> > 1) I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with
> > 'Guess'
> > on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'
> >
> > 2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new
> > bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that
> > way, so I stole
> > one and asked him to forgive me.
> >
> > 3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I
> > can't
> > get my wife to go swimming.
> >
> > 4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my
> > step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.
> >
> > 5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at
> > any
> > time'. So I ordered French Toast during the
> > Renaissance.
> >
> > 6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the
> > Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout
> > for 16
> > hardened criminals.
> >
> > 7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of
> > different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and
> > said 'Sticks and
> > stones may break my bones
> > but names will never hurt me', and it worked!
> > >From
> > there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
> >
> > 8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with
> > fire',
> > which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire
> > brigade.
> >
> > 9) S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a
> > good
> > partner, you better have a good hand.
> >
> > 10) I saw six men kicking and punching the
> > mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to
> > help?' I said 'No,
> > six should be enough.'
> >
> > 11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why
> > are
> > they made out of meat?
> >
> > 12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get
> > all nervous and give the wrong answers.
> >
> > 13) You know that look women get when they want s*x? No,
> > me neither
> >
> > 14) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they
> > stay away from things they don't understand, such as
> > working for a
> > living.
> >
> > 15) I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
> >
> > 16) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the
> > same
> > time. I think I've forgotten this before
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