Do you need to get married??

Question

I am in a marriage like relationship where we own our own home, have been together for over 5 years and all our financial stuff is combined, we are basically a married couple who haven't walked down the isle and signed the forms! Marriage isn't important to us and we want to have children and live our life as unmarried-or get married down the track just for the sake of it. But i feel pressure to get married as I'm worried about being discriminated about! What is your opinion about the importance of marriage? Does it really matter if you don't get married?

Answer 1

no you don't have to get married.... but trust me when the party's over, you will wish you had been married!!!  the courts will absolutely not help you out financially in any way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

Answer 2

allot depends on your morals and religious beliefs

Answer 3

You must live in the south. It doesn't matter. Most marriages are doomed to fail anyway. As long as you continue to love each other, that's all that matters. It's not like marriage in this country is such a holy commitment these days, with the amount of cheating and divorce that goes on.

Answer 4

Marriage is the ultimate commitment. However, if you do not wish to marry, it is certainly your prerogative. There are plenty of people around like you that choose to set up house, have a family, etc that never marry.  If you are okay with it, don't marry.  No one is going to "discriminate" against you necessarily and if they did, why would you care?

Answer 5

It is important for a couple of reasons.  You can add each other to your insurance at work and save money in the long run.  Also, if your finances are combined, it would be easier to separate if something were to happen.  

Answer 6

Marriage is a just a legal certificate that gives you tax deductions.  If it really isn't important to you and your partner don't worry about other people, even those who may make a big deal of it will get over the whole thing eventually..... people can only rag on you about something so petty for so long.

Answer 7

It only matters to you if you want to get married and what you believe. I stress the word YOU, because you can't make anyone but yourself happy.

Me personally, if I want to be in prison I'd commit a crime.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Answer 8

Well for legal reasons: If one of you would get hurt the other wouldn't have the 1st say so,taxes,and benficary stuff

Other:When you have kids whose last name will they have, and it will be strange for your kids to have a differnet last name than you

If yall Love each other do it for that reason. If you don't want a big thing just go to a justice of the peace and have an after party.

It'll give you a reason to be the center of attention for awhile and everyone needs that :)

Answer 9

There are no guarantees that your relationship won't take a turn for the worst after having children.  There is a lot more stress.  Life changes dramatically.  Your child may be born with disabilities which makes it even harder.

Marry him before you have children!  Once you have children, as a woman, you NEED the emotional security of being a married family. Just trust me on this one.  It's not a big deal to get married now but it will be a huge deal when you've given up your chance and he doesn't really feel like being married.  It will feel like he is keeping his options open.  He'll have already have gotten everything for free and won't feel the need to marry.  Make him marry you before you give up your chance.

Answer 10

No, you don't need to get married. If you're good with how things are then just live your life the way you want. Don't change just because other people can be azzholes. If other people discriminate it's probably because they're jealous :)

Answer 11

there's no need to worry about being discriminated, i mean, people worry about getting married everywhere.

Answer 12

my parents never register married, they only had a traditional chinese wedding, i got 4 siblings, we got a normal family life like everybody else.

Answer 13

"If it Feels Good Do It" ~ Was my motto for years, I only got married because the mother of my kids to be..........Would not "SHACK-UP!!"

If you plan to have kids, other kids can be "VERY CRUEL" one thing you may want to take a good hard look at. Especially in a small town or community. Think about the KIDS to be, if any 1st PLEASE

You'll never regret it........Hope this helped

Answer 14

It might be good for both of you to have wills in place protecting each other should something happen to one of you.  

I'm in the same boat contemplating the same thing.  It's been 7 years for us and most of our friends are engaged or married.  What's the rush?  That's my feeling.  

Answer 15

Once you have children, you most definitely are better off getting married.  Legally you have more rights to survivorship for yourself if by any chance your partner should die.  Although your children would receive some benefit should such happen, you would have a difficult time obtaining any benefit at all.

Your right to claim any benefit to many if not most pension or retirement plans of your partner should you be in the position to need those funds in the future would be restricted or non existent.  

