, when we all pile up together and watch something on TV.   Maybe these two would like that.   Just give them work to do, and tell them to hurry, so you can have "snuggle time" sooner.

Answer 11

They must really like you- which is a good thing! There are lots of blended families that don't get along well.

But, the way they act makes me wonder if they're lacking attention from their father or biological mother. That may not be the case, but just a thought.

Another reason they're doing this may be that they simply like helping around the house-especially the 4 year old. My 3 1/2 year old loves helping me do things (she's especially good at folding wash cloths...lol) What I do is set aside some things I know she's able to do when I'm cleaning around the house. Then I call her and ask if she'd like to help me. Usually I get a very excited "Yes!!!!".

I say as long as they're wanting to be with you, use it to the advantage of both of you. Give both of them things to do around the house. For example- let the 4 year old help with folding laundry, let the 10 year old help set the table, clear the dishes, etc.

Give them lots of "crafty" things to do, also. Painting, play-doh, etc. to stimulate their minds and imagination.

I know you're not technically their mother, but you are a mother-figure in their eyes. I've found that as long as I give my daughter plenty of attention during the day, she's more willing to give me some space when I need it.

I hope this helps. Good luck and God bless!!!

Answer 12

Just give them lots of love, they need it....maybe sit down together as a family and complete art projects, go on pinics, go do out door fun stuff, they just want to be close to you both,.... thats all

Answer 13

It sounds like the kids need attention. Kids that get plenty of love and attention act as you described your childhood. Kids that don't become clingy and need constant attention.

Answer 14

It sounds like they have a real mother, when they are with her, who doesn't pay much attention to them.  They probably are clinging to them because you actually are paying attention to them.