Do you like this 1st draft of my anxiety poem?

Question

no name yet.... ?

My anxiety’s on a rise again.

Tears rolling down my cheek again.

Anxiety & depression labeled.

Watch out hear she goes again.

Anxiety`s on a rise.

Get a prescription why?

I don`t want to be an addict.

Addict`s destroy lives.

So when my anxiety is on red alert.

I’ll just have to handle it.

Writing poetry helps me deal with it.

But here I am again, alone at home.

Such a pretty mind and such a pretty face, but afraid to face the world again.

When my anxiety & depression is on a rise.

There`s no telling what I`ll do.

Thanks the Lord he`s on my side.

Other wise I probably would have to bust a cap in someone`s side, or up inside their brain.

I don`t think I am insane but these thoughts and lyrics make me wonder.

Will I come off on top of this illness, I wonder.

Or will I let it take me under.

No I can`t let it take me under.

I strive to hard.

I live to hard.

I fight too hard for my soul to be at peace.

I want to live at peace but this world and the people in it.

Don`t know peace and don`t care to live it.

I`ll just be patient until the light within me.

This soul.

is removed by the angel of death.

I will not bring this body to rot.

I will not let you bring my soul or my body to rot.

When my time comes to lay, to rest.

That is, when the time comes for this soul to lay and rest.

Then is where I will be free from domestic violence, sins, and this turned evil world.

Yes!

Oh Allah when you take my soul and let me rest.

I`ll be hear since there`s no where to hide.

We can`t escape it!

We can`t hide from it!

Will your soul be punished or will it lay to rest!

By ME

7/19/2008

P.S.I`ll sing my own song and I`ll cry my own line.

Stealing poetry is not my style.

Steal mine and it will be the end of your lifeline.

Answer 1

"Hi!,

That was really expressed well. be proud girl.

with Neonman and TD still on, depression will sure subside for a while. I have already had my good dose of cackle.   : )

WELL DONE!

Cheers: )

Answer 2

Well, very unique poem, despite the fact of its very interesting organization and crazy rhythm . Yet, if you don't mind, i do have some suggestions about you're poetry. Poetry, is a very delicate subject to talk about. Some people may consider this a piece of c**p, while some declare it as a masterpiece. As for me, i don't acknowledge any poem as c**p or praise it as if it were a masterpiece. Yet it all depends on taste. I like poetry with a sense of organization. Not to much, because then it will be to robotic sounding.  Also, vocabulary is not a very useful tool in poetry. it all depends on experience. A poet with good vocabulary will not be able to describe hunger than that of a starving children in another country. it all depends on the feeling and you're ability to express those feelings creatively. A poem is a poem not because people say it is, or because they find meaning in it. A poem is a self expression on the ideas that the poet feels. And as long as you find meaning in it, you have a poem!

Answer 3

You sung well and congratulations for your first posting.  This to me would lend itself to voice poetry set with music as your earlier link did.  As a poem, I would suggest you work on condensing or splitting into 2 to 3 poems.  An example with your first few lines of a different way of stating:

Anxiety is here again

my cheeks, wet, tears flow

quick to label are those who view.

Watch out! Here she goes again...

Give her pills, medicate her will

But they hear me not

Thanks for posting, I hope my suggestions give you something to think about.  You have skill and passion, work at bringing clarity, often by paring to essential message.  My compliments.

Answer 4

We hear you and we are listening. You are not alone.

5 minutes? wow! That is amazing and so strong and brave and full of you.

Keep writing. Keep watching other forms. Settle on one that suits you. Practice and share. Writing is good therapy. It stops me from going over the edge. Neonman is wise in what he says. (and it's not a one-off)

Maybe start with short poems and build up. If you state the problem always try to also state a positive option for solution to balance the negative. Bless you in your developing journey as a writer.

Name? "Alert and aware, but not alarmed"

Answer 5

It reads like someone of an anxious mind which only someone who has been through it would understand. I like how it is disjointed-feels a little broken. I would break up some of the longer sentences though

It needs work here and there but I enjoyed it--Its different

Answer 6

its very open and speaks of what we all hide inside our caotic heads...

I also have a name for it:  unappealing reality...