Do you secretly look down on bottle feeding moms?

Question

hi, I tried to breastfeed my baby and I managed to do it for three weeks before I finally stopped. It was a huge decision and one I struggled with for a long time but I was having a very hard time with the baby latching on correctly and he wasnt getting enough to satisfy him, and alot of other issues. He is doing wonderful on the bottle and I feel much better but the other day I was at the park with my baby and my nine year old and I was feeding my baby a bottle and I noticed another mom with a baby smirking at me. It wasnt my imagination, she was really giving me a dirty look. It made me all of a sudden feel very insecure and it made me think that she thought I was somehow a bad mom for bottle feeding. I was just wondering if other people secretly think that about moms when you see them bottle feeding because now I feel really self conscience and it made me feel badly. I love my little baby with all my heart and I feel like I made the best decision for my situation but I dont know...I just feel bad now, whats your opinion?

Answer 1

I absolutely do not judge bottle-feeding moms.  Every mother has access to the same information about the benefits of breast vs. bottle feeding, and we can all make our own choices.  If you chose to bottle feed your child, it's because you feel it is best for your family and your situation, and I respect your choice, the same as I would expect that you would respect mine.  

Answer 2

My son is breast fed. I do not look down on what you feed your child at all. As long as your baby is happy and healthy that's all that matters. I wish my son would take formula to give me a little bit of a break since he has been eating every 2 hours ever since he was born. But he refuses to take it.

I would have given her a dirty look right back! I get dirty looks all the time if I'm trying to feed my son at the mall or something.  

Answer 3

Do what is right for you.  I know just as many bottle feeding moms as breastfeeding moms, and I know everyone is just doing what they feel is best for their own baby.

You probably will get some rude answers though - there's a great debate on this board over breast vs/ bottle  :)

Answer 4

Well... if it was a secret, I wouldn't tell you, now would I. ;-)

It is normal for you to feel bad.  You wanted to be able to do something and weren't able to succeed at it.  So, of course you still  feel a bit badly about it.  You'll get past it in time.

I don't think (secretly or otherwise) that bottlefeeding moms are bad moms.  I DO wonder, sometimes, what led them to make the decision.  But I would never 'smirk' or say anything rude or negative.  

Answer 5

WHO CARES what other people think????  

You said "I feel much better" and that's all that matters momma!

Ignore other people.  They don't know your situation.   You keep doing what's best for YOUR baby and stand proud that you produce a beautiful, healthy little miracle.

Answer 6

Not at all... I have done both and I know with babies and kids - you do whatever works for you and no one can judge you.  

Answer 7

I know what you mean.  Every time I buy formula, someone is staring at it in my cart.  At first it used to bother me but I think that's only because I was so very disappointed in myself.  I cried and cried for weeks, thinking I was a bad mom but once I let go of the guilt because I realized that my son was finally gaining weight and was healthy, the stress level in my life went way down.  I don't think is was good for my son to see and feel me being so stressed.  

And how did that mother at the park know that it was formula in there and not pumped breast milk.  I think people should mind their own business because there are definitely things that they do with their kids that others dissapprove of too.

Answer 8

No.I couldn't care less how someone feeds their child.As long as they are feeding & taking care of them,it isn't my business.I would never look down on a mom for making a choice(one that she has every right to make) for her family.Honestly I could care less.I never have cared & probably never will.I wouldn't feel bad about it.You did what you think is best & that is all that matters.I would ignore any snotty rude mothers.Them & their opinions do not matter anyways.

Answer 9

That's ridiculous!  I sure there are women out there who secretly feel that way, but shame on them!  It's each woman's choice and it's a decision only she can make.  You did what was best for your child, and I applaud you!  Sometimes a baby doesn't take well to the breast, so you give them what they work best with.  I'm so sorry this happened to you.  Seriously, shame on that women for looking down on you!

