Do you think I'm mean???

Question

My birth mother was looking for me and when she contacted me I said : Your not my mother you're just another stranger. If you try to contact me again I will file a restraining order for Stalking.

So on a scale 1 to 10 how harsh am I ?

She gave me up from birth because she got knock up when she was around 17 or something. So , I don't know her and I never want to know her. She is a disgrace in my opinion for getting knock up in the first place.

Answer 1

i don't blame you for being upset and i actually commend you for being so sure of yourself...really. but honestly, it's up to you. if you know that the situation with the woman who gave birth to you won't bother you in the future then let it go. if you have kids now why is she just contacting you now. me personally, i would give it a chance but then again, if someone is that screwed up to give their own flesh and blood away, they were never mothers, just woman who happened to give birth. but seems like you're doing just fine. just in case you happen to feel like you want some answers, get them so you never have to hate yourself for anything. i hope this helped if not im sorry.

Answer 2

She's a disgrace for giving you life?

I give you a 10.

Answer 3

Wow, sounds like you have a lot of anger for being put up for adoption....dont u think that she gave you a better life by handing u over to someone who was better prepared to take care of you?  You dont think that at 17 youcould of possibly knocked up some girl....overall I'd give you a 5....just sounds like you're really messed up by the whole experience.

Answer 4

and people wonder why women choose not to endure 9 months of pregnancy, labor and delivery; yet have abortions.

adoption...what a loving choice

yikes...

Answer 5

How long ago did she contact you?  You just said, "I'm like 50"...so that makes her 67...you need a restraining order against somebody of her age?  Be a man.

Answer 6

You did the right thing.

Answer 7

Did you know that adoptees are detectives?

Let me connect the dots here: you just registered TODAY.  And Matthew, the first person to comment on your question, is also brand-spanking new, as of a couple days ago.  

It's real tricky, but I'm thinking we've got an angry adoptee, with no chutzpah, who uses aliases to cram her agenda down our throats.  Its sooooo lame, and frankly, getting BORING.

But, hey, to answer your question:  yes, that was VERY mean.  And also really sorta dumb.  To pass up an opportunity to find out who you are and where you came from is silly.  

Be angry tomorrow, get your information today.

Answer 8

I give you a 10.

I hope your kids treat you better than that one day. Clearly you were taught to respect her, and how to have compassion... (rolls eyes)

Answer 9

There are many ways to look at what happened at the time of your birth:

   -You can sit back and cry about how you didn't have a mother. Or you can look at yourself and make sure that you don't make the same mistakes.

   - Did your have a mother figure. Another woman in your life that nurtured you and gave you care and love?

   - Please don't be hard.

   - How has your life been? NOW THINK how it would have been with a teenage girl.

   -  You seem to be intelligent, you write well and you ARE sensitive (because you cared how you made her feel.)

   -  You are a great human being.

   -  Your Birth-Mom made a mistake.        

   -   Live your life with purpose and continue your education. Maybe helping young children.

   -   Everyone makes mistakes just some are bigger then others.

   -   As far as a relationship with your birth-mother. Take it slow, as slow as you need. But you would be surprise at the benefits of KNOWING the who, what, when, why of your life, her life and your grandparents on your mothers side.

   -  Even your Birth-Father and the people on his side of the lineage.

   -  There are health questions that might come up later in your life, it is good to know the answers to these types of questions.

   -  On a scale of  "...1-10 how harsh..." I would say 10.

   -  But I understand and so should your birth-mother. But If she is 'clean and sober' do talk to her and get to know her. Make at first by email. Talk to her about how you feel and how you felt growing up with out her.

You must continue to make the best of everything "turn your lemons into lemonade."  Everyone has hard times one way or the other. The difference is those that stop and those that continue.



'YOU MUST NOT EVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF OR LIFE.'

CONTINUE YOUR EDUCATION. Make it a game. Learn what it takes to win.

I found help in taking lots of Psychology classes.

Find out what motivates you what makes you happy --then do it!!!!

I must add - do it with a smile. Do this test - walk do the street with a smile on your face and see how many people smile back at you. The majority will smile back.

Keep a journal (if you can find a pvt place to keep it, so your private thoughts are just that.)

I wish you the best of everything - because I have been where you are.

