Do you like my poem? (It's fictional)

Question

Hey this is my poem, and I hope you can help me make it better. It's not real i want a better ending. One that leaves you wondering and sad and touched. Does this make you feel... i don't know what does it make you feel? help me end it or add more or delete and i will try to give you best answer

We all gathered around the kitchen table thinking that all was fine

Nothing would ever harm us

Nothing would ever hurt

But deep inside our souls we knew

Something would always happen

Someone has to leave

So the first person got up and left the table to go upstairs

We sat in silence with tears running down our red cheeks.

The next person got up and left and said "I'll be back in spirit"

We all covered our mouths and cried some more

the next person said "I'll be right back" and just left

Leaving two people there me and the other tears welling up in our eyes.

The other person said "I'm just going to the bathroom don't be scared"

None of them came back.

Leaving me alone at the table with only my tears to accompany me

Lonely staring at the table where everyone used to be. It used to be full of people and adventure

But now it's only me...

Answer 1

Ok.  

This is a poem about Death (growing older and loosing friends and family, one day you wake up 75-80 years old alone and the last one of your good time friends).  That is poetic.  

This poem could also be about a Phscitso who is slowly becoming a healthy person, dropping his alternate personalities.  

Personally I think there is more impact in the first scenario.  

So with that in mind.  I can not tell you how to finish it, but approach it from that stand point.  Write from the view point of the 70 year old man who's friends have abandoned him in death and is face to face with his own mortality.  Maybe in the end he forces himself up the stairs proudly (Suicide) or maybe he just goes naturally, with dignity not afraid of death.

It is good.  It can stand as it is, although I too feel it is not quite finished.

Answer 2

sounds interesting...

i don't know how i could help improving it...

i like it the way it is.

Answer 3

yeahh =]

i wish i can make poems.

haha im pothetic