Do you like my boring rhymes?

Question

feeling above the weather

knowing im enlightened

the truth i know is bold

will leave any mortal frightened

who cares about human life?

dirty, decayed, your wrong im right

it gets boring re-writing history

spare me the details its much too gory

whatever's clever, pull the lever

wipe the opposer or we die together

we win the wars so dont get bored

or doubt our path while sharpening your sword

"there is nothing wrong" the line reads on

"with bloody dusk or a smoke-screen dawn"

so cheer your side on our people will ride on

promised salvation so long as we keep the fight on

gun powder in the coughs

communication cut off

because we dont talk to killers

heres their flag to wipe their blood off

your face

YEA BOYYYYYYyyyyyy!!! i dunno, i was bored one night and just started free-writing and this is what came out so i figured i'd share it wit YA'LL... so watcha think?

Answer 1

no its not boring i think

Answer 2

I like it. The rhyme scheme may be different but isn't that how poetic geniuses are made? By breaking the mold?

Answer 3

well... if you actually had a certian subject and maintained it, it would be good, butit's kind of all over the place and does'nt really make that much sense. It's alright.. but you do have potential if you stayed focused.. :/

Answer 4

Er... interesting?

Don't quit your day job

Answer 5

The rhyme keeps falling out in some places. If you do a rhyme it should be consistent.

there is nothing wrong" the line reads on

"with bloody dusk or a smoke-screen dawn"

so cheer your side on our people will ride on

promised salvation so long as we keep the fight on

On and On as a rhyme is a little redundant

It isnt bad, I would clean it up a bit