Ok -- I see you are an adult. I do think that you are bitter. and need to RE-think your life and that of your children. Face how you really feel. Because what you wrote the questions and statement " I will have a restraining order put out on you."

You are a grown man PLEASE. Why are you caring around such hate for a teenage that made a mistake.  If you are disappointed by your life. CHANGE IT!  STOP BLAMING YOUR BIRTH-MOTHER. MAKE SURE YOU DO BETTER BY YOUR CHILDREN. BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T BE ON THIS EARTH IF NOT FOR THIS LADY. (I am not yelling I am trying to make a statement.) By the way what are you telling your children with the way you are acting. YOU ARE THE DISGRACE IN IT'S TRUEST FORM AND MEANING!

Answer 10

"you're not my mother you're just another stranger"

so you threaten restraining orders on any stranger that contacts you? I mean, it seems that your anger is directed at someone whom you previously had a relationship with (even if it was only for 9 months) and not a reaction you would give to any old person who tries to talk to you. Or do you shout at any young mom who you might think is a "disgrace" for getting "knocked up" so young?

I think it'd be good for you to continue to explore your feelings toward your first mom, seems like you've got a lot going on inside of you, and often anger is really a way for us to express hurt...

Answer 11

So let me understand you...  You're mad at her for giving you life?  

I want to know where are all the pro-life, "adoptees ought to be happy" people are defending your mother from your vicious attack?  Strange...

Anyway...  That's pretty harsh.  Have you bothered to get to know her?  To condemn someone you haven't bother to get to know, that's pretty bad.  It sounds like your adoptive parents did a pretty lousy job raising you...

Answer 12

No , your not harsh at ALL.  Your birth mother has no right contacting you in the first place. You did the right thing by telling her that.

I'm adopted too and I would tell the same thing to my birth parents if I could. Because my REAL parents are the ones who adopted me.

I'm like you , I have NO intersted in meeting my birth parents.

Answer 13

la la la la  I can't hear you.... la la la la la la  doot doot duke of earl doot doot duke of earl..... I still can't hear you. la la la la la la

Answer 14

its ur life and only you can decide whats right for you.i imagine its hard but maybe there was a better reason why she had to give you up if you gave her a chance to at least explaine herself you may feel differently who knows..i wish you all the luck in the world whatever you do

Answer 15

Wow Miss "Holier than Thou",  it must be great to be perfect!!  You should be grateful that the woman who gave you life had enough common sense to realize that she wasn't mature enough to raise you and gave you up in order to give you the chance at a better life. It was a truly selfless act on her part and I'm sorry that you cannot see that.  I don't know how old you are, but if you aren't a virgin on your wedding day, you are a HUGE hypocrite!!!!!  I feel sorry for that woman!  I guess you cannot comprehend the emotional roller coaster and incredible sadness that she must have felt.  To have no compassion for her now is bad enough  but to have treated her so badly and not even giving her the chance to explain her situation to you........she must be heartbroken and you should be ashamed!  Someday you will have children and understand how hard it is to raise them and maybe you will have some regret for your attitude!

Answer 16

Ewwww.  You're the product of "a disgrace."  How self-loathing is that?

Anyway, you'll likely have to do better than that to get an approved restraining order.

Answer 17

I think what you said was extremely harsh and unnecessary.

You are not under any obligation to have contact with your biological mother if you don't want to, or don't feel ready at this time. You don't have to have a relationship with someone against your will.

But contacting you just ONE TIME is not stalking, nor is it inappropriate. You should have just politely told her that you do not want to have future contact, not insulted and threatened her.

You aren't required to have a relationship with your biological mother (or with anyone,) but to be blunt I think you handled this badly.

Answer 18

I agree with DMW, you should continue your education

Answer 19

YES.  10

Now go away.

Answer 20

I don't really have much to say to the asker.

I'd give you a 10. She contacted you once. You could have been polite about it. You obviously have unresolved issues.

I'm more disturbed by this comment: "but then again, if someone is that screwed up to give their own flesh and blood away, they were never mothers, just woman who happened to give birth."

Wow...

I don't even know what to say. I 'm guessing that person has no personal experience with adoption.

Sigh. Adoption. A win-win-win situation indeed.