Do you or your spouse threaten to leave when arguing?

Question

My husband & I got into an argument last night. We’ve only been married a few months & he said he would leave so I can keep our apartment & that we can get an annulment. I was in shock. He tends to say things he doesn’t really mean when he’s mad but that really hurt me deeply. Later he came up behind me, kissed me on my head, and said “I’m sorry about earlier. You are my one true love”.

Is it common for people to threaten to leave over a stupid argument? It doesn’t make me feel very secure with my marriage.

Answer 1

Ok, honey, I am talking from experience here, when my husband and I were first married, we had our problems, relationship, financial, and just getting to know each other problems. My mother in law played a big part in our marriage in the beginning, believe me, she made it so unbearable, but that is a different story.

As the years went on, things did not change, and I grew more and more unhappy with the marriage, and I did threaten to leave, but the more I "threatened" to leave and did not, he did not believe me!!! There is a big difference in "threatening" to leave and actually "doing" it.

Well, I finally did "do it", and he really took me seriously, we ended up getting back together, after many, many, months of talking and communicating and we have now been married for 16 years.

One flaw was the mother in law, and after we got rid of her, our marriage started taking form and shaping up to what we wanted it to be like!

So, my advice would be if you are going to leave then leave, do not just "say so", just do it, but if you really want to work it out, then do not "threaten", communicate.

That is something I did not know how to do when I was first married, now, after 16 years, it is the foundation of our marriage.

Answer 2

It is immature to make threats of this kind. It does nothing to build up the other person and is said in haste and out of a selfish heart.

Answer 3

sorry to say, but i wouldnt expect marriage to last if hes this immature in a relationship. One of the biggest prob's in marriages is people dont know how to argue, your husband is perfect example.

No, i dont ever threaten to leave, nor him. thats just plain childish.

I would nip it in the bud now, and tell him, if he says it again, his apology will mean squat! and ....then ...do something about it.

Answer 4

My mom and dad used to do it all the time.  She would take off for a while, knowing that it would really anger him.  However, it also helped for her to cool down so that she wouldn't say hurtful mean things to him.  I would suggest you talk to a marriage counselor or pastor, so you can work on how to disagree without hurting each other.  It's a common problem, especially with newlyweds.  Good luck.

Answer 5

Unfortunately we say things we don't mean when we are mad.  The big thing you need to look at is he righted his wrong.  Not many men will admit when they are wrong.  He is good one......now go love on him and forget about this silly fight.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Yes it is common. Well at least in my marriage but i think u should tell him how it makes u feel. You dont want to feel insecure in your marriage because other promblems will occur like trust. you will always worry about which arguement will lead to him leaving. I would ask him to be careful about the things he says while he's angry.

Answer 7

No. Never.  That is just wrong.  

Answer 8

Young, immature idiots do this.

I cannot even remember the last time my husband and I had a disagreement about ANYTHING and we are FAR from perfect.

Answer 9

Every couple has fights or arguments. The problem you guys have is you don't know how to deal with these arguments. Obviously its getting too heated so one or both you need to learn to WALK AWAY, calm down, and then talk about the problems.

If you guys can't talk using your 'indoor voices' its not the time to hash out the issue.

If someone said to me I am leaving, then they better be prepared to hold true to that threat they are making. You never say those types of things no matter how mad you are. He should have known better.

Maybe you guys should see a counselor and learn to deal with these issues so when future issues arise you won't be having these type of heated arguments. Best of luck.  

Answer 10

i have to admit that both myself and my husband did that up until recently...we started marriage counseling and according to the counselor since neither one of us can handle the fights we figure that it would be easier on the other person if we left...which isn't fair to each other since we do love each other very much..we're learning how to fight fair instead of just yelling...it's been stressful and yes it does make for an insecure marriage...i would suggest you both go see someone to learn how to fight fair and for him to understand why he feels the need to say something like that

Answer 11

You have to put a stop to that....  He has to know that it's wrong and that there will be consequences for that kind of action/ those words -- because what he's "really" saying when he says/does that is that he's not 100% committed to you and your relationship.

I think you both should see a counselor now so they can help both of you "establish the rules of the road" for this relationship.

Answer 12

We used to do that when we first got married and realized that it was not all "peaches and cream".  We realized that leaving doesn't solve anything. I think that you guys have to talk and make it a rule that you guys are committed to each other and NO simple argument is going to make you walk out on each other. My husband and I have this rule ( we made after we used to do with you guys do a lot) that we would never go to sleep mad with each other.  We had to realize that we are into this together and that we can't just walk out on each other when either one of us get mad.

Answer 13

I just did it last night. I admit it, I have anger issues. Both of my parents are alcoholics, hence they fought/fight a LOT. I have a lot of negative programing to undo to make myself better. I pray, and try to be better. There are bad days, and there are good days, very VERY good days. I always try to tell my husband, and myself, that if I say I hate you, it really means I hate myself. When we say hurtful things, it is wrong. When the fight is over, try to be calm and work it out. Good luck, God bless.

Answer 14

No. That threat was not appropriate or mature.

Hopefully, he's truly sorry and you'll never hear that again. Part of being married is forgiving the other person's faults and recieving the same forgiveness for yours.

So he was way out of line. But if you accepted this apology, then you shouldn't hold it against him anymore.

Good luck!

Answer 15

nope we dont throw thing like that to each other over littles things . that is immature of him .  

Answer 16

No Ive never had a guy say that he was going to leave in a disagreement.You need to discuss with him what he said and how it makes you feel. If he continually says it in arguments you will get sick of it n tell him to go  

Answer 17

I threatened to leave my husband so many times in the first year of marriage. You two will settle into your marriage and the empty threats will get fewer and fewer as time goes by.