Do you like it? Read!!!!?

Question

hmm.. ok so this is a poem i wrote. I would like your input/advice. Thank you.

Everytime I reach for your hand,

you flinch in fear.

Why do you shy away from me?

I'm not hurting you.

You torture me when you deny my help.

The bruise on your wrist is proof enough.

I understand you've been wounded.

I recognize your a social outcast.

Secluding yourself from the world.

Misunderstood

Isolated

So you thought,

I'm here to lend you a helping hand

My advice i offer to you

Allow me to listen to your complications

Don't forbid yourself from being human

Develop forgiveness

Release your rage

Amplify your feelings

Recharge your existence.

Thank you for reading this. I want to make it better.

Answer 1

it was awesoome.

i loved it. you are a real poet.

and btw, thanks for your advice on my poetry. :)

"The words; he shall never told"

im trying to be better. adn i apprediate your help. whenever you need an opinion. just call!

Answer 2

this is pretty good.

i would say to work on the rhyme scheme a little bit.

i like the imagery.

and, if you can, try to work in a repition or two. it makes poetry so much more delectible.

Answer 3

try to make some of the line endings to rhyme with each other or by each paragraph. all poems doesn't really have to rhyme but it usually reads better.

Try to end lines with a comma. you are using periods as line endings too much.

this is just my advice..

but still it's a great poem. keep it up and make some more.

enjoy it. =)

Answer 4

I like this poem it seems to be very sincere and feels like it was written with emotion. Not all poems have to rhyme (though 99% of mine do) but they do have to be fluid, I think this is the only thing with this poem; fluidity.

I love it, though I think a little re-structuring would not go a miss, you don't need to add or delete, it is all good, just rearrange the structure to make the poem more fluid

you get a star from me, good job!

Answer 5

i like it. it's cool!!! great job. you're a REAL poet! THAT could win a prize. keep up the awesome work!!!

also, if u wanna write a song, just add a chorus, maybe a bridge, and BAM, you have a good song. but a poem works, too!

Answer 6

i like it , keep it up.

Answer 7

yeah its uber great!!!!

=]

Answer 8

I really liked it.

It got me thinkning.

I agree with someone who said the punctuation is a little choppy.

But I think that it kind of helps the whole tone of this poem.

And by the way, thanks for your answer on my poem. I appreciate it!

Hope I helped!

Answer 9

i do like it . some very intuitive phrases in there that smack home......go without punctuation, and experiment with breaking up your lines ....what is now a sentence , try breaking in to two...will put a whole new spin on the way it reads.  good work here.

Answer 10

This is very good. Well spoken and sincere. TD

Answer 11

ok i think this is a really good poem and i think you have really good vocab and it reads smoothly. I really like the concept. I dont really know how to critise since i am only 13 but i do love writing poems! i think you are really good and really talented! please answer mine!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 12

pretty goood!!!

how about minee?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=2...

Answer 13

It's perfect♥

Good job!

Answer 14

Its too choppy, and it would flow better with different punctuation. I don't like the format. all the stanzas should match, or there should be some sort of pattern. The words you use also make it choppy, like 'recognize' is strange sounding, maybe use something better soudning. Just my opinion.