Do you like the beginning of this story? I need feedback!!!?

Question

I felt the fluttering of warm air as the door man opened the big lustrous doors. I stepped inside of the old building and immediately the smell of clean floors and hundreds of perfumes and colognes wrapped me in their arms. The walls of the building were made of blue marble with golden flecks lying within. From the ceilings hung seven crystal chandeliers that glittered and sparkled like stars in the murky heavens. I walked forward and searched the cluttered lobby. I spotted him. He was leaning against a white pillar. Waiting. For me. My heart cartwheeled. I approached him and froze. I just gazed at him. His eyes were as deep and velvety as the endless night sky. I wanted to swim in those eyes, and be immersed in the deep blue. I wanted to be cloaked and enshrouded. The intensity dripped like ice making me shiver. I shifted my gaze and focused them on his creamy golden tresses. They shimmered like frozen icicles in the glow of the lobby. His crisp inky back suit revealed every curve a

Answer 1

what is it about where is the setting?

Answer 2

I love it!!!

Answer 3

It's well written, but doesn't sound like the kind of story I would want to read.  Is it a romance novel, that's the vibe I'm getting.  If that's the goal, then it's a good start!

Answer 4

hm,,honestly I liked it=].

it was detailed, and I

like detail. I feel like im

there.

Answer 5

Thats acually a pretty good story, and its detailed. I acually felt what this girl was feeling and whatshe was seeing as she steppedinto this lobby and saw this man. I loved it and honestly i want to read more!!!! If you do finish it than you HAVE to let me read it!!!! my emails [e-mail], you so do not know how good you story was so far. There were lots of detail too.

Answer 6

Wow!! THAT WAS AWESOME no lie! I felt like i was there witnessing what was happening. If you keep continuing the story that way i believe it could take you somewhere! :)

Answer 7

i can tell you were trying to make it wordy instead of making it flow with character. take out

"walls of the buildings" and just say building walls

you use doors many times and you use the same sentence structure throughout the story . it makes it boring.

what does "stars in the murky heavens" mean????

dripped like melting ice

can tresses be creamy? think about it... you mean cream-colored

overuse of icicles

i would throw this out and start over