Do you let your child throw fits in grocery stores?

Question

My 13 month old daughter likes to throw fits and scream and cry if she doesn't get her way. I hate having her cry in grocery stores, or whatever store we are in, so I give in to her.

What do you do when your child is throwing a fit in a store? Do you let them? Do you go outside? Give in?

Answer 1

Yes, I let my kids throw fits.  When they get like that you can't reason with them, but to give in is just teaching them that they'll get their way if they act like that.  I get dirty looks from people, but I don't really care.  I'm not going to drag a screaming kid out to the car when I have shopping to do.  

Answer 2

My daughter isnt old enough to do that yet, she is only 2 months old, but I can tell you what my parents did to us which made us NEVER to throw fits!

My parents just threaten us, if you dont be quiet we are going to take you out to the truck and make you behave, and that usually shut us up. We had no idea what was going to happen once we get into the truck, but we never wanted to know.

Once though my dad did take me to the truck (there is a lot of conversely on this) but he gave me a few hits on the butt, and I learn my lesson. (btw it isnt illegal to hit your child to make them behave, my uncle is a cop and he should know, it is illegal to make a mark or cause serious injury)  

Answer 3

I would never walk out of a store with my daughter. We are there to shop, whatever and leaving is just giving in. I would ignore her and carry on. I could care less what other parents, people think about my parenting. However, you do have to take into consideration that the grocery store is FULL of things a child wants, and there has to be a compromise somewhere. I would never bribe my child, but I would certainly take her favorite snack with me to keep her occupied.

It only takes a few tantrums that you ignore before the child will realize that behaviour is not going to get them anywhere.

I heard a story once of a mother who was tired of her sons' behaviour in stores, so when they threw their next tantrum, she gave in and bought them what they wanted, but on the way out of the store she gave the toys to two very WELL BEHAVED children who deserved them. Apparently her kids got the point.

Answer 4

As hard as it may seem and as cruel as it may seem you either need to give her a tap on her bum that will shock her and make her quiet or if you don't want to do that then just walk away and leave her there.  you will get lots of dirty looks but make sure that you go somewhere you can still see your daughter but she can't see you so that she associates her behaviour with being bad and something that you don't agree with or like and that's why you walk away.  Also when she has calmed down tell her that her behaviour was not right and that she can't always get what she wants.  the main thing is that you stay calm and not give in to her demands and don't worry what the people around you are saying or thinking - they don't have to deal with her - you do!

Answer 5

Sometimes I just let them throw a fit.  It's not a good idea to give in, it just starts a pattern for the future.  Obviously you don't want to disrupt the other shoppers, but you have to get your shopping done too...  Just try to be quick and get out of there.  

Answer 6

My mother raised five kids and learned to let us throw a fit. Then when we got home, we got a kick in the pants.

Answer 7

I havent been there yet, he's only 5 months..but I know when I was a kid we never did that, it wasnt allowed. We never even asked my dad if we could have something more than once, after he said no..that was it.

Now that Im a mother, I would like to be the same type of parent..he was always my favorite, and the meanest LOL

I think the trick is...DONT BACKDOWN! once you say something, mean it. My dad never backed down. ANd if we were crying..the famous saying..keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about..he would let us pull our fits, but we figured it out that it never got uus anywhere.

Answer 8

I have 3 daughters and only my last one did this trick with me...I would get so embarrassed.....I would just walk out, put her in her car seat, and drive around the parking lot....sometimes I would go to another store. IF this didn't work, I would go home and she would sit for awhile in her highchair or in her crib.....If it was a time when I really needed to get the shopping done NOW...then I would just let her throw her fits...its a hard stage..

Answer 9

I have done both.  I have let him have his fit in the store and ignore all the nasty stares that other shoppers send my way.  He usually calms down within a couple of minutes, and then we carry on.

I have also left the store. I've left a full cart of groceries in the middle of an aisle and walked out.  

Please, please try not to give in because she is learning that if she cries, she gets her way.  And as she gets older it will be harder and harder to change that way of thinking, and her fits will get louder and more frequent.  

Answer 10

I haven't have the experience yet, baby is only 3 months old.  But i heard this trick works wonder.  If the child throw a fit, just walk out calmly with her and go home.  or walk outside and calm her down.  Do not give in (i know, it must be easier said than done).

Answer 11

Before you take your daughter shopping explain to her how you expect her to behave and tell her what you will be purchasing explain to her clearly that you will not be letting her touch items etc.  Let her hold one of her toys from home and talk to her about what a great job she is doing.  When you get through a trip without a fit tell grand-mom and daddy and others in her presence that she doesn't throw fits and how great she behaves.  She will adjust her behavior to match your expectations and encouragement.  I wrote an article on parenting you may enjoy as well. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article...

