Do you let your kids choose their punishment?

Question

I was wondering if anyone else did this. We make both of the punishments no fun at all, so it really does not matter which one they choose. My four year old has gotten in a bad habbit of unlocking the door and going outside. I gave her a choice of not going outside to play for three days or a spanking. She chose the spanking and I think the other one would of been a better punishment. Am I crazy for letting them choose sometimes? Go easy on me.

Answer 1

No, why let the kids raise themselves. I'd never give an option, punishment is as my husband and I see fit at our house.

Answer 2

If it works then carry on.However you run the risk of making them think they will always have a choice in a lesser of a worse consequence in all areas of life if you aren't careful.Figure out which punishment they like the least and use those instead of giving them choices.They may eventually trick you into giving them punishments they do not mind at all later on.

Answer 3

I guess I just don't see the purpose of letting her choose.  If you're wanting to help her learn how to make decisions, let her pick out her clothes or decide which park to go to.  But punishments should be non-negotiable.  That's how it is in the real world.  When she misbehaves at school, her teacher isn't going to ask her, "Would you like a detention, sweetie, or a 5 page essay?"  

I think YOU need to decide on the punishment, and keep it consistent.  If she knows that unlocking the door will always equal a spanking (or whatever you decide), she'll be less likely to do it.  But if she knows that she'll be offered a schmorgesbord of punishments to choose from (some of which may be more appealing than others), she may decide it's worth the gamble to go ahead and break the rules.

Answer 4

I wouldn't let her choose when my daughter misbehaves she either gets a spanking or goes to timeout I choose, not her based on what she has done. I wouldn't let her choose because she is picking the spanking because she still gets to go outside she should get both. but that's just my opinion. my daughter used to unlock the sliding door and go outside which was so unsafe because we have a in ground pool so I had to spank her. letting her choose is not really discipline it's negotiating

Answer 5

letting them choose

is like you being the kid

and the child run the house hold;;

if you keep that up i bet your

kid will be a brat

Answer 6

No I don't let them choose. I run the house not them.

Answer 7

Yes. That is a really stupid thing to do. Your letting your children get away with what they did wrong.

Answer 8

You should probably spank her, and not allow her to play outside. A spanking is the easy way out!!

Answer 9

you are not giving them any guidence for letting them choose what punishment they get. that is the job of the parent- not child!

Answer 10

I don't think I would particularly choose this route, but at least you are disciplining your child.  Most parents don't anymore.  So kudos on that one.  

Your particular parenting style is one that you have to choose.  If you think that it will work for raising your daughter into a mindful and respectful person, go for it.  

I don't see anything wrong with it, but I always did the whole 'let the punishment fit the crime' bit when I was going through the discipline deal with my godson and brother (raised them both, lousy parents, someone had to do it).  I plan on doing the same with my son, but everyone has their own parenting style.

Like I said, at least you are letting her know that what she has done isn't the way to behave and disciplining her.  Too many parents are afraid to these days.  

Go with what you feel is right.  You're the parent.

Answer 11

umm having ur kid unlock the doors and go otuside isnt a small sitiuation. She could have gotter herself killed

i would disipline her yourself and let her know whos incharge

if u do give her a choice be hard. Or say u can either not go outside for a couple days or u could do what i tell you and go outside when its ok with me! good luck

Answer 12

it is the parents job to decide on the best punishment, or else the child would just let these punishments slide and just continue a problem

Answer 13

Letting them choose is great when they are older and respect you as the authority! (My mom did this with me, without a choice, and she said all the things I chose she never would have considered) For now, you need to set up all the standards at this age. I give my daughter choices when she's about to be bad, like tell her would she like to do this and then get these consequences or would she rather go elsewhere and read a book with Momma which would mean no yelling or none of the consequences I mentioned earlier.

Children of this age do like trying to be in control of their lives, but punishments are not their decision until you have set the standards!!

Answer 14

It is a different approach to parenting but I think that it would work better if the child is over the age of 10. You need to be in control of the situation with children under 10. Once they get to a point where they know right from wrong and are choosing it to have fun or try to get away with something, you can give them the choice of punishments that fit the "crime" saying if you don't want to do the time, don't do the crime. They will probably think before they act.

I would stop until they get older and punish them with what you think fits for their age group.