Do you tell the truth or try and please all?

Question

I overheard a conversation the other day between a mum and her friend. The friend was telling the mum how great it was that she has children close together in age, that they will grow up to be really close, that it's easier to get the nappy stage out of the way at once etc. Then the mum left and 5 minutes later, the friend bumped into another mum with her two kids, about 7 years in age apart - to which she started saying how it must be so much easier to have an older child to help out with baby, and wouldn't it have been so much harder if they'd both been young and in nappies at the same time! Pretty much the complete opposite! when it comes to children, and how others raises theirs, do you say what you know they want to hear, or do you give your real opinions?

Answer 1

I always give my real opinions.  I have two very close together (or I guess I think they are very close...22 months apart) and I think it is incredibly hard right now.  Of course, I am just into it, the baby is only 11 weeks, but I find that I might have wanted to wait a little longer, if I had been thinking of getting pregnant on purpose.  I am sure things will work out, but anyone who asks about the age separation...I say it is hard!  I am not a lip-service kinda person.  My opinions are the same no matter who I am talking to.

Answer 2

I totally agree with Ava's Mama -- I don't think she was lying -- I think she was telling the truth in both cases. As the mom to two close together, 22 months apart, I can totally see how much easier it might be to have a bigger gap between children. And, if I was talking to someone who had children with a large gap, I would probably would focus on the good things a larger gap would afford. However, if I was talking to someone else with kids close together, I would focus on the good things that go along with that, like playmates for life, staying in the same groove (i.e. kids in diapers at the same time) etc. I wouldn't want to be negative with either of them because there are good things for each scenario, same as there are bad things, but if you focus on only the negative things you just might go insane or become a very disliked mommy at playgroup. :)

That being said, I try to be truthful with other parents on matters of raising children, if asked for my opinion. Sure, I disagree with a lot of ways that people raise their kids, but as long as the kids aren't in danger, I keep my mouth shut. Who am I to say that my way of raising children is better than theirs? I would never go up to someone and say, "Hey, I think breastfeeding your 4 year old is crazy." or "Hey, I think you're crazy if you let your baby cry it out at 8 weeks old." I may think it but unless asked for my opinion I would never just tell them I think they're nuts.

Answer 3

The truth.Probably to frank for my own good.But what you see is what you get.

Answer 4

To be honest, it depends on the person i'm talking to! I used to go to a Baby Club with my youngest and the mums there were all terribly superior and it would drive me mad so i'd sometimes stretch the truth in regards to the kind of day i'd had-when my son had been an angel i'd say something like he'd been up from 5 as had my other 2 but it emant i got all the washing done. It was a case of one upmanship! But with actual friends, i'm horribly honest in all aspects of my life including children, pregnancy and childbirth!

Answer 5

telling the truth is always the best,but you sometimes need to soften it,so that the person your talking too is receptive,kind of like tickeling there ears,you dont lie,but you might omit your own view point so that they dong get offended

Answer 6

Real opinions. People always find out when you dont tell the truth.

Answer 7

Be yourself. Speak your mind. It may bother some people, but some need to hear it.

Answer 8

1 MAJOR CONVERSATION POINT- People often make a comment to find out more, much like asking a question. Some questions would sound weird (i.e. How do you like the way your children's ages effect how they interact?). So, anyone may just comment, "Oh it must be nice having kids so close in age" and the hearer will either agree or disagree with the statement. It's considered rude to start with a negative comment such as,"You must wish your children were born closer in age,huh?" Even if this were expressing your real opinion, it's not appropriate and comes across as being argumentative. It seems the person in your example is a positive person who sees the good in even opposite things.

Answer 9

I would give my real opinion

Answer 10

I give my real opinions. But I have never had a need to surround myself with a lot of friends. If people like me they have to take me as I am.

However, some of the mums at our school are also like this - it is usually the ones who have lost their friends due to having a baby - they can no longer go out with the girls - therefore they are trying to please everyone and make a new set of friends - that is all - feel sorry for them - they are lonely!

Answer 11

Ofcourse be your self and give your real opinion..

Answer 12

i dont think she was necessarily lying in either case -

apparently to her it is important that her children  have close relationships with each other

and like all parents she sometimes feels that it would be easier to have a little 'helper' and children NOT so close in age

if you notice from your words, and i presume you are repeating verbatim what the mother said - she said how great it was to have children so close in age and to the other mom she said how much easier it 'must be'

just because something is great - does not necessarily mean it is easier - because she wants her children to be close - that is why it is great and better for her - just probably not EASIER

once you become a parent - you will have the same conflicting emotions - and in both cases they are honest

Answer 13

The best thing you say your own opinion. and see that it reflect the truth, always be honest and truthful

Answer 14

I tell the truth. I have a habit of speaking before I think though so some people would say I'm a little too honest. My friend has a boy who turned 1 just on a week ago. She is due with #2 in 3 weeks. I tell her all the time she is going to have her hands full and that I hope she knows what she's in for. She knows I'm just being honest. I know I would want to that close lol.

Answer 15

hun i tell the truth with anything i dont know why cause i used to lie as a child but as i have gotten older i hate people who lie and i wouldnt lie worth anything     i think that is what has gotten me into some trouble before is telling the truth        but anyway yes i tell the truth

Answer 16

I give my real opinions on everything.

Someone will say "OH, britney spears is ugly, she needs to go to rehab, she shouldn't be making music, its bad, bla bla bla..."

But no, I'd tell them that i like her new music and such.

I think its better to be yourself and please most, then to not be yourself and please all.

Answer 17

I'm the type of person to tell it how i see it, and it can get me into trouble sometimes.

Answer 18

obviously to tell the truth as much as possible is the right hing to do... in that specific case, its not too big of a deal. she was probably just tryig to make conversation and be polite.