Do you like my poem? It's about writing poems :-)?

Question

I'd like to write a poem

Something moving, something wise

I'd like my words to linger on

Long after my demise

I'd like to write of daffodils

And lonely, wand'ring clouds

Of sailing ships and sealing wax

Of marriages and shrouds

But all the while I sit here

It's not my voice that I hear

It's the golden tones of poets past

That whisper in my ear

Have all the noblest words been writ?

Has it all been said before?

Will there ever be a place for me

Upon that swollen shore?

If I close my eyes and listen

For a voice that's fresh and clear

Will there ever be the slightest chance

It's my voice that I hear?

Answer 1

Your voice has been heard. All good poets compare themselves to the Master poets. You show a great deal of talent in this poem.

Answer 2

Excellent. Better than the majority of "poetry" I stumble across on this site - in my opinion of course ;)

In particular, your rhyming feels very natural and convincing, and the final line of three or four of your five stanzas are very effective.

Two things to constructively criticize: the line 'It's not my voice that I hear' strains the metre for me - removing 'thats' will straighten this out; and, as someone else picked up on too, the phrase "swollen shore" feels a bit meaningless. Where has this shore come from? What shore?! Do dead poets hang about on a beach? What could this possibly mean? -- It feels a bit romanticised for romanticising's sake.

Good work though. I can tell that you know what you're doing.

Answer 3

  You had my attention, throughout...Thanks for sharing.

Answer 4

i like u r poem.its nice.

Answer 5

I think it's great. If you want constructive criticism, I'd recommend changing swollen shore to something else because it was a little unclear to me what that meant. (But maybe that's just me :) I think it's a great example of Ars Poetica. Hope I helped! :)

Answer 6

Writing poetry:

I write poetry myself

It maybe about memories

or in memory of someone

it could be one thing or several

I have done a number of poms

like the river, seasons.

What is involved.

One I did a lot on was friends

love, these are beautiful

along with nature.

Sitting somewhere where its quiet

and start writing.

-

Your poem is like mine

at least something in common.

Answer 7

lovely poem......just a suggestion if i may to give the last line a better balance....its my voice that i will hear.......then again ..what do i know..I'm just a old f**t....seamanab x

Answer 8

You should use quotation marks around the "cabbages and kings" line. The rest is pretty good. Your rhyming is not too hard, sometimes very sweet. You have poetic talent.

Answer 9

you write like thunder

you write with pride

like seeing your words

on this pencil ride

Answer 10

top marks

well done

:]