Do you open presents during a child's birthday party or after everyone has left?

Question

What do you think about opening presents at a child's birthday party?

My husband and I have decided to do it afterwards when we are back at home or after everyone has left. We always get a few surprised reactions about not opening gifts during the party. We never request gifts for our children's birthdays, so we don't want anyone who did not bring a gift to feel bad should we open them during the party. Also we don't want it to turn into a competition about who brought the best and most expensive gift.

I understand that some people want to see our children's faces when they open their gifts, but I always help them write thank you cards for each gift that was given, as well as cards for those that attended and didn't give a gift.

We also don't want our children to feel that people have to give them something on their birthdays. It's enough that guests take the time to come to their celebration.

I suppose I feel a bit of pressure from people who insist that we open their gift during the party.

So what is your take on opening gifts during a child's birthday party?

Answer 1

I think as long as you send a thank you note, then not opening gifts is the way to go - it's time consuming and awkward if someone gets you a 50 dollar gift card and an outfit, when someone else got $10.00 worth of fake jewelry. I think it's also great for the kids to, like you said, not expect a gift. Also, if someone asks you to, just tell them that it's very time consuming and you'd rather not, but perhaps invite the child over to play with what they got them, or go on an outing with the child wearing the outfit - or whatever, as long as the person knows they like it. Now, if it's family, then you should open it in front of them, but friends it's unnecessary at a young age. At an older age maybe, but still.  

Answer 2

We thought about doing that not opening them at her party, we did however request not to bring gifts. But, we went to a party and they did exactly what your asking and I didnt like it. It was more so because my daughter was crushed she looked for so long fr the right thing, she understands parties are more than gifts but at this age, they need to be able to share in the joy that comes from giving. Just giving in general.

Answer 3

I would let my son open them during the party.  I don't think I've ever heard of anyone having a kid's party and not opening the presents when everyone was still there.  

Most people probably would find it a bit strange that the presents weren't opened at the party, and they might find it a bit rude.

I don't think the other kids would really see it as a competition, they usually just like to see all the different toys/gifts that are opened.  

Answer 4

I think gifts should be opened at the party.

"We also don't want our children to feel that people have to give them something on their birthdays. It's enough that guests take the time to come to their celebration."

It sounds like you've done a good job teaching him that already. Continue to reinforce it. However, even those that didn't bring a gift generally expect that presents will be opened there anyway.

Anyway, all that said, if that's how you wanna do things make it clear to the parents that we greatly appreciate your coming and your gift, but this is how we raise our child. That's it.

You don't owe them an explanation beyond that.

Answer 5

I think opening the gifts after the party is a great idea. It seems like when gifts are opened during a party there is almost a rush, lot's of trash, and pressure to find out who the gift is from and write it down for the thank you notes. Plus you have bunches of kids who want to see or play with the gifts, and children who feel guilty and embarrassed when they didn't bring a gift as extravagant as another kids. I think opening the gifts after the party, makes their birthday joy last longer, and you don't have to rush. Yes some people do want to see your child's reaction to the gift, so maybe you could take a picture of your child opening or playing with their gift and send it along with the thank you notes?

Answer 6

I think it depends on where the party is and how much time is allowed. My son just went to a party at the roller rink. The boy didn't open the gifts there, they just took them home to open and I understand that because the kids were busy roller skating and it was hard enough to get them all over for pizza and cake.

If the party is at the home though, then I think it's rude to wait until everyone leaves before opening the gifts. I know often we have stayed at a long party until the end just to see the kid open our gift and it's frustrating when you wait and then the party ends and they never opened gifts.

If you are all about having your kids be satisfied with just the party then put a note in the invitation that says "no gifts please" and really make it about getting together with friends to celebrate, otherwise it's automatically assumed that one should bring a gift to a child's birthday party.

Answer 7

you open gifts at the PARTY...people KNOW you bring GIFTS to a childs party. If they dont they should have made something like a picture or card. This is for the kid and his/her birthday ..Only that kids feelings count

Answer 8

I too think that it is a bit rude to not open the gifts infront of the person who brought it. That's one of my pet peves about weddings. I took the time to buy your child a great gift and I want to see their reaction when when open the gift. That's my part of the present. Giving gifts is just as much for the giver as the receiver.

Answer 9

I always do it during.

Answer 10

You made some good points, but I always open my presents during the party, because that way people can know how much you like their gift, before getting the thank you note. That is just my take on it! : )

Answer 11

Any kids that brought gifts, I have them open it in front of everyone. But, our gifts to our kids are done either earlier or later.  We live far from family, so those gifts are usually mailed and done ahead of time.  But, if they were there, I suppose I'd just ask them to arrive a bit early or stay a little bit later.  I've never gotten an invitation to a kids party requesting gifts- it's just usually something everyone does- although varying in amount spent.

Answer 12

Our kids open them during the party.

I understand how you feel though. Growing up I was the type of kid whose parents threw HUGE parties. Just about my whole class would come, seriously. I'd have a huge table piled with gifts. Talk about one spoiled child!

I didn't want this for my kids. They mostly have just family parties where we get together with family members & that is it. So each child only gets maybe 4 or 5 gifts at the family party. Later our family exchanges gifts (my husband & the kids).

Seriously though I think you need to rethink this idea. Put yourself in your parents shoes. They want to see their grandchild open the gift, talk to them about it and enjoy it with the child. It isn't all about seeing the eyes light up. It is more of the joy of GIVING. Plus this teaches your child about RECEIVING too.

Now if you are having a LARGE party then yes wait till later if you need to. Like at a wedding party most of the times people put the gifts on a table and later when the Bride & Groom are home they open all the gifts.

I hope you rethink this. It is important for kids to learn to enjoy the gift of getting a gift. Even if it is underwear they need to learn to look at the GIVER than tell them thank you for the gift. .

Answer 13

The way you avoid both the competition about who brought the best or most expensive gift and someone feeling bad if they did not bring one is to teach your child manners.

They should read the card aloud if they are old enough and thank each giver as enthusiastically as the others. Keep the gift portion of the party short and follow it with something exciting like a game or cake.

I think you are robbing the givers of seeing your child's reaction if you wait until afterward and you are stealing a learning moment for your child to react graciously to all the gifts.

I do like your idea of writing thank you notes to those who attended. :-)  

Answer 14

i see were your coming from and you make a great point.

my parents rule for me was that i could open them but i couldnt play with them until i helped clean up and after everyone leaves.

answer mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 15

In a way it is rude not to open the gifts during a party because the other parents have paid the money for the gifts. I have never been to a child's birthday party where the gifts are not opened.  

Answer 16

We always open the gifts at the party, but like you said, you can get some weird reactions from the kids!  I think saving them until after the festivities is a great idea.  Maybe take a picture and send it with every thank-you note.  Kudos for the thank yous, too!  Not many people do those anymore.

Still, I think we'll probably continue to open gifts AT the birthday parties.  It's odd though - people don't open wedding gifts at the wedding!  LOL

Answer 17

I think it's great that you feel that way.  I would simply make sure that I included a note, "No Gifts Please" on the invitation, and if anyone inquires you can explain why.  I wish I had done that with my kids, because you are absolutely correct.  Grandparents, close aunts and uncles (usually the single ones) and parent's single best friends sometimes provide elaborate gifts that put the $15 obligatory gifts to shame.  When my kids were small, $10 or $15 dollars was a lot of money out of my budget...I appreciated the one skating party my son was invited to where the invite said "No gifts please".  Stick with your convictions, I bet you have good kids.