Do you publically disagree with your spouse?

Question

A woman I know firmly believes that she should never disagree with her husband infront of anyone else and he should never disagree with her infront of anyone else ie. they should always present a united front and disagreements may only occur behind closed doors. She also believes that her husband is entitled to the final say in public and rarely speaks for herself in private.

I do not understand the reasoning behind this. Personally, I disagree with my husband whenever I feel the need. I'm rational, opinionated and openly so, although I will refrain when such opinions are grossly inappropriate. If his family or friends see me disagreeing with him, I do not fear what they would say. I wonder, is it insecurity that drives this sort of 'united front' kind of behavior? Is she afraid that if she disagrees with my brother I'll choose his side and bad mouth her? The truth is, I lost a little respect for her when I found out how she views marital relationships and the roles of women...help me understand!

Answer 1

It depends if the disagreement is a big one or a small one. out of respect for OTHER PEOPLE around, I will not engage in a disagreement if I feel it will become heated, that makes others uncomfortable and that sucks. I've been around couples that argue and disagree and it makes me quite uncomfortable (shuffling in my seat, looking at the ceiling, excusing myself). If we're talking "debate", I see nothing wrong with it although they can become heated and you run the risk of offending others with something that comes out of your mouth.

"rational" and "opinionated" seems kind of like an oxy-moron to me...just saying.

Answer 2

Luckily, we don't disagree on a lot of issues. When we do have a disagreement, I prefer to discuss it in private; trying not to subject other people to your disagreements is just good etiquette, just like not chewing with your mouth open.