Do you like his story?

Question

I was bored and made a story its pure fiction.. Ive never tried LSD i just did a re seacrh on the drug and came up with this short story which Im thinking of submitting to an online short story contest. Waht do you think?

Some stories are better left untold. The content of such stories are forbidden and fragile. There are dreams that sear your soul and leave the wounds fresh, a scar that will always remind you that the dream was real. I've a fear of slumber for when I shut my eyes I'm in world that I pray you never see. It all began two years ago when I made a deal with God, I pleaded with him to swap my life with someone with great power. I couldn't tolerate living my life in filth I sought money,beauty,s*x,power and if God granted me this wish I would repay him with pure virtue (a promise i didn't intend to keep). Almost instantly my life transformed, a light shone on the dark side of me. I felt power. I saw a new life ahead with only flashbacks of my past I was ready to move on and shed my skin. It didn't feel new to me but all i knew was that i loved how i lived. Greed, Lust, Pride, Wrath controlled my life. I tasted what made me delirious and didn't want to let it go. Money can buy happiness and friends and LSD. At 18 I was on top of the world unaware that the tiny drop of lysergic acid diethylamide will change my life and today almost 3 years have passed and my dreams remain vivid and haunting. When i close my eyes i see the fire of h**l, creatures distorted, blood, floods things that I fear the most. Memories from my past that I could never recall before, men I trusted manipulating me into doing horrible unimaginable things, that is where I lost my innocence and my sanity.Two years ago when I made my deal with God I didn't wait for him to grant it to me instead I did what I wanted to do. That feeling of delirium i enjoyed has made me a lunatic. At this point in my life all i want is to have sweet dreams.

Answer 1

You have an aptitude for story telling, so keep going. Please be more clear about the points. The detailed descriptions of dreams and all is fine, but the storyline simply needs to be sorted out, with a beginning, a course and end, so that the story works its way into the readers mind.

(if not a dead end, a note on hope about future, for example the person continues to be a lunatic is not very appealing is it - is it intended to be a tragedy? or is it simply that someone ruining their life by taking some drug?)  

Answer 2

That was pretty cool!! It reminded me of the Ghost Rider for some reason... It seems like it would be a really cool book! If writing that book makes you happy, then do it! Keep writing, don't let anyone stop you. -Max

Answer 3

Its good but you can improve it I'm also writing a story called VII-M And another called "The Cafes".You should read more books and improve your vocablary.don't think I'm disgracing you,I'm just trying to inspire you.Add more jokes in your story.  

Answer 4

Well, i can tell you its very well written and graphic.......

It may not be very pleasant to read but you have captured what you need to convey and i think its great,

Go for it and submit it.....

Answer 5

who wrote that story ????

how some one can write such a boring story!!!!!

at the begining i felt sleepy .....

Answer 6

really boring you can try it

Answer 7

why not dear!!!!!!!'..........my thinking that you think deeply in any thing so that's real.be happy........

Answer 8

but how does the story come to an end...there is a price u got 2 pay for evry thing....be it power

sweet dreams isnt the way to end this story......

there lies a lesson in evry story .......

so what lesson lies in ur story........it depends on how u end it.....rit

so end it