Do you like my poem? critiques?

Question

Him, the one who i see and speak to

the one that I like and will never have

the one I wish was my age, but isn't

the one who is always in my thoughts

He is the one who drives me crazy

He is the one and only one

He is my one true protection

He is MY Forbidden Love

Answer 1

You got work to do but it will fly.

Answer 2

It has a ways to go--It feels very young--in age of person and writing-

I could guess that perhaps he is 18 and you are 13

Who knows

Answer 3

This is more a riddle than a poem, because it causes the reader to wonder about the identity of Him.  Someone clearly in a position of authority, because he is your "one true protection".  There is also an age difference, although the exact discrepancy is not disclosed.  And he is a Forbidden love.  I would have to guess father or stepfather; brother or stepbrother or a teacher.  Or Jesus...

Answer 4

i like it. 'he' is mentioned a lot, but in the end, it is about him.. so thats expected! you should keep working on it, tweak it til you absolutely love it. and keep writing! i like this a lot, good job!

please help me with mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 5

Yes I like it very much....keep on writing you will become better with time..Have a nice weekend..

Answer 6

it's not so much a poem as it is a list of really trivial problems.