Do you like to remember things?

Question

Today i heard the chickens clucking

so i threw them some grain.

then i heard all my dogs barking

so i petted them

and found some biscuits.

a honkity and a honk

said Wally

my favorite goose,

couldnt find a grasshopper

so i just watched him swim around.

mmm

but what about this strawberry

it's not speaking up so loud.

its sure red and glowing,

so i kissed it like your lips

and then heard

your sweet missing voice.

Answer 1

This reminds me of a poem called The Red Wheelbarrow, by William Carlos Williams.

Its a very simplistic poem, much like yours, but the words evoke imagery.

It does sound a little like random observations and childlike, but it feels like that goes well with this poem, like its SUPPOSED to be simple. If you know what Im talking about. It all goes with the rhythm of the poem.

I really like the last stanza x)

Answer 2

Here is my version of your offering, since everyone else is submitting!  The concept is sound, attention to meter would improve the flow.

The chickens were clucking,

I threw them some grain.

And then dogs were barking

so some petting

and a biscuit or two quieted them.

Even Wally, my favorite goose,

was honking for

the grasshopper meal

that just flew away.

But this strawberry,

ripened plumpish red

sang out without a sound.

So as I kissed its soft skin,

I heard your sweet

missing voice my love,

and I was glad.

Answer 3

hmm....  this is just random observations, it has no order or sequence... it sounds like you are primary school pupil observing a day at the farm... not too keen on this at all, sorry.

Answer 4

Roger and Diamond Girl are very rude, Farmer. Do not let rudeness keep you from the freedom of creative writing. Your piece is very creative, but you lack some of the pattern. timing or couplet signatures it takes to be poetry. I will agree with them on one point, it wasn't captivating enough to intrigue our imaginations. May I lend a (ranch) hand? Try this...

DOWN ON THE FARM

A rooster woke me up

And started me on my day,

We grabbed some shiny buckets

And started milking away

The chicken started clucking

So I threw them some grain,

The life of a proud farmer

Is a life so mundane.

Our last name is McDonald

And we're down on the farm,

We're full of cow class

And we're full of pig charm

Our three dogs won't stop barking

Til the sheep's in the pen,

My dad's on the tractor

I'm on the bailer again

We gotta hit the henhouse

To get dozen of eggs,

We've been at work since 5 this morning

I can barely stand on two legs

Our last name is McDonald

And we're down on the farm,

We're full of cow class

And we're full of pig charm

Wally is my favorite goose

All he does is honk loud,

The life of a farmer

We holds our heads proud

I'll go blackbery pickin'

At my old stompin' ground,

The water is clear

You can see the fish swimmin' 'round

Our last name is McDonald

And we're down on the farm,

We're full of cow class

And we're full of pig charm

Thank you for sharing.

Answer 5

It has promise and it has merit.  I like the overall idea of it.

Answer 6

I prefer to forget.

Answer 7

The word "random" is too often misused on this site.

Answer 8

I enjoyed the build up and surprise ending.  The last line is the clincher.  Well done.