Do you regret going back to work? (Parents)?

Question

I have three children aged 2, 4 and 6. My middle son is due to start school september. I have always paid my way by working nights or evenings but am considering going back full time or going to uni. Should I wait until my youngest is at school (two years) or go for it. (I love being a mummy and feel lucky we have managed this far!) I am 26

Answer 1

no not at all we have 11 children and Ive always try ed to work bin in present job 4 years now and love it took time out when son was born ... prem and ha few problems but as soon as was possible went back work

Answer 2

No I didn't.

Never have I ever regretted my decision. People who make dumb uneducated comments like *Well did you have them for other people to raise* make me sick.

I have a fantastic job, and I am a brilliant mother. I share my responsibility part-time. My family always comes first though. I won't work full time till the boys are in school, but my few hours work a week is good for me, and I am entitled to have a life as well.

Do whatever makes YOU happy.

Happy Mother = Happy Children

Answer 3

Not at all. How could I raise a daughter and expect her to believe that school is important, if at the same time she sees that all women do with their lives is childcare and housework?

I love my kids. I love my career too. There is absolutely no reason you can't have both.

Answer 4

wait for your youngest to go to school

Answer 5

If I could do it all over again I would have waited until my son was in school and spent as much time as possible with him rather than working.  But being a single mum and with no-one there to help me with bills I had no choice but go back to work.  Now my child is nearly 9 and I don't have a very good relationship with him as he was minded by my parents as I was working from 8 in the morning til 8 at night and as you can imagine I had no time with him as when I was heading out to work he was only getting up from bed and when I got home in the evening he was going to bed.  Weekends were far to short and most of the housework had to be done.  I am now job sharing with another parent and only work 4  to 5 hours a day.  But I left it too late.  I am finding it very hard to build up the relationship with my child that should have been done in the first 5 years.  My child has a better relationship with my parents than he does with me.  But I'm persisting.  If I were you I would hold out that extra two years and give your youngest what your eldest two have had.

Answer 6

Wait. It goes so fast...you should enjoy the next two years before you youngest goes to school.

Answer 7

I started at uni when my son was just 1. I went full time but had a flexible study plan. I had 2 classes on campus and did 5 by correspondance in the first semester which I mostly did while he was asleep. It was a full on study load. I gradually did more on campus as he got older but maintained the full time load for 2 years. I sometimes wonder what I missed but I was only at classes 2 days per week and I am glad that I did something for me and have been able to work toward a degree so I can hopefully improve our financial situation. It also gave my son a chance to spend time with his dad and learn to be independant of me. I was only able to do this because my partner was a stay at home dad. I have cut right back to one external subject since having a second baby but I haven't actually started the work and I'm thinking I will go back to 4 or 5 subjects when she's 2. If you can find a uni that allows flexibility, perhaps night classes and external study and if you really want to do it, then why not? The only thing I might have done differently is starting out with a few less subjects. I bet it would be harder with 3 children but I met other mum's with more children who were doing a similar work load to me.

Answer 8

Wow, that was a pretty rude comment from the first answerer.

No, I don't regret going back to work, because if I didn't go back, there would be no roof over my son's head and no food for him to eat.  

And - he loves daycare.  He's gotten to the point now that when we pull in the parking lot he starts squealing with excitement.  He gets down and plays with the other kids and he's just having a ball there.  I've watched him grow in his social skills it seems like overnight.

But - it's all based on how you feel as well.  Just because I'm happy with my situation, doesn't mean that you need to jump back into work.  Do what you feel is best for your family.

Answer 9

I am not a parent but I just wanted to say I admire you for paying your own way and not just living on benefits.

Wow.

Good luck with your decision.

Answer 10

I would wait until your youngest is in school just because I've been studying, working and looking after my son and its so hard and expensive. Only recently - January he started full time and i went back to work full time and am considering studying.

I would choose a home study course so you can work aswell as study cos these courses are so expensive (have gotten myself into debt!!)

Answer 11

It's a very personal question this one and whatever is right for you and your kids may not be the same as for someone else.  On that note though, over the years with my two (15 and 18) I have been in work, a student and unemployed.  I have now gone back to uni due to no longer needing to pay for childcare which finally makes it financially possible!  Contrary to what other people think, when my kids were little the best place for me to be was at home with the kids.  Kids need their mother more than another person looking after them.  I found when I was out at work trying to make a better life for us (but was £37 per week worse off!) that my youngest became unhappy, disruptive and performed badly at school.

It may be worth looking into uni as an option though, unlike when I originally went for a year back in 1995 and had to leave through not being able to pay both rent and childminding  that there is now loads of help for mums going back.  Your rent can be paid and you also get a top-up amount of Income support to help.  It's not a lot, works out the same as being unemployed, but it does make it possible to get to uni and ultimately make you financially stable.

Answer 12

I am pregnant with me first, and I hope not to have to work full time until they are all in school. I think part time is fine, which I plan on, because my husband will watch them one day and my mother-in-law the other.

Answer 13

Well, did you have your kids for you to raise or someone else? I stayed home with mine until they were both in school and then I got a job at their school. Being a Mom is the most important job in the world. If you can stay home with them, you should.

Answer 14

I would wait until your youngest is in school simply because you raised the other 2 at home until they went to school. Your youngest may (if not right away..later in life) wonder why you couldn't be at home for him too. Its a simple thing to explain "well, finacially I had to" but you will still probably feel guilty about him feeling bad about it. good luck with whatever you decide!

Answer 15

Well, I will be asking for my mom, because this is a topic that she's actually been asked. She's a nurse and in my opinion she's the best one around. She works night shift from 7 p.m. - 7 sometime's 8 a.m. and trust me, the only thing I'm bothered is I'm curious if she gets enough coffee in her system to stay awake all hours! Those hours I'm usually winding down starting to sleep and I don't wake up until like 9 or 10.

Anyways, she doesn't regret going back to work, she doesn't regret one single thing. Sometimes she wishe's she would have stayed in Germany and have me grow up there and do her nursing stuff, but she doesn't regret it.

My mother and I spent a whole lot of time together. She mostly worked during my school hours and sometimes there were slight cases where she didn't and I'd have to go to my grandmother's after. That's how my grandmother and I came close...sort of.

My mom has not once regretted it. And she shouldn't, I'm proud of my mother. I mean come on she went to school, she then had to go to university, then to nursing school, and she worked for a while as an RN nurse in Germany and then when we were in the US something happened of her not getting her RN or whatever, so she had to re - do it again in here. So she went back to nursing school and this one seemed to be the toughest in our state. And now she's a successful nurse.

That tells me a lot. It tells me that I can be where I want to be in life if I want to work hard and push myself. And that I need an education if I want to get anywhere in life. Also that finding a career that you are content with waking up and going to every morning (or in her cases night) and having a sincere smile on.

So she doesn't regret it and I sure am not mad about it.

In a way, I feel as though you shouldn't wait, but then again I also say just wait until your youngest is in school.

Answer 16

well, first, dont worry about how others will perceive you. do what you think is best for you and your family. I personally feel if you can afford it you should stay home with your kids. Your 2 yr old needs you at home.

Answer 17

I personally wouldn't wait. My son is almost 10 months old. I went back to work when he was 6 months old. The first day was the hardest. But now that I am working and he is in daycare I love it. I get that alone time just for mommy. I get other interactions with adults on a daily basis. It makes me more eager to come home and see him after work. I think all mommies need a break. I would go back full time. Good luck!

the 1st answer: when people send their kids to daycare that doesn't mean they had kids to let someone else raise them. dont worry!