The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
"Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at
the Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland .. I am ringing to inform you that we
are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!"
"Well, Paddy," Sarkozy replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me
Cousin Sean , me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from
the pub. That makes eleven!"
Sarkozy paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army
waiting to move on my command."
"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still
on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Sarkozy asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Sarkozy sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and
5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000
since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still
on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie
McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"
Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military
bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and
Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy
calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to
inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Sarkozy. "Why the sudden change of
heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and
packets of crisps, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed
200,000 prisoners ."
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