Do you like my poem about....FAINTING

Question

"Fainting"

Listening, She is starting to scare,

I feel dizzy, too much to bare,

Everyone staring at me, confused,

My head was spinning, nothing bruised,

No words forming, as I try to talk,

Falling, dropping, I can’t walk,

Sitting still, trying hard to think,

The helpful lady, handed me a drink,

Looked into my eyes, she told me to stay,

Did not matter, couldn’t move anyway,

Was getting late, trying to stand,

My teacher helped, lending a hand.

Any comments appreciated - keep in mind i'm 15.

Thankyou in advance.

Answer 1

This is the best poem that I've read all day. My only suggesting is to keep continuing on with this piece " My teacher helped. lending a hand" doesn't really sound like an amazing ending. Keep up the good work!!!  

Answer 2

nice thats good keep it up =]

Answer 3

nice work!

Answer 4

Well written and evocative...left me wondering if something else was going to happen at the end other than returning back to reality.  You need to spell "bare" as "bear".

Answer 5

Very well done!  I've found when I have been on the edge of fainting that everything seems to be bright white, and I careen into things rather than walk.

Good poem.

T.

Answer 6

haha great for a school assignment or something bu why the h**l would you write a poem about fainting? Well described by the way it sounds like the experience I have also had. You would have a great future in petry good luck

Answer 7

nice!

seems like a personal experience!

Answer 8

I lreally ike your poem.  It doesn't feel finished yet though.  It's a real nice free verse; has a great flow so that it's easy to read.  The subject matter is interesting and goes somewhere and holds the reader's attention.  Just keep going with these thoughts and perhaps tell the reader what the fainting was all about in a couple more lines.