Answer 12

your child throws fits in the store because she knows that if she does she will get what she wants. Stop giving in to her, and eventually the fits will stop. Let her know that her behavior is unacceptable, don't reward her for acting that way.  

Answer 13

My daughter is 2 1/2 ... when she throws a fit I just walk away, I stay where I can see her, of course. Or I just stand there and look at her and tell her shes not bothering me any. Or I threaten to leave her in the store. Most of the time she'll stop with the threat.

Answer 14

when my stepdaughter was younger (2-3) and would do that, I would threaten to leave and that would be enough to get her to stop. there was a few times i would have to pick her up and walk out and come back without her. which was fun when she was about 3 we had been teaching her to scream "you are not my mommy (or daddy)" if she was being kidnapped. Well she did. when I was carrying her! luckily it was at the mall (I worked there and they all knew me!)

Answer 15

Thankfully I haven't experienced that yet. I can't say I would do this considering I haven't been through it yet, but I think I would leave. Come back another time.

sorry your daughter is making shopping tough for you :)

Answer 16

Depends on the situation, I either let them throw the fit or I take them outside and firmly talk to them. But don't give in just in because kids are smart and they know by doing that all the time they will get their way. Stay Firm and Strong!

Answer 17

I'm not sure about others, but my daughter learned real quick that i was not going to give in to her little tantrums, so when we would go into the store i would make her sit in the cart.  If she started to act up as though she were uncomfortable i would carry her for a couple of minutes, but the i put her back down.  She was not allowed to throw fits at home, nor was she given her way all the time, so when it came to being in the store i never had to much of a problem.

If you keep giving in, she'll always be bad for you when you go out.  She may only be 13 mths old, but she really needs to know that mommy is BOSS, and not her.

Good luck

Answer 18

All of my kids have given me the pleasure of a good grocery store meltdown at one time or another. It happens. And I admit that the "you're a bad mom" looks that I have received sometimes makes me feel stupid, but I am generally pretty good about not giving in.

Unfortunately, I don't always have the option of simply taking a kid outside (four kids, a cart full of stuff, limited time, and the fact that I NEED to get certain items doesn't make it easy to just walk out), but I guess that I would if it ever got too bad. Usually, when dealing with a toddler, I just try to redirect. I give him my cell phone to play with, a cracker, a little book to look at, etc... Or I do a couple rounds of "Ready, Set, Go" and we run down a couple aisles (not really running; more like walking fast). Or I stop for a couple minutes and let him take and then put back a couple things on the shelf (we could be there all day doing that).

I also think it is good to come to the store as prepared as possible. Don't go during a typical nap time, don't go when a child is hungry, bring toys, bring snacks, etc.... But don't feel bad if she has a tantrum on occasion. It is a learning process. And it is developementally appropriate for that age.

EDIT: Beck, nice bitchy response.

Answer 19

My son is not at this stage yet, and I know I'll give in some times and probably wont have as much back bone as I'd like. But, when we were little my brother used to throw fits EVERYWHERE and he would scream and do what we called 'the flop'. He would let his entire body go limp so if you were holding on to him you were now dragging his entire body. My grampa took us to the grocery store one day and my brother did this with him. Grampa took my sister and I and walked away leaving him in the isle to flop around on the floor. It took about 2 minutes for my brother to realize that Grampa wasnt giving in and he gave up and came to the next isle where we were waiting. My brother was probably 3ish when this happened. Grampa told Mom and so Mom used it the next time it happened and he got the hint then too, and it never happened again!

Answer 20

i completely ignore tantrums.  if you try to placate the child or take them out, it just teaches them that throwing tantrums will get them what they want.  i just say "i can't understand you when you are acting like that.  if you want something, you will need to calm down and tell me."  then i continue doing what i was doing.  my son only very rarely throws a tantrum after the first couple times that were ignored, and it's usually because of something preventable, like being too tired or hungry.

i try to head off tantrums by not going out while my kids are tired or hungry.  i usually grab a bag or pretzels or something pretty quickly and let him snack while i shop.

btw, there is nothing that a 13 month old (or any small child) can do that warrants being hit.  you can't hit a child for doing something that is developmentally appropriate like throwing a tantrum.  a 13 month old doesn't have the logical thinking skills that link a spanking to a bad behavior in any useful way, anyway.  your response needs to be appropriate to the action in a way that teaches something.  hitting just teaches that mommy is someone to be feared instead of respected and loved.  and yes, a "tap" on the hand or bottom is hitting.  if you would punish your child for doing it to another child, don't do it yourself.  children repeat what they hear and see, so treat your child with kindness and respect.