Do you mind judging this poem?

Question

I am a poet and I just created a poem last night. I need your comment on it. If you think that there needs to be a couple of modifications then feel free to tell me. So here is the poem:

The Path to Harmony

by Quentin Grzyb

The path to harmony lies upon forgiveness

Forgiveness releases us from our negative aura

We become one with Mother Nature and everything around us

We separate ourselves from the materialistic world and live in peace

When the world is in chaos, we do not intervene but help the innocent

Much like a tadpole on a lily pad, we remain calm and full of wisdom

We welcome everybody with open arms no matter how big or small

It is our love and honor for others that help create this harmony.

Answer 1

Thats really good! Are you going to get it published or something? I love the message aswell. It is deep and meaning full. Really great stuff. :)

Answer 2

If I wrote a poem like that my teachers would be so proud.....*sigh*

Great job :D

Answer 3

The imagery is vague and, for a poem that is about harmony, it is not very varied in its sounds. The message is kinda preachy and does not attempt to identify and solve a HUMAN problem, in HUMAN terms.

Answer 4

thatsssss aweeesomeeee!

NO CHANGESSS!

that was THE besttT!

Answer 5

It is nice. It is really good if you did this last night (or any night at all). Your poem makes one think deeper about forgiveness and the path that we should all be to become better people. My only critic (if it is one) is the last line:   Ask yourself should it be more powerful b/c it is the last message your readers will read or prob remember. Also I noticed around the fouth line, you add little words like "from" and "the" while your first two lines are based on your main points that you want to express to readers. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 6

nice thoughts, but somethings can't be forgiven,

Answer 7

I didn't like it.  It seemed... disjointed and stiff.