Question:

Do you like my poem? how can i improve it?its a love poem?

by  |  earlier

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Heart Burn

The curdling and piercing flame within

Flickering in shades of scarlet and orange

Gnaws at the edges of a beating organ

Contorting every pulse and taunting it into shame

A pair of eyes fuels and electrifies the fire within

Causing a rush of light headed energy to surge through the bodice

Labour no longer has meaning and pain almost non existent

Eternal happiness appears to be in reach

Yet something causes the blaze to sear with rage

Scorching and singeing at the now pleading heart

Each pulse now a shiver or tremble

Self control seems to have gone by this stage

With a painted smile, and a forced air of enthusiasm

She wills the days to go by

But those hypnotic eyes and the owner’s unquestionable beauty

Make her question her mental state and continue to deny

A turmoil of happiness, highs and sudden defeat

Is overwhelming and hard to beat

His voice a lullaby, spoken in dulcet and silvery tones

A fine tune, weaving and trickling softly through her bones

This is a war and her weapons are useless

Alarm bells blaze in both ears

But she adopts a dazed trance

Her heart still entangled in chains, a prisoner, until she decides to confess

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6 ANSWERS


  1. I luv it ~! <3333333333d

    Gezz..I wish i could make poems like chu!~ =D :D =) ~.~ ^-^ <(^_^)>


  2. Sometimes a rennie won't do you got us right here in the ole love acher. This is serious.ly good

  3. I like it.  Rich assortment of words, captures the interest.  Good work.

  4. Very strong, powerful.

  5. its 1derful!!!!!

    very well written

    keep writting!!!!!

  6. "Hi!",

    WOW that is an outstanding piece of poetry, full of imagery and strong detail. you do feel this way when going through depression. and I guess if your the course of your own deception. It was really creative and it flowed quite nicely all the way. Intriguing I have to say.

    WELL DONE!

    Cheers : )

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