Do you no any super funny jokes?

Question

Do you no any super funny jokes?

Answer 1

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

Answer 2

there was a kid and he asked his mom "mom, is god black or white?" and his mom said god is both black and white.then the kid went to his dad and asked"dad, is god a girl or a boy?" and his dad answered, both a girl and boy. then the kid asked "is god michael jackson?"

Answer 3

This is one of my fav jokes:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.

After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."

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Answer 4

A Manchester United fan and a Liverpool fan were on their way to the match they both crashed onto each other, the liverpool fan went out and started swearing at the man united fan. The Man united fan apologized and got a whiskey bottle out of his car, he said "here mate let's not fight, lets be friends, ere ave a drink". the liverpool fan took a big gulp then the man united fan threw the bottle away. the liverpool fan asked why the man united fan didn't have a drink. The man united fan said "ohh i'll drink after the cops have sorted this al out"

Answer 5

Joke 1

Michael Jackson and Debbie were in the maternity ward just after Debbie gave birth to their first child. Michael asked her "How long do you think it will be before we can have s*x?" Debbie replied, "Jeez Michael, give it a chance to walk first!"

Joke 2

There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, ''Can I rent a donkey?'

The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only *** I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop."

The guy rides his *** for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners."

Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener whille I scratch my ***?"