Do you like this song i wrote?

Question

"burdens"new lyrics leave comment,needs music

i feel your pain my darling

like stones covering you over

just remove them one by one

you'll find your four leaf clover

sometimes its hard to breath for you

i see it deep down in your eyes

just look up to the heavens

thats where you'll find your prize

chorus

your burdens overwhelm you

but its time for you to be free

the lord is watching over you

like he watches over me

take my hand and walk with me

we'll do this together please

your pain will fall away

like the tide upon the sea

we will hold on to the present

leave the past behind

love will come and save you

you'll no longer feel so blind

chorus here

bridge

i'm here for all time

to help you find your way

the lord above will show you

a bright new shining day

oh yes im here for all time

to help the burdens go away

written by amymarie collins all rights reserved 2008

Answer 1

I like it but I also see where you might want to consider some changes. This is JMHO, so please don't be offended. Of course I'm always going to want to see Jehovah's name in such a pretty song like this.   Four leaf clovers ring too much of "luck" to me.  I can't really help you out with the music though. I'm not creative when it comes to that.   Here goes...

I feel your pain my darling

like stones covering you over

just remove them one by one

"you'll find your four leaf clover"  > {And relax in a field of clover}

"sometimes its hard to breath for you"  > {For I know it's sometimes hard for you to breathe}

i see it deep down in your eyes

*Add*  {Let your burdens flow away with the warm, gentle breeze}

And look up to the heavens where you'll find your prize.

(CHORUS)

your burdens overwhelm you

but its time for you to be free

"the lord is watching over you"  > {Our Heavenly Father Jehovah, is watching over you, like he watches over me.}

take my hand and walk with me

we'll do this together please

your pain will fall away

like the tide upon the sea

we will hold on to the present

And leave the past behind

love will come and save you

you'll no longer feel so blind

(CHORUS)

(Bridge)

"I'm here for all time"  >  HE'S here for us for all time

"to help you find your way"  >  To help us find our way

"the lord above will show you"  >  Jehovah above will show you

a bright new shining day

"oh yes i'm here for all time"  >  Oh yes HE'S here, for all indefinite time

"to help the burdens go away"  > To take our burdens away.

Agape

Answer 2

i like it....its nice!

Answer 3

good!

Answer 4

I like it alot!!!!! My favorite part is:

i'm here for all time

to help you find your way

the lord above will show you

a bright new shining day

Good Luck! ♥