Do you offer to pay even when you want the other person to?

Question

For example, after a dinner date:

Guy: here let me pay. . .

Girl: No I will, let me help

Guy: no, I insist

Girl: thanks. . ...

I don't only mean dates, but with friends or family also.

I just believe it is polite to make an offer.

(A friend of mine wouldn't go an a second date with a guy because he didn't insist on paying after she offered to help..)

Answer 1

Well if you are going to offer to pay, I think you need to be prepared to actually pay if you are taken up on the offer.

If someone insists upon paying, then just a simple thank you will suffice.

Unless you are looking for a guy to take care of you, like a substitute father figure, I would suggest that paying your way is acceptable.  Relationships involving  equals means that girls can pay too.  Like I said though, maybe you aren't looking to have an equal relationship, and in that case, you'd better find a guy that wants to pay your way.

Answer 2

Sounds like your friend is being dishonest.

I wouldn't want to date her once.

Money is tight for  a lot of folks.  If one cannot communicate the standards upon which one will be dating- "dutch", then I would say that any relationship that may or may not ensue, is doomed due to a lack of communication.

Answer 3

I always offer to pay my part.  If its truly a date and the guy insists go ahead and let him - he may have old fashioned values and it might offend him if you push it.  I think its especially important to offer to pay with friends or family (except parents unless you are expressly taking them out).

Answer 4

Depends on who asked whom out. If you asked a man out it is expected that you pay unless he offers, in which case you can split it (if you want to, if he is obviously short on money politely decline).

If he asks you out normally he would be willing to pay but have your money with you in case he is short on cash. Offer once, if he says "No, I'll pay." leave it at that, if you continue saying you'll pay it gets annoying and frustrating.

This doesn't apply to friends if you say "Wanna go out?" only if you say "I want to take you out, k?"

Answer 5

It is always polite to offer.  There are other rules regarding who invited who and such.  It will depend on the situation.

Answer 6

When you say "No I will.  Let me help," that sounds to a guy like you really want to help with the bill.  It's not being polite.  It's lying.  If he wants to pay, just say thank you.

Answer 7

That's why I don't like these "social games". Of course there are some idiots out there who will take advantage of your generosity. You will always be left with a personal burden to sniff out such cheap people and stay away from them.

I wish people mean what they do or say. If you're not paying for the bill, there is no need to offer. If you're paying, gesture for the bill and pay it discreetly.

And in dating, both should take turns in picking up the tab. If he pays for the dinner, she should pay for the popcorn and tickets.

Answer 8

I always offer to pay half the bill. In fact, I insist. In a way, I feel it is insulting to my s*x to be the delicate little things that must have the bill payed for them. Why the in the world should men pay the bill??? If that isn't promoting stereotypes which are damaging to the movement of libereation for women, what is? It might sound silly, but I feel like paying for my own meal I am making a certain statement about my independence and willingness to take responsibility for myself.

Plus, it is only polite. Who wants to pay the whole lot?

Answer 9

It's probably polite (and morally ethical) if you simply split the bill.  (ok, if you are dating maybe you shouldn't split......., but take turns treating each other, he treats one day, you treat another day)...........

Your friend shouldn't refuse to date the guy because he accepted your friend's idea that she should help out with the bill.  She offered.  

Answer 10

loool i think your friend is right, i mean i even do it when i have no money, beides,the man always should be the one who pays in a date.

Answer 11

Yes, I always offer.  The stubborn German he is won't ever let me pay, claiming that with how little income I have, I should save it for the important things, and let him splurge on me.  And yet he's apparently too poor to keep nutritious food in the house, but he's taking me on dates anyway?  Oh, what a messed-up relationship this is...  

Answer 12

you sound like me.  i always offer to pay. even if i really dont want to pay