Do you see any revelations here?

Question

Gun Shy Kisses-(+)-

# 8

Parallel gun point

we locked in a draw

Her glasses lens glared

recognition strikes!

The girl at the coffee shop!

“Who is paying you?”

Her question would be

mine

had she not asked first

“The Banker, any other questions?”

My reply as curt as her first glance

My temper hot on my trigger

-Slow moving in the giving of info but fast as far as what is happening… I will be posting the next few later in the day… for now, I must go…

Blessed Be in the Ongoing Opera, Siren

Answer 1

ya i like the action!

i like Todds version too.

the only thing i would say about his

is to minus the second My on the last line

and just say Temper hot on my trigger.

but im noone in this edit game.

the complete boob.

But i sure wish i had Todds help

and anyones radicalness too.

where you going Siren?

you cant have too many commercials!

more!

LoL

Answer 2

"My temper hot on the trigger." That line is a sheer stroke of brilliance...oh, wait, everyone else is stroking your ego. I know how dangerous that is. I have to hear about it incessantly. Okay...um...but this is interesting. So, is Charlotte going to kill this mysterious assassin?

Answer 3

Yes I see two  one is in your story and the other is  the caring help you are getting from one of your fans--Todd, I think that is so nice for someone to want and try to help with suggestions or ideas!  Good for you!  

Your story is now getting very intriguing and waiting for the out come to see what is about to turn to the twist!!  Cheers!!

Answer 4

Hi again Siren,

Here are some possible edits...

We held each other

at parallel gun point

Locked in a draw

recognition struck her.

The girl at the coffee shop!

“Who is paying you?”

This was also my question.

“The Banker, anything else?”

My curt reply measured

My temper hot on the trigger

Looking forward to more installments.