Do you talk about adoption all the time?

Question

I don't talk about it much at all in my real life. Most people don't even know I'm adoptee let alone that I am in reunion with my biological family.

When I was growing up, my adoptive parents were always willing to talk about it with me when I needed to talk but it wasn't every day. In fact, it probably wasn't even every month. It just didn't come up that much.

So I'm just wondering if this is something people talk about in real life on a regular basis.

Answer 1

I've wondered the same thing. I don't talk about it that much at all,  though I'm willing to talk about it if it comes up.  Usually when people find out they are extremely curious and I'm ok answering the same "ole" questions and hearing the same comments.  

It really doesn't come up that much in my day to day interactions with people.  I've never felt it was something to hide but have never felt that I needed to bring it up all the time either.

I know this is different than some other adoptees, but for me adoption is just one piece of the entire quilt.  It is significant, but it is only a part of who I am.   There are many things in my life that  I think are more interesting to talk about.

Answer 2

Only on here.

In my day to day life it rarely comes up.  There are 5 grandchildren in my family and 3 of us are adopted so we grew up thinking it was just the way things were done.....no big deal.

I don't make it a secret but I don't broadcast it either.  I have a family picture on my desk at work and it's clear my sister and I come from different gene pools.  If someone asks, I tell them I'm adopted.  End of discussion.  The only thing that irritates me is when they ask if I want to meet my "real" family.  I know they don't mean to be hurtful but the ignorance of that question never fails to astound me.  Over the years I developed a number of flippant answers to that question but now I just ask them if the people in the picture look imaginary to them because that IS my real family.

Answer 3

Not all the time, but it does come up in different situations. For example, a few nights ago I was admiring a little boy in his father's arms. The parents were Caucasian and the child was Asian so I assumed he had been adopted but didn't ask. I just said he was a beautiful child and the father started talking to me about adoption. It was a very open and interesting conversation.

A few days later my son asked me -- quite out of the blue -- "Are my people dead?" I knew that he must be referring to his first family and I immediately reassured him that they are not dead; in fact, his first mother is a year younger than I am. I waited for more questions and when none came I asked if he wanted to know anything else. He said no, so I told him that if he ever wants to talk about his first family, it's fine with me and he can ask me anything he wants.

Answer 4

No not really mainly when I post on this board. Growing up it rarely came up even though i knew i was free to discuss it i just rarely felt the need to.   In my mixed raced network  Multiracials who are adopted and transracially adoption came up so I touched on it briefly at our last Skype conference, we would have discussed it more but people had to leave.  I’ve never hid that I was adopted not really possible a mixed race person adopted into a white family. Despite that it’s not like the first thing that comes up in conversation, and typical if it does the person is just like “Your adopted, cool.”

Answer 5

Not THAT much, sometimes though in relevant conversations I bring up the protest and invite random people. lol

Answer 6

Well, my dad doesn't know his real parents. His parents have offered to tell him since he was a little kid but he always said they did such a great job raising him that he doesn't care about his real parents. (Although I have tried to convince him for medical purposes)

My brother is also really my half brother, we have different dads. I have never heard him or my parents talk about it.

So my answer in short is no.

Answer 7

No, not so much IRL.  Only on my adult adoptees forum and here do I really talk about it.  Like you, most people outside of my family and close friends don't even know I'm adopted.  It's just not something that comes up in everyday conversation.

Answer 8

I was adopted decades ago. It hardly ever comes up in conversation. When it does, it really is no big deal.

When I was in my 20s my sister and I hunted down our biological mother and got some family history and saw where she was and where we were born, but other than some essential medical information, it was not very interesting at all.

From what you said above, I think your adoptive parents handled the adoption just fine.

Answer 9

I tend to talk about adoption more than I actually would like, but it is because of my son's medical disorder.  Each time we go to a new doctor or I am trying to explain the disorder to someone, the fact that my son was adopted comes up in the natural course of conversation.  Obviously, when talking to doctors, it is important for them to understand that we do not share medical history.  With others, the main question we usually receive is "will your other children have this disorder also".  

With our son, we talk about adoption openly when it fits in for a 5 yr old.  We have a picture of his finalization hanging on our wall, and he knows that is the day we became a family.  He knows he lived with his bio-grandparents before coming to live with us, and he knows that he was adopted.  Only this year did he begin to understand that some Moms get pregnant and some do not.  He began asking for a baby sister and the topic obviously came up.  But it is not something we discuss on a daily basis with him.

Answer 10

It is a pretty open discussion in our family because not only do I have three adopted children, one brother has one and another brother has two.  So all of the children growing up new the concept of adoption, but all they knew were brother, sister, cousin, etc.  Adoption was just a different place to get a child than the hospital to them and when you adopted them they came home bigger. lol.  So now that they are all grown.  One is 13 and one is 16.  Those are the only two still at home in the family.  But for the most part it doesn't come up near as much as it used to.  But yes we do discuss it in real life and not necessarily about one of our children, but about programs on TV or other people we know adopting or our children discussing adopting a child, things like that.  Adoption used to be a dirty word, then again so was pregnancy.  You weren't supposed to discuss such personal issues in public.  Well, all of that went out the window with Madonna's "Like a Virgin".  I think everyone over 65 dropped dead the first time they heard it!  Now people are more open about everything, so adoption is one of the things that came out of the closet and thank goodness it has.  We need to stop attaching stigmas to labels.  It's healther for the children and the parents.

Answer 11

All the time, no.  

But it does come up once in a while.  For instance it came up this morning at the bus stop.  A bunch of us moms were standing around talking about a particular child that is apparently neglected.  One of the moms was a 16 year-old, unwed mother, who kept her baby.  Several of the moms were typical bio-moms raising their own kids.  And then, there was me, the adoptee.  We each had a point of view...

Answer 12

I talk about adoption and foster care 12 hours a day 7 days a week. Trying to bring awareness about these issues is a full time gig. My life does not matter my embaressment at sharing my personal life does not matter the shame I feel when telling people about the things I sufferd is not important.

(Thou it's good to talk about these things makes one feel better)

Bring change to the system and making sure it gets fixed is all I care about.

Man i wish I could go back to my life and live it. I just hope that it does not take till I am an old man to get the change.. I'd like to live at least alittle of my life before I kick the bucket

Answer 13

No, hardly at all in everyday life

I speak with other adoptees but outside of that and my family, no.

Answer 14

We talk about it a lot, at home.  The kids I adopted when they were older like to trade stories about our lives before we knew each other. My other child is always asking for news of his mother and siblings.  

I asked my son if he talks about it at school. He says they have better things to talk about, and besides, there are lots of adoptees at his school so it's nothing special. I believe, though, he's the only one who has contact with his mother.

Answer 15

I'm pretty much like you, I don't talk about it much in my regular life.  I mean, I have work, school, family, friends and all of that other good stuff that I enjoy going on, too, you know!  My husband and a couple of my friends talk about it occasionally, but not so much.  The only exception is my best friend who is also adopted.  If there's a reform bill moving, we'll discuss adoption more.

Of course, here on this forum and the one other adoption forum on which I participate, adoption is the topic, so that's all you'll know about me is how I relate to adoption.