Answer 10

I do not look down at them as a bad mom just for feeding their baby with a bottle.. and how are we to know that its not EBM in that bottle and they are just not very comfortable with nursing in public...but I do wonder whether or not they tried to breastfeed and if it just didn't work for them and the only reason that I wonder is because I am a breastfeeding mommy and enjoy it so much...but that doesn't make them a bad mom...now not feeding their baby and just letting them cry or not giving them a bath and keeping them clean is a bad mom...

Answer 11

It really depends, because I do look down on the moms who bottle feed just because they don't want to take the 30 minutes to breastfeed. Or want to bottle feed just so that other people can take care their baby.there are so many problems that can occur with nursing. But when its because there was problems with breastfeeding, then i don't look down on them. With my first baby, she wouldn't latch and my milk didn't come in so she had to be put on formula. With my second baby, we are still breastfeeding and she will be a year on the 12th of this month. So I have done both, and it really just depends on the situation. But you should never let anyone get you down because of it. For all she knows you had breast milk in the bottle. You know. Good luck.

Answer 12

Breast or Bottle feeding is a choice. I prefer to bottle feed because it is easier for me and the baby. I also used the breast pump when my children were babies . They still drank breast milk. A woman that breast feed should not look down on women who don't . Many women have different reasons and shouldn't be judge.

Answer 13

no matter which one you do you will always get dirty looks from judgmental people. if you bottle feed, your a bad mother, if you breastfeed, its dirty. All you can do is try to ignore it, but i know how hard this is to actually do.

its ridiculous that people think they have the right to judge others.  

Answer 14

Well, I have to confess to you, we breastfeeding moms (most of us) look down on bottle fed moms...Most of us... I'm very sorry for this... We don't know your struggles or the reasons and we judge them. I've been thinking about this, because is not right.

It's the same as looking down on a mom because she gives her kid candy. We believe is not the right thing to do, but we forget is HER choice and HER reasons.

I know I've looked down on bottle feeding moms because I've read studies and research of the hazards of formula (please do not take this the wrong way) and, on the other hand, I've read about the benefits of breastfeeding. Also, I've been so blessed breastfeeding my baby and our bond is so strong that I want every mom around me to feel the same. Is not personal, is a desire to see a future with healthier kids.

Days ago I saw a baby (like a month old) crying her heart out in the med's office. The doctor changed the formula 4 times, and she kept having problems with her stomach... Why didn't he suggest breast milk? You see, my husband and I were heartbroke...

I'm very sorry to every bottle feeding mom out there who noticed our attitude. Forgive us. . . We do not mean to offend anyone... Just, please, make some research, before you make the choice. And if you make the choice of bottle feeding, then don't feel bad. Is always your choice, not ours... Good day...

Answer 15

I do not look down upon how a mother feeds her child whether it be breast or bottle. Some women just cannot breastfeed. Others simply do not because it is more convient for them to bottle feed. Whatever their reasons, the main thing is the baby is being fed. It shouldn't matter either way.

Answer 16

I bottle fed and I honestly do not have the time or energy to care what any other random woman thinks about what im doing with my son.  

Answer 17

Not at all!

What if you were feeding your baby expressed milk?  Who's she to judge?

I do feel like my SIL is a little selfish to FF because she doesn't want to quit smoking (she smoked her entire pregnancy & second hand does damage too but whatever). Maybe I should be thankful she's not BFing cause I know she'd smoke regardless.  

Bottom line, I don't judge unless I know the entire situation.

Answer 18

I bottle fed my first and she has been more healthy than any other child I've ever known.  She didn't have her first fever until she was 10 months old (roseola) and her first bout of diarrhea wasn't until she was a little over 2 years old and her first ear infection wasn't until she was 2 1/2.

She's also a very smart child.  Her parent educator and pediatrician both say she's ahead of the rest of the kids her age.

So basically, don't let anyone say feeding your baby formula is harming him.

