Do you sometimes feel your baby isn't close to you when the grandparents are around?

Question

As pathetic as it sounds both me and my husband have noticed that our 11 month old son doesn't even look at us when my dad (our son's grandad) is around. When I ask for him usually my son puts his arms out to come to me but not when he's with his grandad. Is it normal for my son not to want me at all at these times, its a bit disheartening.

Answer 1

My mother in law once brought attention to the fact that my daughter would rather cuddle her than go to her Daddy when they were both there. I was fuming as my husband was already feeling very upset as he works long hours and doesn't see her as much as he'd like. The big difference is - daddy doesn't feed her up with chocolate, spoil her with toys and generally let her get away with anything she wants! Plus, as someone else suggested, it's the excitement of a new face, especially one that is happy to see baby and makes a big fuss.

  It used to bother me, now I let it wash over me.  

Answer 2

Please don't be disheartened.  If you read the works of John Bowlby on his attachment theory you will realise that you have done such a good job of parenting and bonding with your son that he now feels so secure with your love that he can allow himself to feel comfortable in the company of others.  This shows that he has the ability to form relationships with others without feeling the need to have you within arm's distance all the while.  It would be awful to have such a clingy child that never allowed you to be out of view and cried constantly if you moved from his side.  You can congratulate yourselves on having done such an excellent job of raising your son.

Answer 3

From a grandparents view - my granddaughter is the light of my life and wants me to sit next to her, to play with her etc. to the exclusion of her mother but when Uncle comes I and her mother might just as well not be there.  I think it is just the new experience, a different face, different stimulus.  I suspect that if your son fell and hurt himself even when granddad is there he would soon turn to you.

Perhaps you could turn your thoughts about - do not be disheartened but think of the joy your son's attention brings to his grandfather.

Answer 4

He's just stimulated by this new face. It's good to let him grow and expand his horizons. As hard as it may seem, try not to hold to him too tight. He will always be your baby, but he has to socialize and interact with others.

Answer 5

I'd say that's normal & at least you know that when you want to go out etc you know you can leave them with whoever & know their not gonna be too upset etc! Its when the grandparents make you feel inferior to them & that they know best & you want to do this & that, is when you should worry! that's what i had with my ex's mother! what a mare she was, she liked to take away special moments between my son & i when he was young,& still try's it now! but i don't see her anymore thank god!! (nasty woman!) oh i wish i stood my ground then & said what i really thought! but hey we learn by our mistakes eh?

Answer 6

Your question brought a smile to my face :) I remember feeling that way when I had my first baby. It is very normal for him to want to go to his grandad and it's very normal for you both as parents to feel a little insecure about this..but don't be happy that he is growing into a happy,healthy , well adjusted little boy.

Answer 7

Normal and very healthy....also normal to feel jealous. You just have to constantly readjust when you have a child as things change all the time. Because your son has an extended family, he will grow up abl;e to form good relationships with other people...if he just had you and your husband his world would be very narrow. WHen he goes to school he will meet people with very different outlooks and personalities but being close to other peole will prepare him for that. Be glad you have others around who love him.