Do you remember past summers?

Question

July Memories

by Elaine Polin

Stand on the wet sand,

let the cool foam

tickle hot toes;

sparkling delight.

Walk to tall beach grass,

don’t smooth your hair!

let the breeze blow through

its halo of light.

Run to the jetty,

climb slipp’ry rocks,

gaze at white seagulls

soaring in flight.

Come, take my hand now,

we must speed home,

sunset’s upon us,

we have tonight…

Answer 1

I remember past summers,

Remember them well.

So many have past now,

Too many to tell.

So I'll take your hand now,

And speed away home.

I'll stay right there with you,

And never will roam.

Answer 2

I would stroll "through" beach grass.

Or "skip through beach grass"

Depends how relaxed this is supposed to sound, but running to the jetty and speeding home makes me feel more active than "strolling".

Answer 3

This is a painting Elaine....a portrait to keep as a treasure to renew memories. Every object is painted with a hand of character. Every object has a peculiar nature and beauty.

"Let the breeze blow through.

its halo of light".

These two are my favourite lines of the poem. I get the feel and colours....it's very dearer and I love it.

Answer 4

Swish through beach grass?  

Would July to us about such things? I think not. Summer snapshot - a fine portrait of *halcyon days.

Summer of '72

Summer this and summer that.

Don't forget sunscreen and hat.

Stinging heat of reddened burn,

unforgettable, it's what you learn

Red Badge of Courage

covered in creamy white

I have this sneaking feeling

I won't sleep tonight.

Jellz' Memories are made of this

* use this word as directed and if pain persists see your Doctor

Answer 5

Good revision Elaine. I think by pulling "tall" out of that out that line, and changing walk to stroll you smoothed out the sounds. I love "Let the breeze blow through its halo of light."

Oh, and Granny I think we all feel that way when we read other peoples' poems.

Answer 6

Don't ask...but what about...'Swish through tall beach grass'?

With that said, I'm off to sweat.

Answer 7

I love it.  I unfortunately don't have time to go line by line right now, but overall, it's very comfortable and familiar and pleasant.  I miss past summers.  I am inspired, now, to write about them.

Answer 8

I love the ending--it only promises a continuation of a wonderful day. And "come take my hand now" makes the reader feel as if this was written for them.

Answer 9

Yes, the revision is smoother.  The beach is about 15 minutes from me.  I haven't been there for quite awhile.  Your poem brought back memories.  The slipp'ry rocks - so vivid and true.  The ending is tres romantic.  I enjoyed and lived this poem.

Answer 10

Lovely...except, I have not run since 1996...ouch!

Answer 11

i felt like i was actually there elaine....you use such beautful imagery.

Answer 12

Painted well this memory.  "Walk to tall beach grass" seemed  awkward in reading would be my only critique.  And that is probably just me.

Edit: I'll be buying that revision!  Good one.

Answer 13

I love this form and the content. The poem is warm like sand after a hot day.

Answer 14

This hurts.

The lake

the sand

the house

the land

sold

from under

my feet

quarter mil

to buy it back

but I have

the memories.

Answer 15

Lovely stuff.....the last line is so beautiful...and poignant.

I agree with neonman - there is something wrong with the 'walk to tall beach grass' - line - but, I've not sure what it is.  Maybe it is a little mundane.  Maybe, it is because it is a memory of yours and not ours.  Do you think?  I can certainly identify with all the other images.

Who sparked this off?- was it Elyslund with Life is a Beach (or whatever)?  It is interesting where poems start from.

I think I am an okay poet, and then I read other people's stuff and realise I've such a long way to go.