Do you need to know everything?

Question

In a relationship, men or women. Do you really need to or want to know everything about your partner or everything they do?

Is trust enough?

Answer 1

No.  I'm the one usually more than the men I become involved with who has to have a major pocket of privacy and independence.  I disappear for weeks whenever I feel like it and stuff like that, so I have to pick men somewhat the same who can appreciate that.  I also couldn't care less about "exclusive" rights to a man.  I gave up on that when I was faithful to my husband throughout our marriage and he couldn't keep his pants zipped around other women if his life had depended on it.  I wish now in some ways that I wouldn't have left him over his "unfaithfulness".  He was just ahead of me in the learning curve.  I should have just enjoyed the "open-marriage" concept as much as he did.  I'll never be "faithful" to one man ever again unless he's mighty special and worth it.  No man ever knows what I'm worth or what my businesses are all about or anything about my investments, etc..  And, when I'm sick or have to go into the hospital or whatever, it's just disappear time.  I really like it this way.  I don't need to know or what to know anything about a man except what's in his eyes at the moment.  It's not that I don't "trust" men in my life because the men in my life these days are bigtime honorable people.  It's that I think anyone's a fool to expect anything except the moment.

Answer 2

For me, knowing everything good or bad is trust...I dont like surprises at all...Withholding information is the same as lying,.....

Answer 3

No I don't! :-) I think it's creepy the way some people have to know absolutely everything about their partner. If my partner wants to share stuff fine, if he doesn't that's fine too. Everyone (well, most people) needs their independence.

Answer 4

Nope, I don't think so. Of course, my partner and I met as grown adults with lives behind us, and there's no reason wither of us need to be involved in every aspect of that, although obviously you hear the stories, lol.

Also, we talked and discussed a LOT about the kind of relationship we wanted to have, and what be  both expected from each other. We did that BEFORE making a firm committment, and we both understood just what we were getting into.

Even today, if something bothers either one, it's a matter of asking, or saying "I am not satisified about xyz". Takes all the pain and drama out of arguing. Although I do know people who love the drama, so everyone's different in that, lol.

At some point in a relationship you just have to decide whether or not to trust the person.

If you can't trust them, what are you doing in the relationship to start with? It's only going to lead to trouble.

If you can trust them, let it go and relax.

As for reading someone's mail and email ~ my parents never read our mail as kids and I certainly wouldn't do that to anyone, whatever my relationship is with them. That woud be a total invasion of privacy!

Cheers :-)

Answer 5

The question is: why do you feel you (the general you, not specifically the author of the question) need to know everything?

I believe that there must be a balance. Some things you MUST share with your partner in respect to their needs. At the same time, you have to respect your partner's need to have some things that are personal.

For example, my father has a collection of old postcards he was sent while he was in Vietnam. My mother was insistent that he show he, to the point of having fights. These letters were not secrets, but rather significant parts of his life that he needed to keep for himself. Her invasion of his personal space was wrong.

Answer 6

Smile. No. I had a similar discussion with my husband, before I agreed to marry him. I informed him that I could not be in his life in any capacity, unless I was important enough to be the only woman in his life. He excepted and understood. We both agreed to that statement. Now, 18 years later we do not need to know an account for every single second of each others day, we know that we can trust each other completely.

Answer 7

Yes I feel that if I don't know something, everything else will be all the more easier to miss.

Answer 8

I need to know the things that affect me.  And he may not be the best judge of that.   (It's just a meaningless little fling.  It doesn't have anything to do with you.)  (Don't worry your pretty little head about it;  I'll take care of the finances.)

On the other hand if my husband tells me he is in the olive oil business I'll probably just let it go at that.

Answer 9

Some things I feel are better left in the past.

But in a relationship I would hope that everything relevant to us can be discussed.

Edit: that's true, of course there are aspects that aren't relevant which is why I make that distinction. If it isn't relevant to the relationship then why raise it as an issue? Everyone needs privacy even within their private life and yes digging up the past is unhealthy. The relationship is about the now not what happened years ago

Answer 10

After 38 years of marriage, if my wife did not tell me something. It was not important. Even if it was important at the time. I could care less about anything that happened before breakfast this morning. In an old movie there is a line I use as sort of a motto "What behind me is not important." I know I love her and I know she loves me. What we have is a partnership with trust, truth, and the American way.

Bill

Answer 11

I suppose if the relationship started to get serious there would be a few things I would want to know(credit report,criminal record, any adult pictures floating around) stuff like that.

     I am not exactly a trusting person anymore, trust like respect has to be earned.

    So I guess until it is earned I would be more guarded and at the first instance of something causing me to be jealous I would just end the relationship. Most of the time if you think there cheating they are(general relationship advice).

Answer 12

Trust used to be enough but nowadays, people are insecure about themselves, thus their partners. Finding somewhere else to aim your anger & such keeps the blame away from themselves. A lot of people say that what's in the past is in the past but where relationships are concerned, that is never true because the opposite side will always believe that something fromt heir past will come back to hurt them. Either that or they are insecure about the relationship and just choose to find something to squabble about

Answer 13

No,just as I'm sure he wouldn't want to know things about me.

Answer 14

When I was younger, I was jealous.  And wanted to know some things.  Now I trust more.  If a woman loves you, why be jealous?  Sure it's fun to know her but we all need space.  :)

Answer 15

No. One celebrity said it's good to keep a little bit of mystery..If you know everything, it gets boring and there's no excitement.

It's like when you first go out on a date..isn't it so fun to know what that person is like?

Answer 16

Yes,trust enough and it will make you blind.Trust if she/he tell you without asking what they do.I guess ....

Answer 17

We don't need to know EVERYTHING... but we enjoy talking to each other ... about a lot of things including some things from the past.