Do you like this poem about death?

Question

our teacher asked us to wright a poem about heaven and since i don't believe in that i did something different

Your body is dead,

did your soul move on?

up to the sky,

thats just where you've gone,

no not that high!

not where you thought,

somewhere between

you must've been caught.

look at you now!

how you twinkle and shine,

waving and winking,

at all who pay mind!

cheesy and the last line doesn't reeaally rhyme. but what did you think?

Answer 1

Would sound better if you could::

>Change 'sky' to 'distant stars' or 'furthest reaches of the cosmos'

>Rewrite last line more simply and clearly

Poem is okay if you are a first-timer.   :-))

Answer 2

I'm sure your teacher will love it...*nervous smile*