Answer 19

I'm breastfeeding exclusively (at 5 months now).  It took 6 weeks of sheer, exhausting, pain and frustration.  Even though things are well now and I say it was well worth it, that experience taught me to never find fault with another mom who chooses a different way to nourish and care for their child.  Single working moms may not have the luxury I had to get through this....the pain may have been *even worse* for another mom...in any case, it's none of my business, especially if whatever way they've chosen is done with love and the best intentions with the best of their abilities.

Answer 20

sadly, it should not matter as long as the baby is fed and loved in my opinion. I see a LARGE percent of breastfeeding moms make rude comments, or rude looks to bottle feeding moms, and it is not always just those that formula feed either, it happens to those that pump as well.. there are the group of breast feeding moms that believe they are superior to other moms because they breastfeed. Do not get me wrong, i totally believe breastfeeding is best for baby (when it works!) but I also believe that formula is a wonderful substitute and there is nothing wrong with it. What some of these moms that give dirty looks or make rude comments need to realize is not every mother can breastfeed. My nephew was one of those babies that was not able to be breastfed. His mom was so stuck on breast feeding is the only way, the only way to bond (which it is not) she did not want and didnt prepare herself for other possibilities. After he was born he was in the PICU for a week, tests discovered that he has a very rare genetic metabolic disorder. It was one of those diseases that the mother has to have a certain gene and the father has to have a certain gene and when put together their children get the disease.. very rare. Because of this he can not have breast milk or regular formula. My SIL got depressed for awhile because she was not able to breastfeed and disconnected a bit luckly it was not for long. People need to realize there is stuff that is that extreme and these is the simple reasons, baby just would not latch on or moms milk didnt come in. My mom had a condition that caused over production of milk, she breast fed for 3 months but that was all she could do when i was a child. The smell or sound of me (happened also with my older brother) would cause her to produce so much milk that within seconds of smelling of hearing me her b*****s would get engorged and she would be in severe pain so she could only be around us when feeding,. now what kind of "bonding" is that.. There are plenty of reasons and i would rather a mother do what is best for her and her family and take it for what it is.. dont always judge people when you have not walked in their shoes and do not know what it took for them to get to the point they are at.. maybe they are looking at breast feeding mothers with jealousy because what they wanted so badly was not able to happen.. maybe they hurt, so do they need rude comments or rude looks because their life was a little harder?

I am a firm believe that it is not how the baby is fed but that the baby is fed and loved. We neeed to stop all this high and mighty cr--- and just be parents.. there are some children that do not get fed, some children that do not get love.. there are actually BAD parents out there and they are not the ones that give a child a bottle.. why dont people who want to judge people with a first glance force energy on real issue. because everytime you want to judge a bottle feeding parent, why not stop and say, you know they really are not that bad of a parent, they are loving and feeding their child.. we have real issue in this world.. children are getting beat every second.. starving, and living how no child should live.. think of that

sorry for the rant but thats my opinion cause this really irritates me

Answer 21

While I do not like the idea of formula, I do understand the need for it in certain cases. If your milk doesnt come in and work the way it should work...etc. My problem is people who assume that because you have a bottle it automatically means formula. Um, hello, ever heard of a breast pump. Lots of women dont want to feel so exposed when they breastfeed in public so they pump before they leave the home. Or I pump so my husband can share in the closeness. And for when we need to leave the baby with someone else. I think its plain ignorance to assume every bottle is formula. And I think its the same ignorance that causes people to judge when someone didnt make the same decision they made. Lets wake up and drop the kindergarten attitude people.

Answer 22

No not at all, you tried at least. i think its weird when woman who dont even know if they will get milk or not just wipe out the idea completely without trying it. the first few weeks are most important and it made it through 3...good for you. breastfeed is kinda a pain in some ways. you have to feel comfortable to do it in public, ur breast are always sore. i breastfeed for 6 months with my daughter. i enjoyed it but glad its over lol.  

Answer 23

I personally want to breast feed my baby. And i will be upset if for some reason i can't.

