Do you like my poem i wrote?

Question

Sun beads down on my tan skin

the ocean's scent in the air

the sound of the waves play like music

my eyes are filled with tears

my heart feels like it has stopped

because

you

aren't

here

any

more

Answer 1

Unforgetable

Answer 2

read mine then i will also answer urs anyway ur tops

Answer 3

I like it. It's kinda sweet. Maybe play with "because you aren't here anymore." It's really sweet but it doesn't seem to flow as well as everything else does.

All the other parts fit, and sound wonderful when you say tham all together, it's almost like the ending doesn't quite fit. You're on the right track though. I really liked it.

The guy that answered your question before me knows what he's talking about.

Answer 4

i like it alott

Answer 5

its....okay....

Answer 6

not really

Answer 7

its ok

Answer 8

i love this poem! you need to write me one to send to my bf:-)

Answer 9

i love it. i really like how you break up those last words into seperate lines, it really dilevers the pain and heart break you are feeling. only thing i would change is change aren't to are not, it just flows better. good luck and keep up the good work.

Answer 10

A few suggestions. Don't try to make it look like art on the page, let your words be the art. In other words, keep the words and thought on the same line.

Secondly, don't stop. Add a few more verses. It's very fluid. Now add some substance. Tell a story.

Good beginning.