Do you really love your second child as much as you love your first?

Question

Is that feeling you get in the delivery room there with second child?

When you have a newborn and an older child is it hard for you to focus on the older child when you have a cute little baby?

My son is 2 and I'm just so curious as to what this will be like. I tried for this baby, but now I'm so scared sometimes I don't even want to think about it.

Answer 1

Yes, you really do love your second as much as your first. For me, bonding with a new baby is a passionate and exclusive relationship. I was really shocked that, at least in the beginning, I couldn't feel the love I had for my first child. It felt like it was all about the baby. Fortunately, I'm good at faking it. I went out of my way to pay attention to my oldest. And, eventually, the feelings came back.

I know that for other people it's different. They have to "fake it til you feel it" with the new baby. But unless there is something seriously wrong with you, you will love both children. And you really can get fascinated with what is the same and what is different with your children. Genetics and birth order are fascinating.

Answer 2

Yes, you will be fine.  Each is unique and will make that known to you, even from the first moments.  This is part of the miracle!

Answer 3

well duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh maybe not just dont let them know it though,they may go OJ on yeah while your sleeping

Answer 4

Yes, you really do love your 2nd child as much as your first.  It is hard to imagine, but once that baby is born, you will fall in love just as you did your first.  

You'll love seeing the similarities and differences in your two children.... and will love them the same.  I sometimes couldn't give my older one as much attention just because the baby required more work, not because he was cute.  I made sure to carve out special time for my older child when the baby was napping, etc.

Don't worry - it will all work out once the baby is here.  You'll love having two!  I wish you the best of luck!!

Answer 5

I think every mommy feels that way... I had a 5 year old little girl when I got pregnant with my son.  I was already worried about loving another child as much, then I found out I was having a boy.  What in the world would I do with a boy!!  Then he was born.  Oh my word!  There is no way to even begin to explain it.  I love both of my children so much.  Not one more than the other, but just differently.  Since my kids have quite a big age difference, my daughter understood that the new baby was going to take a lot of our time because he couldn't do things for himself like she could.  Although she adjusted very well, there were still moments of jealously because she had been an only child for 6 years.  Just make sure the older one has alone time with each parent.  It really makes the difference.  I wish you the best!  Don't worry, your heart is big enough for both of them (and more)!

Answer 6

It is absolutely possible!  My son was 2, almost 3 when my daughter was born.    I felt the exact same excited, love, all the emotions with the 2nd that I felt with the 1st.  It will be a little bit harder with two kids, and your oldest will probably test you in the beginning to see where & make sure he/she still fits in the equation, but it will work out, don't worry :)

Answer 7

me too

Answer 8

Yes most parents love both equally, don't worry, you will love both of them the same.  You may treat them differently because of their personalities or needs but you will have the same amount of love for each.

Answer 9

let me clarify what I think most people are trying to say.... You DO love all your children "equally", but also DIFFERENTLY.  I have 3 daughters and 3 grandchildren and I love each more than my own life, BUT each very differently, in different ways and for different reasons. And yet, you would never trade one for another. Each has his/her own special place in your heart and life. You'll see, it'll work out exactly right. Good luck!

Answer 10

Well yeah!  I love all three of my kids equally and I had the amazing feeling each time I held every one of them.

Answer 11

i am pregnant with baby #2 and i am wondering the same thing. i look at my son everyday and wonder how i could possibly ever love another child as much as i love him. he is truly the joy in my life. i am 30 weeks (31 tomorrow Yippie) and i still have a hard time believing that we are going to have a baby girl. im sure once you see your other baby you are going to fall in love with them like you did your first and when you see your 2 children together for the first time you are gonna fall in love with them both all over again. good luck to you and your children!

Answer 12

This really is a common worry for second and subsequent babies for mum's, is there enough love to go around?  Generally I have found with myself, family and friends it will of course vary as the bond that people talk of is not always there for every woman and shouldn't be stigmatised as going through pregnancy and labour can be a hectic and emotional time for woman, it's a h**l of a lot for the body to cope with.  People forget that.  In my experience I have been very fortunate to have short labours and haven't felt completely drained, it can take a few days for some women to bond if not weeks.  I did experience the rush of emotions that come, mainly the sense that my baby was healthy and here and then love followed. I hope you have plenty of support as that really is the main thing that will get you through any worries you may have. Talk to your doctor if you have any concerns.  People do expect mothering to come naturally to every woman and that really isn't the case.  It takes time to adjust, more for some than others.  Putting pressure on yourself is the worse thing that any woman can do, we are our own worse enemies sometimes!