I don't think badly of mothers who have to bottle feed. I get slightly annoyed if I hear that they didn't at least TRY to breast feed their baby, which is really the best thing for them. At least you tried. Women need to understand that sometimes, a woman just can't breast feed. Whether it's because their milk didn't come in, they baby isn't feeding correctly, or they get a yeast infection (which my mother did, because the hospital feed us, and we got it from dirty bottles, and passed it to mum's nipples!).

I completely and totally look down on routine free formula samples offered in hospitals. Time and effort should be spent assisting new mums to breast feed instead, to help increase breast feeding rates.

Don't feel bad that breast feeding didn't work out for you. I'm sorry that you weren't able to breast feed, as it sounds like you would have liked to have been able to. What's important is that your baby gets fed.

Besides which, how would that stupid women know whether it was formula or expressed breast milk in the bottle? I plan to express milk into bottles so hubby can feed the baby too, and so it's easier to feed if we go out (call me a prude, but i don't want to flop my titties out in public, lol. But i'll be d**n mad if anyone tries to tell me i'm not allowed!! hahaha).

Answer 24

I will openly admit that I've looked down on *some* moms who bottle-feed. It's not a secret in my house. The mothers who I look down on are those who didn't even TRY to breastfeed and had *no reason* not to. This is compounded by the fact that two very close friends of mine had NICU babies and pumped, around the clock, every 2-4 hours for their babies and were absolutely heartbroken that they couldn't feed their babies from the tap. One mother couldn't keep her supply up and ended up having to go to formula at three months. The other is still plugging away.

I see these mothers doing so much work to try to get their babies the best and then other women don't even try!? It's like a slap in the face.

And don't worry, for every breastfeeding woman who gives you a nasty look, there's someone else who gives her a nasty look for breastfeeding.

That said, I try not to judge the women I see without knowing what their reasons are. It's hard though. Personally, I get the same feeling when I see a mom formula feeding as I do when I see a small child not strapped into a safety seat in a car.

Answer 25

I have bottle fed both of my kids and plan to do so with my third. I have medical reasons why i couldn't breast feed. Not enough milk supply. Now days most of the formula is just has good as breast milk. If anyone makes you feel bad about it don't! Just look the other way or say Can i help you? They probably have some inner problem of there own and thats why they have to make others feel bad

Answer 26

I think it is absolutely ridiculous that so many people in the world make bottle feeding into a big issue. There are million of children dying every single day from SIDS, cancer, shaken baby syndrome, fetal alcohol syndrome, and more. A true parent would spend more time worrying about these issues and less time worrying about the method other women use to feed their babies. My daughter is a beautiful, giggling angel and she never once latched properly. She's been bottle fed (both breast milk and formula) her entire life.  

Answer 27

It doesn't matter how you feed your child, as long as there getting fed.  

I tried to breast feed both my sons, because of the benefits, and the cost of formula is shocking.  Unfortunately like clock work on both my pregnancies, I dried up after 2 weeks no matter what I did.   Pumping, feeding, teas to help produce milk, everything I could. Nothing worked.

    The world should be thank full for formula, because if we didn't have another choice and we couldn't breast feed are kids, they would die.

Answer 28

Not at all, its down to personal choice and what works best for you, a stressed mummy is not going to be any good for baby so you're doing what is best for her.

Forget what anyone else thinks - how would she even know it wasn't your milk in the bottle? I often give my little man an expressed bottle if I am somewhere I don't want to feed him and his Daddy gives him an expressed bottle every morning before work.

Don't feel bad, but more importantly, don't let anyone else make you feel bad either.

Answer 29

My Opinion is: Its NO ONES BUSINESS BUT YOUT OWN.

No woman, nor anyone at that has the right to judge you. It is a personal decision, and you have the right to make it. Some women cannot medically breastfeed, and some just feel to uncomfortable to breastfeed, and there is nothing, nor any law that states you must breastfeed. Formula would not be sold if it did not provide great nutritional value. And, although of course breastmilk is best, Formula is the next best thing.  So, Dont worry about what people think of you. As long as your baby is healthy, and happy, then that is all that matters. I wish you the best of luck, and may God bless you!