You may think now that you are young that these considerations don't matter.  Time will creep up on you faster than you think.  If you stay in this relationship for the endurance your odds will increase that either he or you will be at one time or another, in the position of needing financial support of the other.  In our elder years and later middle age, that support often comes from life insurance policies, retirement programs and government programs. Your ability to tap into these funds, or conversely your partner's, is determined most often by your legal status under the eyes of the state.  Unmarried, unless your state recognizes common law marriage, neither of you have rights any greater than if you were both just friends.

Also, you need to think rationally about who will be sacrificing their career and their personal time the most for the care of the children.  This issue needs to be looked at with clear and critical thinking.  In our society, regardless of whatever good intentions may arise at the beginning, women by and large end up with the burden of the caring tasks for the family.  This work is unpaid and requires, even when things go right, a huge amount of time that is unpaid, unrewarded immediately and unrecognized by the state or other potential beneficiaries.  

Usually in light of this, the decision is made that the lower earner of the family sacrifice their career interests for the good of the family while the higher earner continues to cultivate earnings and hopefully, build a retirement and savings for themselves and their family.

In addition, the FMLA is specific in who is eligible for this benefit.  Those who are unmarried while possibly covered (I don't know the law completely), would probably have some hoops to jump through to prove their eligibility, while a married couple would not.

Finally and most importantly; what is the fear of that piece of paper? Laws now have made it nearly impossible for a parent to leave their family behind without paying child support, regardless of marital status, so non marrying has no benefit there.

The only benefit to not marrying may be for one partner or another to attempt to protect their assets should they be incapacitated and the other partner wish to tap into them.  The question one should ask is, why on earth would someone who intends to start a family with someone else, the most difficult and demanding team project anyone can undertake, refuse to at least make the oath of marriage vow, put their oath and commitment on record and stand by it?

I personally find the decision to not marry when children become involved in the relationship an insult to women.  By agreeing to bear a child and raise it up, a woman has already made a monumental sacrifice and gone the long run for the team.  It seems the most fundamental and respectful act and frankly, not one of any great sacrifice, for the man in such a scenario to put his foot forward as well and declare and put down in writing that he is willing to go the long mile for her and his child.   It states to me that that man understands the commitment his partner has made in carrying and bearing a child with him and that he understands the weight of sacrifice that a woman makes when she commits to care for his progeny and his home for years into the future.  

So no, you don't need to get married in relative terms.  You won't die from non marriage nor will you get struck by lightning, but if you are a woman in this situation and you plan to bear children into this relationship then, I think you cut yourself short and give your man too much slack for slacking off on making a commitment to you to stay by your side for the long term, just like you will with his child.

Its the least a good man can do and a good man will never shy from it.

I have to add that this assumes that you both have a good relationship "as if married" and have no doubts or concerns about your future together.  

The only time when hesitation to sign those papers often occurs is when one or both partners fears the possible pain of divorce proceedings.  I hear this often as an excuse to not move forward to make the commitment legal.   In such a situation, one has to be honest with oneself; why am I in this relationship if I consider the possibility of divorce in the future?  

Even more important would be to consider why would you bring children into a relationship that you or your partner feel tenuous enough about to not make a full commitment.  Children need stability in their lives.  In order for them to grow and develop adequately, the minimum that parents can give them is a healthy, stable and happy home.  With all the rigors of real life beating against even the best of relationships and families, to bring children into a relationship that may not be able to withstand the rigors of life would be a grave mistake.

If this is the core of the hesitation, then marriage and children should be put on hold until such time that a firm commitment can be made. And of course, the next question from that is, why waste time in a shaky relationship that one is afraid to make a full commitment to?  Divorce is difficult and divorce with children involved can be h**l for all involved.  

If two people find it difficult to sign some papers to make their commitment legal in the eyes of the law and to ensure the stability of the other, as the law allows, then why be together "as if married" at all? What is the need to pretend when such is nothing but a hollow promise to one's partner and to whatever offspring may result (and odds are in a long term relationship, all other factors being normal, children will eventually result despite the best efforts at birth control).

Just hire a JP and get the thing done or examine your relationship and be truthful to yourself and your partner about your fears.  p**s or get off the pot, but don't build a house of cards and wish to pretend its a brick mansion.