It's important that your son doesn't feel left out when your baby arrives and wherever possible try to spend some time alone with him as up til now he's had your full attention and sharing is something that he will have to get used to.  I made sure that my daughter also aged 2 when my son was born bought him a present and my son also bought her a present. This made her feel like she was part of things and involving her in decisions like what the baby wears or helping you when changing nappies, if you can involve your son he wont feel left out and hopefully you won't feel like he's not having any attention.  See if dad or other friends or family can take your baby out for walks in the pram, that will give you time alone with your son, again ask dad or family to take your son out to the park so you can rest a little especially if baby is sleeping, that way you're all doing your bit to help your son adjust.  

The biggest surprise will be when you bring your baby home, your little boy will seem huge in comparision.  Anyway, good luck and take care x

Answer 13

I worry about the same thing right now. I might be pregnant at the moment with my first child and I dont think I would want to have anymore. Just for the fact that a few years ago my little brother stole all the atention and it made me feel left out and sad. I woulndt want my child to go through that so I think I will stop at one.

Answer 14

I had the feeling with all 4 of my kids!  When you have an older child at home, yes it is hard to focus on the older one, but NOT because you have a cute little baby, because the new baby takes a lot of time.  You have to make the time you have with the older child very special.  Be sure and take the older one out alone--just you and child.  

I couldn't believe that I could love someone (1st baby) so much, and have just as much love for someone else...consecutive babies.

You will see....you will have just as much love for the next.

Congratulations!!

Good Luck

Momma P

Answer 15

I have the same fear you do. I'm a twenty and I have a three-year-old son from a previous relationship. He means a lot to me and we are very close - he's the reason I stopped taking heroin and he has changed the person I was completely. He is currently in isolation at hospital with leukemia and they told me that it's not looking good for him. It's obviously a really hard time, but it's harder because we now have newborns as well. They are twins and are now six days old. I didn't get the same feeling when I held them for the first time and I certainly haven't bonded with them yet. I feel cruel almost, because I don't love them much at all.

I think my biggest fears are that I won't love them as much because Nathan was such a big part in changing me from a heroin addict to who I am today. Also, because Nathan is so ill - I feel like it's unacceptable to be celebrating the newborns when there's a chance I might lose him. I'm probably holding on too tightly and I admit it's scary, so I know how you feel. My best advice to you is to just go for it. When the baby is born you will probably feel a whole lot different. Get your son involved - take walks with your son and the baby and do activities together. Let your son help you choose clothes, get ready for the baby and just talk about it. This way you can both spend time together and also get excited about the baby. I think the most important thing is just letting yourself let go a little bit. It's almost like he's your first born so you don't want to let him go and you always want him to be your number one.

Answer 16

yes, it definetly is harder to focus on the first child. its sorta like getting a newborn puppy. who do you have to take care of, who is more cute, who is the one youd rather be with. would it be the newborn puppy or the older dog whos fun is dried up.

dont worry however. Things work out just fine. as said before, your other child will be slightly adventurous to see what he can get away with and to test your love for him. the best thing you can do, is when the newborn is asleep or occupied with someone else (like im not sure if your married or in a relationship or anything) but whenever your baby free, make a special time, or have a special thing to do with your firstborn so that he still feels loved.

Answer 17

YES! I had those exact same fears. Sharing my fears with my husband helped me a lot. He knows how passionate I am about children. He reassured me. You should talk to your husband when you have those fears.

now- after the fact- when the baby is born- that fear will be a distant memory. I PROMISE! You will love them both equally. You will even *like* them both the same- although you'll like the different qualities they each possess.

When my second was born there was jealousy/shock from my oldest for about a week, since I was exhausted and overwhelmed but by the time that calmed down- she was fine.

Play with your oldest as much as possible and include him in story telling etc with the baby. He'll be fine! He will adjust faster than you think.